Wrote this song last night. It's about that moment when you unexpectedly meet someone you really liked (as a friend). It has a tune, but yeah, I don't sing and it's goofy and sweet. (:
[Verse 1]
The train was gone, and it was my ride
So I waited by stranger and he started to talk
He talked about God, and he mentioned a kite
that was flying high in a broken sky
[Pre-chorus]
Stranger, stranger, where have I met you?
Could it be somewhere in my imagination?
Stranger, stranger, I feel a connection
I've seen your eyes in my reflection
[Chorus]
He said, "Life is good cause life is good
You just need a good excuse
To say, "Life is good, life is good"
Even when we have no shoes."
[Verse 2]
I showed him poetry from my bag,
And he smiled and said, "You're a rebel child
You're like a yellow star in a thundering sky
Because you've got the nerve to laugh"
[Pre-chorus]
Stranger, stranger, where have I met you?
Could it be somewhere in my imagination?
Stranger, stranger, I feel a connection
I've seen your eyes in my reflection
[Chorus]
I said, "Life is good, Life is good!
Even when we have no clue
Life is good, life is good!
Because we can sing the blues."
[End]
My friend, my friend, I'm glad I have met you
I've seen your eyes in my reflection
Life is good, life is good
(I've seen your eyes in my reflection)
Life is good, life is good
(I've seen your eyes in my reflection)
At first read-through, I really enjoy the picture this paints. I wish there was a way to see the melody written out but I understand that's not an option.
O.O thanks. I had forgotten this exists xD
Solly my dear, all I can say is we are more alike than I had previously imagined. And I love this song!!
Beautiful Solvy. Keep writing! < 3333
Thanks, Tay!<3333
Hey, GeeLyria. I've been meaning to get to this.
I want to say, I LOVE the verses. They are the strongest points of this song. They are very narrative, very vivid, and rich. My favorite part is this:
But I also have a soft spot for the broken kite high in the broken sky, 'cause at first glance it doesn't make logical sense, but when we think about it, it just FEELS right to be hanging there. Kites belong there, somehow, even if their broken.
That said, the pre-chorus and the chorus are disappointingly week. The questioning in the pre-chorus contradicts the certainty of the imagery in the verses, and I really can't understand what you were trying to mean by seeing someone's eyes in your reflection. Is this actually about you and only you and no other person? 'Cause you see your own eyes in your reflection? But I don't want it to be about that. I want to know this person who speaks to you with such certainty. It seems weird to be coming from yourself to yourself.
I will say, I like the "life is good" in the chorus. It seems like it fits well, it's rather graceful, and very simple, but the reasons are so shallow compared to the deep, emotional imagery in the verses that they seem false. I'd pay more attention to reworking the chorus, getting something good, not just that people can sing along to, but something that makes them think as much as the verses each time they do.
Good luck, my love. Your verses are like candy in my mind. haha.
PM me if you have any questions/comments or want to talk!
Good luck and keep writing~
XD Thanks, Hannah<33 Love ya!
Hey, Gee!
I'm not a poet, nor a lyricist (nice word), but I will try to review this for you :3
I liked this poem.. Song.. Of yours. I can so easily imagine it being sang, I would love to hear the melody you have in your head to go with the words. I thought of saying that I imagine it on the guitar, in some relatively calm style, but now I read it again and again, I figure I can imagine it played in a lot of styles, and I find that interesting - it makes me even more interested in how have you imagined it
Also, it has a very nice flow. It's easy to follow, and I imagine it being one of those songs that get stuck in your head for hours later. But, though it usually tends to be annoying, it actually seems to me that I'd like it. Think of it as of fahrvergnügen - which is a term used for cars, but this song has that something that makes it enjoyable to listed (drive) over and over again. If that makes sense to you.
I usually prefer darker writing, I must say, but this one was really nice to read! It lightens the mood and kind of gives hope. I like the pre-chorus particularly :3
Kind regards as always,
Aria
I can hear a tune through the lines and the lyrics are so pure they pretty much brightened my mood. A beautiful song!
Yay! Thaaaaanks.
I won't be able to write any sort of review untill I actually hear it, but I like the song that played in my head while I read it, so, good job!
Woot!
Well, its not bad but not very good. Its more suitable for poetry than for a song, you know, or thats what I think.
The message is positive, lovely and good-hearted..so cheers for that!
I liked it overall, so good job.
Keep writing!
Thanks, Blakey.
I like this quite a lot...I substituted my own tune, and even though I wish I knew what it *actually* sounds like, it wasn't hard to make the song cohesive. The lyrics were also pretty good, although my favorite verse by far was
I showed him poetry from my bag,
And he smiled and said, "You're a rebel child
You're like a yellow star in a thundering sky
Because you've got the nerve to laugh"
I felt like we got to see a bit more depth in the story, which was great. I almost wish there were more stanzas with this much underlying plot, but I won't complain, because it was still consistently stellar.
In any case, I really liked this. Keep writing, and best wishes! xx
Ooooh. Thanks! =D