Published May 11, 2011
The cold is turning my breath to clouds
The sky is navy and without a single star
The harsh glow of the city
Blocks then from view
My breathing is steady
My stride at a solid rhythm
Hitting these perfect pale grey streets
with a thud
My headphones blare white noise
But my mind is far away from that
Following a thread
Of thoughts
Like a dream
And that electric current of adrenaline
Keeps me moving
Then the song ends and the world is quiet
Just me and my panting breath
Sweat is rolling down
Freezing on my neck
At this moment
I need nothing else
But a road to follow
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
140,623 Literary Works • 673,565 Reviews
I really enjoyed this poem. Even though it seems like I have torn it apart, I only made some minor grammar changes to help the flow of the poem. I'm not sure if you are one who is against punctuation in poetry or not, but to me it felt like this needed some punctuation to enhance the language and rhythm. The imagery and language used was fantastic. I look forward to reading more of your work
It sounds very smooth but you need to put punctuation in.
Keep Writing,
~FW~