Published May 21, 2011
I swing out of bed
and saunter to the bathroom
with my clothes
I twirl in the mirror
and fix my hair
I stomp down the stairs
and get my shoes out
I flare my hands
to wake them up
I lean to get my bowl
and gracefully pour
Lucky Charms
Alas,
the Morning Cha Cha
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Hi Gaga! I really liked this poem. It wasn't very in-depth, but every poem doesn't have to be filled with strong emotions.
There are three main parts to poem, voice/tone, imagery, and emotion. They are closely related. They feed off each other. Now, I said it isn't really bad that you don't have emotion, but your poem here is still slightly bland. I think the first thing you need to work on is your imagery. Imagery gives us something to picture, and it makes us slow down and take our time. With a poem as short as this you don't want people to basically skip over it! Slow us down. Make it important!
Basically the easiest way to get imagery is to describe things. Using poetic language helps a lot with this. Metaphors and similes help people picture things in their minds. Different ways of describing things also catches peoples attention. Give non-living things emotions. Play with it. I am not saying you have to change this particular poem, but in the future you should test things out, see what works best for you. What do you like the sound of.
All this imagery will help with your voice. The narrator in this has no personality. Is she a night owl or a morning person. You really don't know in this. Is she bubbly or quiet? You don't have to say: I jumped out of bed because I am a bubbly person. Try to show readers what you mean like this: I hopped out of bed. That means that you didn't try to go to sleep for an hour like I personally do. XD This is voice.
Your writing style is also affected by this. In things where you aren't writing from the first person you can show more of your personality. Some poets write with lots of description others with oodles of certain sounds like S's or I's. You don't have to try to make your style different, but try to show you in your writing. I want to know your personality.
Besides that I really like this. If you have any questions P.M. me.
A. S.
i just...i just... i dont know... i ran out of things to write....im sorry...
Um, I have to agree...what exactly are you going for with this? It's basically just a random person describing an everyday morning....
I have to agree with freewritersavvy. If you were going for humor, I don't really feel any. Neither does it have any feeling. You do use a lot of description, but why? What are you writing this for? The last line hints that it's tedious though rushed/busy, but you don't go into any more detail about it. There isn't anything different about the routine, either; it seems like what everyone does.
To make this poem better, I would go into more detail about how it's all just a routine and how all life is just a routine (IF this is what you were trying to say. Again, I couldn't quite figure it out.). Or, you could figure out what you are trying to do with this poem (why did you write it?) and just exaggerate that more. I think it could be very good if you did that.
Um... Alright, sounds like a usual morning routine, lacking in emotion and depth of description.
~FW~
Hullo there. I've noticed with a lot of your poetry its very very short, and usually has something to do with regular day life, which can definitely be a good thing, like the battle with your clothes. That one was funny. I would very much like to see other styles though. Keep it up =]