Published February 19, 2011
It's torture of a different kind,
become a toy that all can wind.
Words of deep tormenting cries,
bleeding truth and taking lies.
Monster found in store-bought souls,
plastic faces, figure molds.
Pick your favourite tasteless candy,
share with friends to suit their fancy.
Watch it alter blissful minds,
watch it leave the sun behind.
Through a straw of blood and sweat,
nasty games you won't forget.
Try it once, just go ahead,
teeth like moss and feet like lead.
Swim away before you drown,
hurry now, don't turn around.
You don't need it (yes you do),
it's lost the battle (still has you).
The last escape, just one more try,
peaceful now... no time to cry.
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139,622 Literary Works • 672,630 Reviews
Yeah, the whole thing's a metaphor for drug-abuse. I know it can be a little confusing.
So, I liked this. Rhythm-spot on. Big fan of rhythm. You did. Great job keeping the rhythm constant and tight.
Rhyme was also good. Didn't sound forced.
I didn't really get what it was about most of the time. I am guessing that it's about dying. But that's really only made clear to me in the last few lines. The other parts not sure.
But good job and keep writing.
Thank you for the reviews! I really appreciate it!
I enjoyed reading this poem I'm terrible at writing poetry so please don't take my opinion too seriously. I do, however, happen to write monologues and one thing when writing a private thought I'd suggest a coma or quotations around it for aesthetics sake it makes it more understandable to the reader also dividing the poem into stanzas may help. Over all excellent poem and it was a pleasure to read my overly dapper top hat is off to you.
Oh, alrighty then that makes more sense. XD Sorry about that, as you can see reviewing poetry isn't my forte. Sorry!
The parenthesis weren't meant as echoes, they were meant as thoughts.
Hi! I'm Teardrop... I usually don't review poetry but for some reason today I'm in the mood... odd.
I thought the parentheses were odd. Usually I saw these in lyric poetry. If these were actually lyrics, then they would be kinda cool as echos. But that's just my opinion, maybe I just need to read more poetry and there's nothing wrong with them, I've just never seen them before. : DI thought this was really interesting, kinda creepy in a way if you really thought about it. I thought this was pretty good. i think it flowed alright, and the ryhmes were nice too.
Overall, I thought this was really interesting. It looked a little squished, and was kinda rushed, but reviewing poems isn't really for me I guess. But.. anyhow, keep writing poetry, and I really enjoyed reading this!
~ Tear