Published May 8, 2008
Agent Review of Video file #4563
Subject: Genenist Dr. Roberts
Time Of video: 23:45 2012.
Location: From Standard View, The Liberty towers in New york.
The Camera showed a man sitting in his Laboratory. He looked at a machine that almost resembled a glass box.
" I'll show her..." the man said with a drunken slur and he drank the bottle again.
He walked up to the console and began to type a few equations down. a wall to the glass box opened and the man stripped down to his underwear. The man threw the bottle against the console and quickly hopped into the cage.
" LIGHT ME UP BABY!" The man laughed and suddenly the Camera showed nothing but Snow.
It then Came back. A bright light was coming from the box. A darkshape was in the box, screaming in a inhuman yell. The Camera turned to fuzz again.
The camera's signal came back. The Box was shattered in all directions. Eveyrthing was in shambles. The man was nowhere to be found.
Suddenly something came into view of the Camera. Suddenly it looked at the camera and with a flick of it's fingers, the battery on the camera suddenly emptied and finally blackness showed.
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
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Suddenly was used a wee bit too much. Also, 'it's' means 'it is'. It should be 'its'.
In the blink of an eye, something came into the view of the camera. It looked at the camera and with a flick of its fingers, the battery of the camera emptied and darkness showed.
(or something like that. You can use other words instead of 'suddenly'.
Great job! It scared the wits outta me!
I liked this a lot! it was very creepy! But there are a few things that you might want to change like in the second sentence you say
you might want to take out the "almost". . it could be "and he drank from the bottle again." and it could be "the camera showed nothing but snow, when the picture came back a bright light was coming from the box."it could be, "The Box was shattered in all directions; everything was in shambles and the man was nowhere to be found. "
in the last two sentences you say "suddenly" twice you might want to think about changing it out a bit. Other then that it was great! i loved it, keep up the good work!