Through the dark tinted lens,
I saw an angel, hiding within,
within the heart, the heart of a statue,
The statue, neither of man nor God,
A mellow portrait, in the river,
The portrait as I call it, "The Portrait of Ruth",
It showed your heart, all with the truth,
Tis' but the ancient way, So ancient,
but thee heart never swayed,
To show the love, that was never bound,
Throw down the portrait, right to the hounds,
To bottle up the emulsions, the emulsion of emotions,
of hate, of love, of sorrow, of kindness and all,
Take thee portraits and drown them in the river,
Once, there was a man, a man with a portrait,
The portrait remembered, the statue forgotten,
The emotions of all those who walked this world,
Never held, Never bound, Always free to glow,
So, I asked a friend, a dear friend of mine,
To make such a portrait, of such beloved times,
I feel this a bit too much, a bit too much, I feel,
But for the love of my life, the most beautiful of her kind,
Tis' but a grain of sand, on my beloved's hand,
This was the Portrait of my beloved Ruth.
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125,021 Literary Works • 672,739 Reviews
Hiii, I'm here to review your poem using ocean terms, (Sea=summary. Beach=good things. Rocks=things to improve.) Let's get started!
The sea: This seems to be about a painter and a portrait. The portrait is of a statue that the painter saw life or emotion in, and now has captured it in an immortal sense of art.
The beach: I liked the rhyming scheme, it reminds me of the poems I used to read as a kid and that makes me extremely happy. Also the emotions shown are impeccable.
The rocks: Some parts did feel a little repetitive but that could just be your style.
Overall it was a great poem! Keep writing and have a great day!
Regarding your summary, I think there is no objective way to judge poems so whatever you wrote, it’s probably gonna be all good xd
I don’t know what it means but man does it sound cool.Now, let’s do read it ^^
Alrighty the first thing I notice is that you have quite a few repetitions in this that don’t really add anything for me, so for me, they kinda detract from the experience instead of emphasise it.
I kinda like the idea of an angel becoming visible through a dark tinted lens. Ofc it would be funny that you could put on shades and see the world literally differently, including the supernatural (kinda makes me think of Digimon Tamers where they put on their glasses when they enter zones where digimon manifested. Ok ok gotta get back on track)
Or it could also mean that the tinted lens is a dark outlook in life. That you need to be at a low point to really come face to face with an angel?
I rly like this (yes, here the repetition is good!)
Maybe something like the Picture of Dorian Grey? Where the picture is the thing that “remembers” all that happened to Dorian while he himself (or in your case maybe the statue) was unblemished? Well your statue is lost and forgotten so it’s not a 100% fit hmm
Hi thanks for the break down . welp yes its kinda like that , the dark tinted lens was supposed to be used show the negative outlook that most people had in life and how it would take just a second to wear the shades and feel the full glory or beauty of their surroundings and understand the inner beauty that one can have if they were open minded. and the lines "Once there was a man, a man with a portrait..." i tried to use it to elevate the importance of portraits (welp i used portraits here as portraits are used to tell us a story of the people or objects present in them and statues were often just used for wealth and to show off to others). welp i hope you liked it (and yes ill try reducing the repetitions in my next poem tho im kinda busy ill try posting one soon) . Thank you very much..