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writer's block

by Galatea


lately i cant seem to conjure a smile
my graphite finger slips over mailla pages
staining them grey
grey that refuses to smile
eyes sparkle
calling wayward travelers to the pages
but cheeks wont rise
lips wont part
and the smudges remain motionless
empty
and refuse to feel

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I HATE WRITER'S BLOCK


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Mon Sep 02, 2019 8:15 pm
Querencia wrote a review...



Hello, Galatea!

I know this was written a long time ago, but it's still accurate. :)

my graphite finger slips over mailla pages

I think you meant manilla here!

grey that refuses to smile

I think that repetition can be powerful, but in this particular instance, it just seems like restating something without adding anything. I think you could still repeat grey, but add a different descriptor. Maybe something like, "grey like the ghosts of words once written" or "grey like the faded paint of the wall"--just something to add some extra imagery and maybe whatever emotion you wanted to add to this.

eyes sparkle
calling wayward travelers to the pages
but cheeks wont rise
lips wont part

This is interesting. I like the face imagery, particularly the "lips wont part" line, but I'm not sure of the point. Why do the eyes call travelers to the pages? Wouldn't that be words? It seems like it's more of the eyes being unable to see words on the page like they used to, because that's what writer's block seems like to me. Then, "cheeks wont rise"--I'm not sure how they could rise at all? So I can't quite tell what that means. Unless someone is laying their head on the paper, cheek pressed flat against it--I think in that case, you might add an extra line to clarify!

and the smudges remain motionless
empty
and refuse to feel

I like the smudges remaining motionless, but it feels a little more like art, when you can't draw anything but little lines, rather than writing. That would be fine, but because your title and ending line in all caps clearly indicate writer's block, I think that it would be better to lean the imagery a bit in the words/sentences direction rather than drawing. Like, "the chicken scratches remain motionless//they won't form letters on the page//empty//devoid of feelings" would have a much more writerly feel to it!

I HATE WRITER'S BLOCK

I'm not sure how I feel about this. I like the all caps, which conveys the rage against writer's block, but it also breaks away from your previous style. The lack of capitalization, punctuation, and even apostrophes seems to indicate the apathy of writer's block, when one can't even muster the motivation to make things correct. But the writer's block bit is in all caps, and then has the proper apostrophe. I think that you could convey this in a more creative way, without breaking from your previous style (which worked so well!). Maybe something like, "i. hate. writers. blooooock." That uses periods, but it seems a little more in line with the preceding style, just as an example.

Overall, nice poem! I would try to focus more on the imagery of writing or even of reading, and although your imagery doesn't have to be perfectly clear, I would also suggest making the face imagery a little more pointed so that we know what is meant by it. Nice job!

-Q




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Thu Mar 03, 2005 4:30 pm
Shriek wrote a review...



Wow, I really like this. It took me a couple times to read it through before I understood, but once I grasped what you were saying, I fell in love with the imagery you used. (It was enough to make me miss writing with pencil and paper instead of my computer!) This is a perfect description of what writer's block is like, at least in my eyes. Great job.

Lyndsey





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