Published August 18, 2011
Where have the humans gone?
All I see are drones.
Robotic minds
that wish for robotic bodies,
not people, but things
eagar to give up their flesh,
all their mortal flaws
for a chance at life forever.
Sure, we're all afraid of death,
but to eliminate it....
To eliminate the need
for motherhood and fatherhood,
to eliminate birth
and children....
And what of love?
A robotic body
has no sence of touch,
no way to kiss
and get the same flutter,
no way to hug
and feel the warmth,
no way to hold
and caress.
No way to love.
Where have all the humans gone,
where is the compassion,
the intuition,
the mercy.
Where is the light in your eyes?
When that day comes
when humans finally shed their flesh,
and download their minds
into immortal,
cold,
and ultimately heartless,
soulless bodies,
is the day humanity dies.
*Author's note. No, I am not saying all humans want this, I am only trying to say what would happen if this did happen.
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139,468 Literary Works • 672,573 Reviews
Geeh, I've never read anything quite like this! I loved it!
I've been thinking of something similar to this, but I'm glad I never wrote it down because I couldn't have done it as good as you did! This stanza was my favorite one, it was so... true and it made me want to cling to my humanity with all I got.
"And what of love?
A robotic body
has no sence of touch,
no way to kiss
and get the same flutter,
no way to hug
and feel the warmth,
no way to hold
and caress.
No way to love."
You're rythm and flow is good and so is your use of punctuation.. I really have nothing else to say than that I loved it.
5/5 icky, sticky spiders to you!
Good Luck & Keep Writing
// Demoness
Okay, so I'm gonna start with stuff I didn't really like(which are few, by the way) so that my reveiw will end on a good note!
The flow of the words didn't really work. It sounded a little bit choppy. Also, It didn't really make sense at first.
Whew! I'm glad I'm done with the bad stuff. Now onto the good!
I really liked your choice of words, and you did a good job on making it kind of catch me! It's a brilliant idea, and you mastered making your point(It's a good point!) which I mostly agree on. You did a great job on the ending! You certainly went out with a bang!
Hope this was helpful!
Keep writing!
Thank you.
I was really happy with how this one turned out.
Firstly I LOVE THIS POEM. It is so true. Very deep and tragic. And I have to agree, if that ever happens that will be the day humanity dies.
Usually I would say something was wrong about the poem first but I cannot find anything that bugged me or needed correcting which is brilliante!!!!
Then I usually say my fave verse so here goes:
I really like how you summed up the whole poem really well. And the first two lines about downloading minds and humans shedding flesh? That was magical thinking and beautifully written. I have to hand it to you, you did a good job!
This poem made me think 'I wish I wrote that' and that is very rare for me. Keep writing! You did an amazzzzzzzzzzzing job!!!
Deanie x
First of all, fantastic title. Secondly, equally strong conclusion. Throughout your poem you poured out your vision of a perhaps nightmarish Utopian society reminiscent of Brave New World. Yet, you had your own twist. I especially liked how you relied on physical experiences such as feeling warmth for one example, without getting too gender specific. You kept this gender neutral and held an objective view throughout. If an alien read this poem, the only clue it would have you were human - aside from your login, would be...
With that said, this was the most 'involved' you integrated yourself in this poem and I liked the overall format.
Ultimately, a very well written poem. I encourage you to submit more.
Sincerely,
Elitehusky