z

Young Writers Society


E - Everyone

Christina and Marcela

by Gaydemonbabies


Christina stood calmly. Well, by calmly that meant internally freaking out and worrying. Was this too early? They were fresh out of high school, only graduating the summer prior; it hadn't even been a year yet . Sure she lived alone with Marcela, but she also was barely a legal adult. Her mind was going crazy. But she was set on doing this. She already spoke with Marcel, she already asked advice from her sisters (and brother ((?)) ) and she was confident. A date.

So much worry over a date. Just a dinner date. Well- a very complex and thoroughly planned dinner date. Christina stood in the bathroom. Her hair curled and pushed to the side over one shoulder, a sleek black dress on and flats, God she would never touch heels. Christina moved to the bedroom to sit and wait to see Marcela in the outfit. Her pink and blonde hair down for once and a dress that was fitted on top but flower in bottom, with heels. Not extremely tall but still tall enough. "Oh god I'm actually doing this." Christina muttered as she looked at her girlfriend. Star struck at how beautiful she was. Slowly standing up and taking her hand and smiling before gently kissing Marcela's cheek. "Shall we?" She asked and gave the smaller girl a rose, leading her out to the car and then starting to drive, eventually getting to a small restaurant on the corner of some street. So formal, so packed, normally needing reservations planned a year prior to get in and here they were, walking in and being seated. Everything was going to plan.

Aside from Christina's nerves. Dates were not her thing, neither were dresses. The last time she wore one was her freshman year at homecoming, when she was convinced she was straight and went with her now best friend, who also turned out gay.

Dinner going fine then led to them walking to a park, even though it was late Christina had this planned too much to mess up. He park lit up by a few street lamps and moonlight, the stars above their heads twinkling and dancing. Christina siting on a bench and patting next to her. Waiting for Marcela To sit down before she started to point at a few constellations, though Marc didn't see them. Christina stood and moved behind the bench, squaring down and pointing so that Marcela could see which ones she pointed to better. "That line there, looks a little like dust... that's actually a part of the Milky Way that we can see." She spoke quietly. "So many stars and planets. You'd think there's other places out there... habitable. Other realitys and ways that things can happen over and over again but never at the same point in space and time." She spoke as she slowly moved to in front of Marcela. "Meaning somewhere out there, there's two beings like you and me, looking up at the stars but me and you, are the only pair that are more than just dating. Me and you will be the only engaged pair as long as you say yes so.. Marcela, will you marry me?" She asked softly. She had this planned so much and now was panicking over her geeky star thing. But she couldn't help it. She loved this girl and the only thing that could compare was he stars. The endless amounts of realities and the fact that she wanted Marcela forever to be hers.

The smaller girl with her blonde hair up in its normal buns paused as if hug her what was actually happening. Christina was proposing. What does someone say at a time like this? Yes. They say yes, now say it. Why, why weren't those words coming out why was she still quiet why couldn't Marcela speak. Her voice wouldn't cooperate and her legs were starting to tremble. Her hands over her mouth and slowly she nodded. The words wouldn't work, a singular word wasn't enough to express what she felt at that moment, then again, neither did a nod but here she was. Standing in front of Christina nodding and smiling like an idiot. 

"Of course!"


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81 Reviews


Points: 2620
Reviews: 81

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Wed Apr 19, 2017 11:52 pm
skylnn00writes wrote a review...



Hey! Sky here for a quick review. Just remember that these are all suggestions and you obviously don't have to listen to me.

The symbols you have in the first paragraph after brother kind of confused me. Not really sure what those are there for...

I think you need to fluff up the actual scenes. It feels like you are one, listing it all out, and two this seems extremely fast paced. Like one second they are walking into the restaurant and the next they are done and walking in the park. You mentioned how it was going good, tell the reader a few small events that made it good. Maybe she holds her hand and caresses her thumb, making her nerves a little calmer.

Last thing, you should probably give this a quick read over. There were just a couple typos here and there that could easily be fixed, as well as like two spacing problems.

The whole star scene, I must say I was captivated. If I was her, I'd have started crying if someone proposed to me like that. I adore star gazing and sunsets and nature in general and I always thought of it as so romantic. This is a really good story even though proposals are common, you definitely made it your own which is good. I hope I was helpful :smt001

~Sky




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11 Reviews


Points: 571
Reviews: 11

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Tue Apr 18, 2017 1:14 pm
Quieen wrote a review...



Wow,its a great story..Its short and straight to the point..


...I think you should proof read,for a while,you got me confused thinking Christina is a guy.

....You really did not let us know what Christina and Marcela looked like,I think a description like she has a small stature,a curvy shape ,a pale blue eye and a blonde long hair would do,at least we would be able to imagine them in our mind.

....You really did not do much in expressing their emotions,most especially Christian,it could have been looking at her made my heart skip,she looked so beautiful in her blue gown,I felt like kissing her,tasting her soft lips..

...I love your story



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Thanks, and yeah I know its not the best I write it a while ago but wanted to put it somewhere.



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Mon Apr 17, 2017 6:46 pm
issam says...



You know what dude? I mean, what exactly is fresh about this?



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How about I didn't ask for a fresh opinion that has nothing to do with anything honey.



issam says...


Ah! The criticism-hating writer... I feel sorry for you, homie


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Don't hate criticism, It wasn't meant to be fresh, it was meant to be just a fluffy story.




Being a hero doesn't mean you're invincible. It just means that you're brave enough to stand up and do what's needed.
— Rick Riordan, The Mark of Athena