Published August 31, 2007
Swirling colours,
Chanting children,
Springing up and down.
Lifted up,
Into the air,
Spinning round and round.
Count the times,
Little feet stomp,
Listen to the thump.
Watch the rope,
Swish beneath,
Join in with the jump.
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140,579 Literary Works • 673,529 Reviews
It's a decent poem, but it's nothing more than that to me really. It seems as if it's an outline of a future poem. A skeleton if you will. It can be really good.
Another thing, I don't know if you meant it or not but the last line of your third and fourth stanza rhyme. I thought it was interesting but i was just wondering.
Wow. What is up with you and cute poems with good.. erm.. rythm?!
Translation: I love it!
Um, why should I care? I don't intent to go around poem-bashing or anything, but I really don't care about the children. I suggest going back through and thinking about ways to make the reader fall in love with these little kids. Like maybe one of them has a broken ankle and can't play and sits in a corner crying, or one of them has these piercing blue eyes that see everything and they're the eyes through which we see the poem.
Aussie
It's cute, and childish, and simple--but that's it.
^_^ It isn't bad, but I like deeper poems. Poems about jump roping children? Yes, I like deeper poems.
I quite like this but not as much as your other poem inspired by a similar theme. Some of the rhythm and flow was a little off it places. Such as:
I didn't get as great a sense of atmosphere from this one. I think it was a good idea and you've got some good ideas here. I think you need to work at this one a little bit but I think this one and the other could be a cute little pair pair in a children's poetry book (:
This is cute lyok
^-^
I likes it alot