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12+

A Letter to Satan

by GengarIsBestBoy


As Joyce stepped out of the car at the post office, she looked out at the snowy grass in front of her. Joyce simply loved snow; it was soft and fluffy and you could make all kinds of snow sculptures with it.

She held a letter in her hands. It was covered in holiday stickers and doodles. She looked back at the car. Her mom was standing outside of the door, but Joyce knew that she would not follow her; Joyce had written this letter all by herself, and thus she wanted to put it in the letter box.

She walked up to the box and pushed the letter into the slot. She heard the sound of her envelope hitting the bottom; it was the only letter in there. “Goodbye, letter!” She said as she got back into the car with her mom. They drove away.

As soon as they were gone, the letter box burst into flames.

A portal had opened up on the bottom of the box, and a tiny red hand grabbed the letter and pulled it through. The portal closed, and the flames disappeared. The letter box was unharmed from the fire.

The letter was now in the hands of a little imp. He was small and scrawny, with fleshy wings and tiny horns. He was standing Hell’s post office.

He tilted his head to the side as he looked down at the letter. A letter for master? He thought. From the human realm? It didn’t make much sense, since most of the letters came from other mythological beings, but orders were orders. Who was he to question them?

His master lived at the top of a large mountain, but the post office was on the complete opposite side of Hell. There was a shortcut, but he would have to pass through the torture section first.

He dashed out of the post office as fast as he could. On the way there, the shrieks and howling of sinners filled his ears. There were pits of fire and lava, burning those inside for all eternity. There were people being chased by ginormous flesh-eating worms, whose round mouthes were filled with razor sharp teeth. There were people being electrocuted and people who were chained to cactuses. There were demons ten times the size of the imp, feasting on arms and legs.

These things did not bother the imp; he saw them every day of his life. 

Finally, he had arrived at the base of the mountain. There was a large door that was carved with strange symbols. The door opened up to a lobby, with plastic chairs and vending machines. On the back wall was an elevator, which the imp promptly headed for. The buttons were too high-up to reach, so he pressed the top one with his tail.

He bounced back and forth on the balls of his feet. It took a couple of minutes to reach the top of the mountain. 

Once he did, the elevator opened up to a long, red hallway, with a velvet carpet that stretched from one end to another. Two guards guarded a door at the end, but they let him through after he showed them an ID.

The guards opened the door, and the imp entered.

Satan sat on a throne made of skulls. His legs were furry and hoofed like a goat, and black horns protruded from his forehead. In his right hand, he held a pitchfork.

“State your business here,” he said, his voice reverberating off the walls of the room.

The imp got on one knee, looking down and holding the letter up. “Your highness, you’ve received a letter.”

Satan got off of his throne to take the letter. He looked down at it, then looked at the imp. “From the human realm?”

The imp did not look up. “Yes, your highness.”

Satan stared at the letter for a bit longer. “Thank you. You are dismissed.” The imp left the room.

He went back to his throne and used one of his claws to open the envelope. The letter was written messily, with ample misspellings:

Dear Satan,

For critmas I want a pony!! I hav been good all year!! I clen my room and lisn to mom and dad and do good in skool. Pls giv me a pony!!!

Luv, Joyce.

After reading the letter, all Satan could do was laugh. He laughed for a good minute, until he could not breathe anymore.

It seemed that this letter was meant for someone else—someone who lived somewhere much, much colder. Perhaps this little girl’s parents did not proofread her letter. He got off of his throne. He was going to teleport to the post office to forward the letter to its intended recipient, but he stopped.

He had met Santa Claus before, and he knew how he operated. He was a man of jolliness and good will—in other words, he was a boring old man who would probably give Joyce a lame plastic pony. That simple wouldn’t do.

If it was a pony Joyce wanted, then it was a pony she was going to get.

~~~

Joyce rubbed her eyes as she woke up. She looked over at the calendar on her nightstand, and she jumped out of bed when she realized it was Christmas morning!

She ran down the stairs, where her parents were already making breakfast. “Mommy! Daddy! It’s Christmas!” She exclaimed. “Can I opened my presents now?”

Joyce’s mom laughed. “No, Joyce, you can open them after breakfast.”

While eating, Joyce could hardly contain her excitement. She tried to eat as fast as she could.

When she was done, she rushed over to the Christmas tree. There were wrapped gifts underneath of all shapes and sizes, but Joyce noticed a surprising lack of pony-shaped gifts.

Just as her parents were walking into the living room, there was a knock at the door.

They opened the door. Nobody was there.

Suddenly, there was a burst of flames, melting all nearby snow. Satan himself now stood in front of their doorway, wearing a bowler hat. Joyce’s mother fainted, falling into her husband’s arms. Joyce’s dad had his mouth wide open.

“Why hello there,” said Satan. He summoned a letter and held it out to Joyce’s father. It was the letter she had accidentally sent to him. “I believe this message was meant for someone else, but I have taken the liberty of fulfilling her request anyways.”

With a wave of his hand, another burst of flames broke out. When it dissipated, a monstrous horse stood next to Satan. The horse’s body was dark purple and skeletal, its sparkly rainbow mane flowing freely. It reared, shrieking loudly.

Joyce seemed overjoyed. “Oh my gosh, a pony!” She exclaimed, running up to it and hugging its leg. The horse did not panic. In fact, it didn’t act like a regular horse at all. It leaned down and licked Joyce’s face. “Her name is Ms. Sparkle-Glitter-Dark-Heart!”

Satan walked over to Joyce’s parents. Her mom had woken up, but she was hiding behind her husband. Satan summoned something and placed it in Joyce’s dad’s hands. He was still frozen there, utterly shocked and confused. He looked down—Satan had given him a spelling book for Joyce.

“All of this is on the house—I won’t be taking anybody’s souls anytime soon—but this is a one-time thing.” Satan tipped his hat as he was engulfed in another round of flames.


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Tue Oct 17, 2023 12:06 am
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spottedpebble wrote a review...



Here's a short review:

This really shows you the dangers of misspelling. It's such an original idea and it made me laugh so hard, even when I was just reading the title. I like the way you described Hell as looking, especially the part about the elevator and the lobby. This was a very humorous story and I loved the part where Joyce named the pony and how it had a rainbow mane and purple skeletal body.

The horse’s body was dark purple and skeletal, its sparkly rainbow mane flowing freely.
...
it didn’t act like a regular horse at all. It leaned down and licked Joyce’s face. “Her name is Ms. Sparkle-Glitter-Dark-Heart!”


The only suggestion I would have is that you should put an is in between standing and Hell's where it says

He was standing Hell’s post office.


This story is so funny! I would love to read more stories like this. Sorry this review is so short.

:)




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Wed Aug 02, 2023 6:13 am
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GFB1011 wrote a review...



This story is simply enchanting! I loved how you described her love for snow and her excitement to send her holiday letter all on her own. Quotes like "Goodbye, letter!" and "Luv, Joyce" made her character feel so authentic and endearing.

The vivid descriptions of Hell's tormented landscape and the imp's journey through it kept me on the edge of my seat. The quote "These things did not bother the imp; he saw them every day of his life" added a cool touch to the imp's character.

And when the imp finally meets Satan himself, it gets even more interesting! The description of Satan, with his furry legs, black horns, and pitchfork, was so vivid, and his deep voice echoed through the room - it was quite a scene!

The best part was when Satan read Joyce's letter, filled with misspellings and her adorable plea for a pony. I couldn't help but laugh! And then, surprisingly, Satan decided to grant her wish! The way you played with expectations and added humor was genius. The quote "If it was a pony Joyce wanted, then it was a pony she was going to get" showed Satan's unpredictable nature and made him more than just a typical villain.

The ending was heartwarming as the monstrous yet oddly adorable Ms. Sparkle-Glitter-Dark-Heart appeared as Joyce's Christmas gift. I could feel the joy and excitement of the moment! The story mixed dark and fantastical elements with heartwarming Christmas cheer perfectly.

Overall, this tale weaved magic and wonder in a captivating way. With its charming characters and unexpected twists, it's a story that truly captures the spirit of Christmas and leaves you with a warm feeling in your heart.

Cheers,
GFB1011




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Tue Jul 25, 2023 5:46 am
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MrW0op3r says...



I like the idea that Satan is evil, but he still gets a kick out of jokes and people being scared of him. Also, I like how the whole letter was misspelled instead of just Santa




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Sat Jul 22, 2023 2:30 am
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cursedstick wrote a review...



This was a nice entertaining little short story. There are clearly lots of well thought out ideas of the imagery, for example the descriptions of the letterbox bursting into flames and the imp's appearance, as well as lots of creative little details like the imp being too short to press the button with his hand so he uses his tail instead. I also always enjoy the interpretation of Satan that he will fulfill the request of an innocent child like this, and that the child will love Satan's gift even if it isn't super cute or natural looking. The description of the horse is also great: "The horse’s body was dark purple and skeletal, its sparkly rainbow mane flowing freely. It reared, shrieking loudly." The words "dark", "skeletal", and "shrieking" make it sound scary, but the other details like the purple and rainbow colors as well as the phrase "flowing freely" to describe the mane make it also feel pretty like something a little girl would like.

On the idea and plot levels I can't find much significant to criticize, though I do have to nitpick some of the writing on a technical level. Some of the sentence/paragraph structure and word choice makes it feel a little clunky to read. For example, the previously mentioned paragraph about the imp's appearance: "The letter was now in the hands of a little imp. He was small and scrawny, with fleshy wings and tiny horns. He was standing Hell’s post office." Each sentence is one clause starting with the subject immediately followed by "was." This kind of repetition is sometimes a little tricky trying to find an alternative to, but if left in it usually feels a little awkward to the reader. I would recommend trying to vary the sentences so that they will hopefully flow together more naturally. This is a skill that I'm still working on myself, but one possible way to rewrite these sentences might be: "The letter was now in the hands of a little imp - a small, scrawny creature with fleshy winds and tiny horns - standing in Hell's post office."

Overall, though, I still want to say that this was an entertaining read with a funny idea behind it.




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Fri Jul 14, 2023 2:20 pm
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vampricone6783 wrote a review...



A kid writing a letter to Satan instead of Santa could be an easily made mistake. At least Satan got Joyce what she truly wanted: A pony. That ending was unexpected, but cute. :) I can definitely see Joyce bragging about this in school when she’s a bit older. Who wouldn’t? The Dark Lord of Hell gave her a unicorn without the horn for Christmas. She’ll never have another Christmas like it.

I wish you a lovely day/night.




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Thu Jul 13, 2023 4:53 pm
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NadyaStatham wrote a review...



Hey there,

I am here to leave you a review!

First of all, I think the idea of a misspelled word, mistaking Santa for Satan, is wow. Very well thought trough, I love the idea. I was very impressed by the fact that you managed to bring the idea to live, I think you did an awesome job!

Secondly, I think the idea of making Satan live up a mountain is out of this world, because most people think he lives underground or something like that. Your descriptions are also very nice. I did want to point out that the whole ID, elevator thing, makes it seem so realistic and then all of a sudden you bring up Satan. Maybe reread and check that part again, you could improve on making it flow smoother.

~~~

Another thing, maybe you could add Joyce her age somewhere, that makes it even more relatable. While reading the story, I totally get that it is a little girl of around five or six, but it might help. Also, I do not get the part where you mention that she knew her mother was not going to follow her. Questions that pop in my head are, Why was her mother not going to follow her, And if she really was going to, how would that be of any harm.

~~~

I do not quite understand with Satan givin a horse to Joyce, because you mentioned >> The horse did not panic.
She got a pony right.

~~~
In the end, it is Xmas, but Xmas is a family feast right. I mist a little more family there, maybe add some grandparents that have come over or some cousins who have decided to have a sleepover, that will give it a more Xmas feeling. Or else, it feels like a little lonely Xmas. IF you do not want to, I totally get it. Just givin you suggestions!

You could also add some more description to the Xmas tree, maybe add that there will red and white Xmas balls and one blue one, because Joyce her Grandma had bought that one in France and brought it for them. IT was a special one and always one the tree with Xmas. There were some red mix green socks hanging from the chimney and there was a glass snow globe in the center. IT was a rather cosy Xmas with soft snow in the front yard, everything was perfect.

~~~

To be honest I really like the end words of Satan. I wont be taking anybodys souls soon, everything is on the house. I can just imagine him saying that with a big dirty smirk and the grandma choking on a piece of speculas.

Overall, I think you did an amazing job! The story is very well written and you have some nice humour in there. Good job!

Amazingly yours,
Rinisha




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Thu Jul 13, 2023 4:35 pm
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OrabellaAvenue wrote a review...



Hiya! This is Orabella, here to review.

I don't know how to write my reaction to this. The idea is serious and frightening, and yet most of this is very silly. I expected Satan to fulfill her request, in a way, but I didn't think he'd actually give her what she wanted. Or maybe he'd torture her or kill her, or give her a pony that would do it for him. But nope, he gave her a devilish pony that let her hug its leg. Which in itself makes me laugh.

The poor parents are being traumatized while their daughter excitedly gets a pony. They were not expecting this, and yet Satan acts like this was totally an expected visit. I guess I never imagined Satan being nice, but he got a good laugh out of it, so...

I wonder if her parents will take away the pony, because, well, for a lot of reasons. And maybe when Joyce grows up the day will seem like a dream to her, and she asks her parents, and they'll be like, "Oh yeah that was real. Satan came to you when you were young and gave you a pony." That would be a very silly conversation.

In the beginning, it's nice how the words don't exactly say something wrong or weird is gonna happen, but the title tells the reader, and we're just waiting for that moment. And you set it up really nice.

Anyway, that's kinda all I have to say. Great job with this, and have a great morning/afternoon/evening.

Keep writing!

This review courtesy of
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Thu Jul 13, 2023 1:35 pm
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AkuRashomon wrote a review...



Hey there! This is loveissourgrapes sending a review/comment for your lovely story. Very imagery.

As Joyce stepped out of the car at the post office, she looked out at the snowy grass in front of her. Joyce simply loved snow; it was soft and fluffy and you could make all kinds of snow sculptures with it.


This is good for an introduction for a story. It is fast-paced, telling who is the main character and what is the setting of the story. The main character is Joyce and the story is set in the winter and the holiday, Christmas.

She held a letter in her hands. It was covered in holiday stickers and doodles. She looked back at the car. Her mom was standing outside of the door, but Joyce knew that she would not follow her; Joyce had written this letter all by herself, and thus she wanted to put it in the letter box.


I can see a little girl in a place where there were a bunch of snow and Christmas decors, on the way to meet Santa. The descriptions of the letter is good too. In between, "...Joyce knew that she would not follow her" and "Joyce had written this letter all by herself...", you should put a period instead of a semicolon.

She walked up to the box and pushed the letter into the slot. She heard the sound of her envelope hitting the bottom; it was the only letter in there. “Goodbye, letter!” She said as she got back into the car with her mom. They drove away.

As soon as they were gone, the letter box burst into flames.


You can see the innocent girl just put a letter for a different "person" who is Santa but then the plot twist is that she probably misspelled his name as Satan. And now that letter was sent to Satan. That's a great plot twist for a story though.

A portal had opened up on the bottom of the box, and a tiny red hand grabbed the letter and pulled it through. The portal closed, and the flames disappeared. The letter box was unharmed from the fire.

The letter was now in the hands of a little imp. He was small and scrawny, with fleshy wings and timy horms. He was standing Hell’s post office.

He tilted his head to the side as he looked down at the letter. A letter for master? He thought. From the human realm? It didn’t make much sense, since most of the letters came from other mythological beings, but orders were orders. Who was he to question them?

His master lived at the top of a large mountain, but the post office was on the complete opposite side of Hell. There was a shortcut, but he would have to pass through the torture section first.


I think this part may scare some reader so I think you should make it 12+ because it gets a little scary and dark. You also misspelled tiny horns. "Timy horms" hehe cute. Satan was described well here too.

He dashed out of the post office as fast as he could. On the way there, the shrieks and howling of sinners filled his ears. There were pits of fire and lava, burning those inside for all eternity. There were people being chased by ginormous flesh-eating worms, whose round mouthes were filled with razor sharp teeth. There were people being electrocuted and people who were chained to cactuses. There were demons ten times the size of the imp, feasting on arms and legs.

These things did not bother the imp; he saw them every day of his life.

Finally, he had arrived at the base of the mountain. There was a large door that was carved with strange symbols. The door opened up to a lobby, with plastic chairs and vending machines. On the back wall was an elevator, which the imp promptly headed for. The buttons were too high-up to reach, so he pressed the top one with his tail.

He bounced back and forth on the balls of his feet. It took a couple of minutes to reach the top of the mountain.


It is funny how you imagine Satan to live like this. On top of a mountain with all those guards and royalty. I thought this guy lived in a fire hell with his little black and red demons and minions. He even as someone to send the letter to him. That is a crazy imagination you have there.

Once he did, the elevator opened up to a long, red hallway, with a velvet carpet that stretched from one end to another. Two guards guarded a door at the end, but they let him through after he showed them an ID.

The guards opened the door, and the imp entered.

Satan sat on a throne made of skulls. His legs were furry and hoofed like a goat, and black horns protruded from his forehead. In his right hand, he held a pitchfork.

“State your business here,” he said, his voice reverberating off the walls of the room.

The imp got on one knee, looking down and holding the letter up. “Your highness, you’ve received a letter.”

Satan got off of his throne to take the letter. He looked down at it, then looked at the imp. “From the human realm?”

The imp did not look up. “Yes, your highness.”

Satan stared at the letter for a bit longer. “Thank you. You are dismissed.” The imp left the room.


You have told that Satan has received a letter from the human realm. So he is not on Earth really. Maybe a different planet or universe? Satan was also described to be in a form of a goat looking monster with a pitchfork. It's funny.

He went back to his throne and used one of his claws to open the envelope. The letter was written messily, with ample misspellings:

Dear Satan,

For critmas I want a pony!! I hav been good all year!! I clen my room and lisn to mom and dad and do good in skool. Pls giv me a pony!!!

Luv, Joyce.

After reading the letter, all Satan could do was laugh. He laughed for a good minute, until he could not breathe anymore.

It seemed that this letter was meant for someone else—someone who lived somewhere much, much colder. Perhaps this little girl’s parents did not proofread her letter. He got off of his throne. He was going to teleport to the post office to forward the letter to its intended recipient, but he stopped.

He had met Santa Claus before, and he knew how he operated. He was a man of jolliness and good will—in other words, he was a boring old man who would probably give Joyce a lame plastic pony. That simple wouldn’t do.

If it was a pony Joyce wanted, then it was a pony she was going to get.


If I was probably Satan, I would laugh too. Like if someone gave me a letter with my name but they misspelled the real person's name for mine. That is a crazy plot though if the girl wanted to sell her soul to Santa then misspelled his name into Satan. Crazy! IF that was a crazy, it would be horror. At least, she just wanted a pony. A very innocent act. And at least, Santa ain't real.

Joyce rubbed her eyes as she woke up. She looked over at the calendar on her nightstand, and she jumped out of bed when she realized it was Christmas morning!

She ran down the stairs, where her parents were already making breakfast. “Mommy! Daddy! It’s Christmas!” She exclaimed. “Can I opened my presents now?”

Joyce’s mom laughed. “No, Joyce, you can open them after breakfast.”

While eating, Joyce could hardly contain her excitement. She tried to eat as fast as she could.

When she was done, she rushed over to the Christmas tree. There were wrapped gifts underneath of all shapes and sizes, but Joyce noticed a surprising lack of pony-shaped gifts.

Just as her parents were walking into the living room, there was a knock at the door.

They opened the door. Nobody was there.

Suddenly, there was a burst of flames, melting all nearby snow. Satan himself now stood in front of their doorway, wearing a bowler hat. Joyce’s mother fainted, falling into her husband’s arms. Joyce’s dad had his mouth wide open.


You can see the different reactions of Joyce's parents but you have not yet showed Joyce reaction here though. You can see that excitement the little girl has very Christmas but then the gift she wanted wasn't there yet.

“Why hello there,” said Satan. He summoned a letter and held it out to Joyce’s father. It was the letter she had accidentally sent to him. “I believe this message was meant for someone else, but I have taken the liberty of fulfilling her request anyways.”

With a wave of his hand, another burst of flames broke out. When it dissipated, a monstrous horse stood next to Satan. The horse’s body was dark purple and skeletal, its sparkly rainbow mane flowing freely. It reared, shrieking loudly.

Joyce seemed overjoyed. “Oh my gosh, a pony!” She exclaimed, running up to it and hugging its leg. The horse did not panic. In fact, it didn’t act like a regular horse at all. It leaned down and licked Joyce’s face. “Her name is Ms. Sparkle-Glitter-Dark-Heart!”

Satan walked over to Joyce’s parents. Her mom had woken up, but she was hiding behind her husband. Satan summoned something and placed it in Joyce’s dad’s hands. He was still frozen there, utterly shocked and confused. He looked down—Satan had given him a spelling book for Joyce.

“All of this is on the house—I won’t be taking anybody’s souls anytime soon—but this is a one-time thing.” Satan tipped his hat as he was engulfed in another round of flames.


That's crazy how Satan still got to give Joyce her wish to get a pony. He also gave her a spelling book. Now that is pure comedy! That is still good for an ending though. Good job!

Over all, this was very but there is a touch of horror to it though. Fantasy, horror and humor are the genres of this story. There are minor mistakes you need to fix though. Have a great day/night and keep writing!




GengarIsBestBoy says...


Thanks for the review!



AkuRashomon says...


you're welcome!




Life's short; smile while you still have teeth.
— Tuesday