Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for violence.
Surely there will be reason to know
That the rope around your neck
Is your only hope
With your breath ragged
And your eyes wide
Please take my wishes
Set them aside
If you want to taste freedom
On the tip of your tongue
Know it is bitter
It doesn’t last long.
If you step off that stool
So shall your neck bend in an odd way
Know that tomorrow will be gone
That freedom will not last long.
I wonder if you knew it all along
Staring into oblivion
Off into the things only you can see
If when you stared at those walls
You knew that you were dead
Walking along the earth
Waiting for the words to be said
Take my tomorrow
Save my sorrows
Better buried in the ground.
Say, you are right
Bent over backwards at the sight of yourself
You think
That’s not me
It can’t be me
As you hang from that knotted thing
For you cannot feel the rope
Or your wobbly knees
Just know your neck is bent
Know you are now displaced
Forgotten in the gaps
Between tomorrow
And today.
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139,447 Literary Works • 672,564 Reviews
This is gem for a review.
I enjoyed this poem, it was a very emotional and feeling peice and I know the numb feeling or at least my version of it. The poem reads for me as a person in a depressive state a tiredness mental and physical kind of drifting of into a stream of thought. This poem embodies dissasociation and it resonates. The stylistic choices of grammar and capitalization work pretty well with the poem. I do not see any grammatical errors. Though, I am curious how would this look:
The poem seems to move and I would love to see that highlighted.
Have a nice day/night. Keep writing. Much love, CoffeeGemini <3333333
Hey there! Ankeeta here with a review!
This was a really good poem, I personally liked it a lot!
It really highlights the urge of us teenagers to just break free but seriously, it doesn't last long
"If you want to taste freedom
On the tip of your tongue
Know it is bitter
It doesn’t last long."
Hm... it's bitter-sweet. I really liked this part though. This is rather my favorite part of this poem.
This was a really straight forward and bold poem. I liked it a lot. A solid 9.4/10!!
Keep writing!! Best wishes!!! ^_^
Hey there! Ankeeta here with a review!
This was a really good poem, I personally liked it a lot!
It really highlights the urge of us teenagers to just break free but seriously, it doesn't last long
"If you want to taste freedom
On the tip of your tongue
Know it is bitter
It doesn’t last long."
Hm... it's bitter-sweet. I really liked this part though. This is rather my favorite part of this poem.
This was a really straight forward and bold poem. I liked it a lot. A solid 9.4/10!!
Keep writing!! Best wishes!!! ^_^
Hi,
YP here with a short review!
It was pretty interesting to read work like these.
This is a great poems.
Don't know about other but for me,
I find it a little dark and philosophical.
Also this lines:
"Say, you are right
Bent over backwards at the sight of yourself
You think
That’s not me
It can’t be me
As you hang from that knotted thing
For you cannot feel the rope"
Quite dark, but well written
Don't know it's only me or any other.
But I really liked the way you describe in the flow that reader can imagine.
also, don't know why:
"Walking along the earth
Waiting for the words to be said
Take my tomorrow
Save my sorrows
Better buried in the ground."
these lines just hit differently.
Today's people are just living for surviving ,not living their life fully, not following path they wanted. don't know same thing you want to express or other.
Anyways the amazing rhyming and word playing, on point.
Flow of all poems is well concluded.
You did a very good job to keep writing simple. because I find it more writer uses complex words it just makes reader life hard sometimes.
Good job!
I liked to read more.
Have fun writing!
Keep writing!
Cheers!,
I really liked this poem, the words seemed to flow so smoothly and it painted a very clear image in my head. The feeling that is depicted, the feeling of death being the only hope left, the only chance left for freedom is a feeling that resonated deeply with me. A feeling that I have no words for, you seemed to describe perfectly.
over the course of writing this review, I have found myself reading over the poem again, and again, and each time I read it over the words still left the same affect on me, the depiction of regret in the end seemingly ties it all together perfectly and In general this entire poem fits together so well and it amazes me. great job!
This was a super interesting poem to read, so first of all great job!
My personal interpretation (this could be wrong) is that it's about suicide. Lines like "If you step off that stool" implied that the character was trying to decide if they were going to kill themselves or not. The first stanza with "That the rope around your neck / Is your only hope" shows the conflict between finding hope and freedom in death, but "It doesn't last long." You do a good job of reflecting the mixed and conflicting emotions, especially the hope and desperation that tend to come with being suicidal.
The last two stanzas seem to be after death, and are more reflective, with lines like "Take my tomorrow \ Save my sorrows \ Better buried in the ground." that imply the character is satisfied with their fate, but then, in the final stanza, as the character seemingly looks at their own dead body, there is a sense of regret.
You tended to have an irregular syllable count in all your lines, which I sometimes critique, but considering the topic of the poem, I think it really adds to the reader's experience. Irregularity also helps with the expression of emotions, and, especially in the final stanza, added a dramatic effect. Your final lines "Know you are now displaced \ Forgotten in the gaps \ Between tomorrow \ And today." really show this. They create such a powerful ending and were probably my favorite part of your poem!
Overall I really enjoyed this poem, and loved thinking about it. I could probably go on for a while dissecting little bits and pieces (like I loved the slant rhyme of "tomorrow" and "sorrows") but I'll stop here before this gets ridiculously long. I hope to see more of your work in the future!
This is intresting,to hear the thoughts of someone who is dying.The feeling of never going to be able to go back to the people you love,the feeling of being disconnected with the world and the feeling that you will never do anything again is described well in this poem.I liked reading this short poem.I hope you have a lovely and wonderful day and night.
This is intresting,to hear the thoughts of someone who is dying.The feeling of never going to be able to go back to the people you love,the feeling of being disconnected with the world and the feeling that you will never do anything again is described well in this poem.I liked reading this short poem.I hope you have a lovely and wonderful day and night.
Hello Goldengoose,
It is a very nice poem. I love the way you look at a dead person’s last moment. It obviously is hanging. Just the step between death and life. Or as you say between today and tomorrow. Maybe there could be a verse where they look down upon their burial and feel said they had done something like this for some silly old reason that doesn’t seem worth it anymore.
As your body falls to the ground
Dead and defeated
Watch as they cry and despair
Looking down as they lower you into the Earth
Just because they made fun of your hair
Why?
(I don’t write poems so this probably isn’t that good. It’s just an idea of my suggestion.)
Good job,
Frances