Published October 26, 2008
I sank my teeth into the meat hungrily. After nearly a week without food, it tasted so good. The smell wafted up my nose and the meat scorched my throat, but within seconds I had finished it. I licked my lips and greasy fingers. I wished I had more.
Brian had come marching out of the forest with two other men, dragging a huge hunk of meat behind him in the sand.
"Light a fire!" he had yelled. Once it was lit, he roasted the meat to perfection, so that the skin was crispy and golden brown. Giving everyone a small portion, we all tucked in.
"That was fantastic," a woman called Sheila sighed. "Wherever did you get the food from?" All heads turned to face Brian. His beetle-like eyes glinted in the light of the fire.
"I saw a wild boar running about near the water spring. I killed it and skinned it."
"Where was its head?" Jack asked slowly, wiping round his mouth with a scrap of cloth. Brian glanced at him disapprovingly.
"I cut off the head. It may have displeased some people that I killed the boar for food. I thought that if I cut off its head, I might not seem so cruel." There was a general murmur of approval about how considerate Brian was. But Jack wasn't finished.
"So you not only killed it, but you also chopped off it head and left the head somewhere for a person to find? And you chopped off its arms and legs as well?" he inquired. "How is that 'not cruel'?" Brian glared at Jack.
"Well, next time I find food, you obviously won't want any!" Jack fell silent. Then someone commented again on how great the meat was. I was the only one who noticed Jack climb to his feet and shuffle off.
More people went hunting for food the next morning, but didn't catch anything. Still, I lived in hope.
I felt much better. Yes, my clothes still stank and my hair was frayed and split, but I didn't feel as hungry.
If we found food once, we could find it again.
Feeling more energetic, I went down to the beach and waded into the sea. I felt like a swim.
After splashing around for a while, I made my way back to the beach.
OUCH! My foot landed on something sharp. Jerking back instinctively, I staggered about in the sand before falling over. Inspecting my foot and then the floor, I realised I had cut my foot on a piece of broken glass that had been washed up on the shore. Cursing, I brushed away specks of sand and blood, wincing.
I realised someone had approached me from behind. Twisting round, I saw Kit, one of 13 year old twins. Her normally smiling face was frowning. She had short, dark brown hair cut into a bob and deep, round brown eyes. Freckles were speckled across her nose and she had extreamly pale skin even though we'd been out in the sun for the past week. Tall and slender, she cast a shadow over me.
"Hey," I greeted her. "Whats the matter?" Kit looked down at her hands, picking at her fingernails.
"I can't find Chloe." Chloe was her twin. I found it quite hard to tell them apart when they were together.
"Can't find her? As if in you don't know where she is right now?" Kit bit her lip.
"No. I haven't seen her since yesterday afternoon. I've searched all round the island. Have you seen her?" I shook my head.
"Oh," Kit swallowed slightly."Well, if you do, let me know, will you?"
"'Course." She trudged away, stopping to ask someone else if they've seen her sister. I felt sorry for her. She must be so worried.
I decided to help Kit search fro Chloe. I had nothing else to do. Alice, who was seven, tagged along. We pushed our way through the dense vegetation, calling out Chloe's name. We even went up to the top of the cliff and peered down. For a moment, my heart lurched in my chest and I started to panic. But then I turned away and I was fine.
We searched for the afternoon. But there was no sign of Chloe.
Kit went to Brian. She explained about how she hadn't seen her sister since the last day. Brian assured us he would find Chloe, and set off into the forest, whistling merrily.
He came back at dusk and said that he would look again tomorrow.
But for some reason he never got round to it.
Chloe was still missing.
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141,695 Literary Works • 675,575 Reviews
What? Chlo-chloe was ki-kil-killed? Oh my god!!
But you had never mentioned that there were children there. How old were you then?
Why was Jack so agitated about it? Did he knew that it was a child that Brian had killed? Or was it just that it was cruel to kill an animal thing?
You should say that "But I didn't feel as hungry as I was"
Should be "I felt I like a swim"
She seemed to be in a better state. You should point out how she is so, dirty, sweaty, clothes ripped and so on.
I think you say, "search for Chloe.
Well, now this is turning a bit horror like. I'm scared a bit.
Well, now you seem to have put the necessities, hunger and sociality, but you haven't put enegy (sleeping), bladder, and hygiene.
Well, put those also, and correct your mistakes.
Good luck.
Nice job! This one was as good as the others.
When you have a quote you should have everything else in the next paragraph. Except for the "he said" and stuff. Besides that everything was great.
If Chloe is what the meat was then it's really obvious. Maybe you could make it less obvious. Like someone did catch a boar but it tasted differently. But if the story was supposed to be the way you wrote it, that's perfectly fine!