Published May 24, 2010
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139,409 Literary Works • 672,558 Reviews
Hi Genshawklan.
I like this poem. I like the way you structured it so it looks like a tree (Very clever) I also very much like the poem itself.
Your use of description and imagery is very good. I love how you tied this in with human emotions and feelings so it's not just a description
My favorite line is [quote="GenShawklan"]
always
be
sum-
-mer
again
soon.
quote]
Because it very much comes up the mood of this poem, and it's also just a very good line.
You can very much feel the angst in this poem. You said you wrote this when you were in a bad mood and that really comes through, which is a very good skill to have.
Two things you could improve on is firstly, the flow of this poem is not very good. It's clunky and clumsy in places. Try and work on your spacing of words to try and improve on this a little.
Secondly, I think if you tied this in with a story, it would really make the poem more fleshed out. I would like to congratulate you having very good grammar, a factor a lot of poems lack. I do think you should keep going with poetry and you are very talented.
verawinters
I like your formatting of the poem, I mean, who wouldn't. Also, there is a good and meaningful message behind this, which is stick through it. You obviously saw that in your bad mood time. And I know you're not a poet, but... if you were interested in becoming one, then here's a little tip. In poetry, especially lyric poetry, it's always good to maintain a beat to your poem. So if you were to read it aloud, that would help with the beat. You could analyze the beat, and make sure everything sounds according to that beat.
Keep writing! 