Published August 14, 2012
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140,179 Literary Works • 673,037 Reviews
I really enjoyed this poem. You could actually feel the emotion that was put inside it. My favorite stanza from this poem was the last one. I liked that one was because I thought it showed that most emotion. I also liked that sense of detial of how the person felt. Even though i said that Ijust have one problem with it. At first I was pretty lost but that was it. I'm sorry, I just thought you should know how I felt. That all and I do hope I read more of your work in the future.
This is very good for the most part, i like the fact that too much is never revealed, it allows the reader to make many interpretations and thus link it to whatever they want. they are able to fill all the holes however they want which is always good in poetry. But to me it does seem like it could have been longer. I mean its good like this but a few more stanzas and it could be great. also it lingers dangerously close to giving away something but then walks away from it which kind of gives it the incomplete feeling. of course you are the one who wrote it and its probably because we don't see what you were seeing when you wrote it but to us it seems lacking. But aside from that its great.
It has this thing where the words are easy to read and understand but the meaning it holds can acutally be interpreted in a complex way and thus in that sense it can be hard to understand, i am sorry if that didn't make sense but that is actually quite good. the words are literally understandable but the meaning of the poem as a whole is more complex so well done
Like a few reviewers before me I feel like this is a good start. A start, but it's not complete. I'm not going to say you rushed it, but it is missing something.
A suggestion is to perhaps put in a stanza or two about the incident that caused the speaker such pain. I think that it would help the completeness to shed some light on what is distressing he/she so at present. This is my opinion, however.
Overall, I think the writing style is good. It does have a certain feel that is not unpleasant. It is also very descriptive, which I love. Good job, keep it up. :]
I absolutely love this...to me it's very peaceful and well done. I kind of agree with chococookie down there I think you should rethink somethings after "I let my trust deceive me quickly,once".but besides that you sem like a fantastic rhymer! However keep writing and going with this I could have been longer also.I hope your a person to take critisum nicely .
I wish you the best of luck and hope to see your work again.
Sincerely,Mislady
I'm a bit undecided on this one.
I like the first verse, the lines flow good, and together with the poetic language, it just.. feels right. somewhere after "by no fault but my own", I thought that you lost it. it's like you hurried into finishing it.
the rhythm is picked up with the first two lines of the last verse, but then you lost it again.
not a very helpful review, but that's my opinion - you rushed into finishing it.
Hey Granger!
Well, this might have been an interesting poem if it was a little more edited and some mistakes corrected because this seemed very confusing. I wouldn't this was bad nor would I say this was very nice. Let it remain in the middle. I see you rhyme nicely but the thing is, the whole poem's not rhymed and it's just not fun to see it that way.
Also, the poem remains incomplete. Just try reading the whole thing again, you'll feel that it needs a complete ending to it. There are a lot of nitpicks, but I'm not going to be too nitpicky.
I think you can replace the third line with the second. I don't know about the last line, because I don't understand what it means. Cut you away to what? Confusing.
I think you were trying to mean "I've damaged goods,"
You might want to change these three lines because there are too many questions running in my mind. The first line does not match, second line is confusing, third line totally goes off the subject.
Overall: I think you can improve and you can be a great writer. You need to work on your punctuation and where you need to place the lines. What happened here is, you had lots of ideas you could put in and you did, only thing it ended up in the wrong places. Replacing might help because I don't think this poem did have the meaning you're trying to get. Practicing will definitely help! Don't worry.
Keep Writing! ~
--
Cookie.
This poem just radiates emotion. And it's done in the sort of simplistic beauty that I really like.
And I only noticed one tiny thing I you may want to change; In line three it says:
"I shrug, shying away from honesty,"
When It should be:
"I shrug; shying away from honesty,"
It's just a suggestion though.
My rating: 5*s
Keep writing!
w&w