Published January 11, 2011
I wrote this just a while ago. I have to tell you, though, all the spelling and grammar errors are done on purpose.
There ain't no such thing as freedom,
the word's just there to get yer hopes up,
maybe there's somethin better,
maybe it'll all work out.
Rubbish.
Life don't work that way, my frend,
life just ain't like that.
Life'll push ya,
kick ya wen yer down,
make ya eat the filth ya crawl in,
take away yer speech.
And it don't get better,
it ain't never gonna be better.
We're stuck here till it all blows away.
Cuz life's the cane that snapped in haff,
made ya fall in the frozen waste,
made ya grit yer teeth and get back up,
made ya keep on trudgin forward,
keep on goin throo the pain.
Ya have to hold on,
ya have to keep movin
or the snow'll bury ya till dusk
and dusk ain't just a time o' day.
No body's free,
I know, my frend, that it's tru.
Ya ever been happy?
Ya ever seen yer love boil over,
melt the snow o' yer icy hart?
No,
no, you haven't.
You can't.
They won't let ya.
There ain't no such thing as freedom, boy,
there just ain't.
Don't say nothin bout the goverment,
ya ain't gonna mess wi' them
but they can mess wi' you.
Don't you sing that song, m'boy,
don't you dare,
they'll only take more from us.
Quit starin' at the clouds,
ya got yer head too far up 'em,
logic's all ya need.
Aye,
it's a twisted place,
it is, I've seen it,
they'll take ya
and break ya
till there ain't nothin left
but short, ragged hair
and a plain brown jacket.
They don't spare no one, my frend,
they don't,
they take 'em all,
stop their speekin',
stop their goddam breethin'.
There just ain't no freedom.
But I need you to come wi' me,
I need you to come,
over here, quickly now,
I'm gonna save ya,
I'm gonna free ya,
really free ya.
Just follow the path,
others will wait,
live wi' no goverment,
don't care 'bout the sistem,
take yer bow an' shoot 'em down.
Freedom,
yer gonna have it, m' boy,
it don't exist yet but soon,
now go,
live,
keep yer spirit pure,
before they take me away.
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When I first read the title I was like "Hmm.......Let me go check this out."
Needless to say I love the title, really. The poem itself? I'm kind of wavering on if you want the truth. I do love the message that is conveyed through the poem, and when I first read through I wanted to point out the simple spelling mistakes, and then I read your note at the top. Perhaps the poem is not just one that is in my specific taste, but I do like it. Just not love it. But do keep writing and practicing! I'd like to read more of yours.
The speaker has nothing to do with the government, but the speaker is older, knows things, has been told things. The speaker does not know good english, the speaker is very wise but not great at english.
Also, I always write long poems. When I have a point and it's not quite out yet, I need to get it out, or I'll explode.
Oh and the speaker believes that freedom hasn't been invented yet. Like right now, it doesn't exist, but it could.
I don't feel like I need much editing.
Oh, and I've read 1984. Fantastic piece of literature.
So, while I'm not a fan of this poem, I want to be. I can see the great poem in here, and hope I can help bring it out. And because I liked this poem and want you to make it awesome it is compliment sandwich time!
I like the attitude of the speaker towards the subject.
I feel like there's like 3 too many stanzas.
I like the speakers dialect
but I don't think it actually fits the overall mood of the poem.
---------With the attitude of this poem you need a very grave, almost business like, from what I can gather about the speaker he's involved ~in~ the government, and someone involved with the government will probably speak in less of an accent.
I like the hopeful end, but I feel like you're contradicting yourself with it. Try saying that there isn't freedom "here", if there is an escape to freedom, it means it exists, just not there.
And, as my parting gift, I suggest you read 1984 by George Orwell and get a new perspective on "Freedom" that I think will really work well with your poem
Happy Editing
~Alice
Thank you. I will always keep writing.
Hey
Great poem!!! It's all true aswell which is even better, because people can relate to it. Nice work!
Keep Writing X