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125,018 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
Hello, littlewing here
I feel like this is so almost a good poem. I understand that perhaps you have tried to make the simplicity of the poem a feature, but I don't really think it works. The theme is not particularly unusual - missing an opportunity, regrets about love - so the bareness misses the mark a little bit. It does not have the impact that it could have. It flows well, there is a lovely rhythm, however when I finished reading this, I found it did not leave a strong impression on me, despite being pleasant to read. This, I think is the mark of a good poem.
It would be worth trying to make this poem stand out a little. When you have chosen such a common theme, this can be done by using interesting imagery. You have the image of a guitar, which is obviously a central theme (the name of the poem!), but you only mention it once. Perhaps you could develop this further, and repeat it, weaving it into the rest of the poem for some coherence.
I also feel that the ending is not as powerful as it could have been. (Sorry to go on about it!) but I think it also suffers from a lack of imagery. Even some more emotive language would do. There is nothing here to make it memorable - it just ends a bit too blandly. The last word of every other stanza almost rhymes, and what with this one disobeying the pattern, I think it just feels a bit awkward, out of place, even.
Overall, I enjoyed reading this poem, and I think it has definite potential. I love the structure of your poem, so if you could make it more impactful on the reader, whilst maintaining this, I think it would be great! I hope this has been useful, and feel free to disregard anything, as these are just suggestions. You're the poet
Its a good start and i love the concept of this poem, but there are a few things i would tweak. First of all, In the first stanza, it should say "i fell in love with you" rather than "fell in love with you." Also, i found this poem a bit choppy in places. You may want to change around the wording a bit to enhance the overall flow of your poem. Keep writing!
Ha, thanks, I didn't even notice that error in the first stanza.