Published July 11, 2008
yellow, long, delicous and ripe
I write this while smoking my pipe
bananas bananas yes its true
scrumpcious, delicious
and nutrisious too
okay, in my defence its hard to find something that ryhmes with "ripe"
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wow, nice. =] i like the other one better.
Hey Gabe. Welcome to the site. Haven't seen you around much, alas- you shall be getting a friend request from me! Do not be alarm, I am just a friendly person. Hehe.
Okay, so the poem. I think this would constitute as a good beginning of a poem. It just seemed lacking vital substance. The theme- also the title, is a pretty dull- sorry, but yes, dull subject and I think it will take a little more than what you've done to pull it off. It's very basic, stuff here, and I don't think the poem does you justice.
I would suggest starting from the start. Firstly, read some poetry. Even if you're very well rounded on this topic, read it again. And then, perhaps look at the poets here. We've got some gems here, let me tell you. Oh and please, don't hesitate to PM me. I will reply, and help you in any way I can.
Try not to force your rhymes. Not sure if I agree with ProfessorRabbit's suggestion, because 'bong' is still very far removed from the theme. Most people actually prefer non-rhyming, from my experience. Just relax, pre-mediate what you're going to say, and write it. If it doesn't work, try again. No one gets it perfect first time. Many writers take years learning their craft, and you've got a head start. Now don't lose it!
Luck,
Eimear
Scrumptious, nutritious, delicious. Watch your spelling. Also, comma after "nutritious."
If you rearrange the first line so that "long" is at the end, you can rhyme it with "smoking my bong" instead, which seems more appropriate, considering this poem.