Published February 16, 2014
Warning: This work has been rated 16+.
Dear...well, you know who you are, and so do I. What's the point in formalities? I'll skip them.
There's a lot that I never told you. There's a lot I could have tried to tell you, but never got up the courage to. If I don't let it out, if I don't say something, I feel like I'll implode, like all of my insides will collapse because of the pressure to hold it in, in, in. I don't know why I chose now to do this, after all the opportunities I had, but better late than never, I guess.
A friend told me today that you relapsed. I remember the day you told me about your heroin problem like it was yesterday, and the minute the words left her mouth I was taken back to that moment. We were sitting on a bench, even though we were supposed to be hard at work. You told me about your fiancée, and how she was keeping you from your son. You told me about the late nights you'd spent arguing with her, the addiction you'd faced before your son was born, and the angry text messages and voice mails she'd leave you for no reason. I think you said all of this to me not because it was me sitting there, but because you needed to hear it out loud to accept that it was happening. Your life was in complete shambles, and it was terrifying. For both of us.
You were the only person who believed in me in some very dark times in my life. You knew about my stress problems, my insecurities, my anxiety, and even, towards the end, my self-harm. You knew everything I never had the strength to tell anyone else. Some days, I didn't even have to tell you when something was going on. You just knew. It was such a relief, having a person in my life who could see through all the bullshit to what was really going on with me. I remember once you stopped me and said, "Breathe." Nothing else, just: "breathe". You never once told me to calm down, something that would've made me feel even worse. Maybe you didn't know how much all these things meant to me. Maybe you really didn't know the right thing to say, and it was just a shot in the dark. But after every encounter with you, I felt a little bit lighter, like all of the pressure I'd put on myself had lightened.
I should have seen the signs that you were relapsing. You were asking for cash, your hair wasn't trimmed, and your clothing, though always a little disheveled and ragged, was always wrinkled and smelled a bit. But all I could see was my hero, my idol, the only person who could see all my flaws and still believe in the good. I put you on a pedestal, and that was my mistake. I forgot that you were human, which is probably why this knowledge is killing me. I thought you were stronger than this. I was never prepared to be wrong.
I'll probably never see you again. I'll probably never see you twirl your red hair or pace back and forth like a crazy man again. I'll never hear you shout nonsense at me again, or see the look on your face when you danced. You inspired me more than anyone else I have ever met, or will ever meet. And you'll never know.
Because I'll never send this letter.That would mean I accept what's happened. I can't accept losing my hero. Not yet.
Love, Emily. I know I said I'd skip the formalities, but I don't know how else to tell you goodbye. Because this is it. Goodbye.
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
140,220 Literary Works • 673,046 Reviews
Hi GrayLady, Ravenboy here for a review. You, my lady. Had a knack of creating reality and heart break inside a short amount of words. I don't want to nitpick this story, and I won't. The little mistakes on there isn't worth it, because I think it is fine the way it is written. The story rings and resonates in my brain long after I have finish reading it, your language was very simple yet at the same time you expresses the character's emotion as if we were her. You have truly mastered the show don't tell.
I absolutely adore the language and atmosphere all the way throughout this story, the relationship between our narrator and her friend is truly palpable. As it is to her pain of loosing him, that un breakable trust between the two. Most of all, you have manage to keep me interested. Which is a rare thing, as short stories usually bore me.
Really, wonderful work. Simply stunning, this is getting a like from me. And, forgive my curiosity. But is this based on true experience, it just seems really raw and intimate to be entirely a work of fiction.
Yours truly, Ravenboy. Keep on writing, please.
-Rx
Wow, that's so heartfelt and intense! I really like it! It's a great thing for people who are or have a loved one who is struggling with addictions.
"I remember the day you told me about your heroin problem like it was yesterday, and the minute the words left her mouth I was taken back to that moment"
That sentence is a little awkward sounding. I think you should try rephrasing it to make it seem clearer.
"A friend told me today that you relapsed. I remember the day you told me about your heroin problem like it was yesterday, and the minute the words left her mouth I was taken back to that moment. We were sitting on a bench, even though we were supposed to be hard at work. You told me about your fiancée, and how she was keeping you from your son. You told me about the late nights you'd spent arguing with her, the addiction you'd faced before your son was born, and the angry text messages and voice mails she'd leave you for no reason. I think you said all of this to me not because it was me sitting there, but because you needed to hear it out loud to accept that it was happening. Your life was in complete shambles, and it was terrifying. For both of us.
You were the only person who believed in me in some very dark times in my life. You knew about my stress problems, my insecurities, my anxiety, and even, towards the end, my self-harm. You knew everything I never had the strength to tell anyone else. Some days, I didn't even have to tell you when something was going on. You just knew. It was such a relief, having a person in my life who could see through all the bullshit to what was really going on with me. I remember once you stopped me and said, "Breathe." Nothing else, just: "breathe". You never once told me to calm down, something that would've made me feel even worse. Maybe you didn't know how much all these things meant to me. Maybe you really didn't know the right thing to say, and it was just a shot in the dark. But after every encounter with you, I felt a little bit lighter, like all of the pressure I'd put on myself had lightened.
I should have seen the signs that you were relapsing."
So, here you go from talking about his problems to yours and back to his. It's a little confusing the way that's structured. A better way to do that would be to say why he means so much, say everything he did, and then go on to talk about his history and how you should have seen it.
Overall, this was really good! Keep it up!
Toboldlygo