Warning: This work has been rated 18+ for language and mature content.
I learned that failure is by and large due to not accepting and successfully dealing with the realities of life…
Ray Dalio
May 15
…and then she closed the door behind her. I did not fully understand the shallowness of my deeds and the abstractness of my thinking. All I cared about was not to miss out on anything. Not to miss out on any of the pretty perfumed bodies, the curves, the whiteness of the skin... I was afraid of the solitude. It scared me because it reminded me of my own being. That’s why I lived and I forgot how to be, how to reflect on myself.
I went from bed to bed, from one party to another, drowning my fear in fancy bottles of vodka that I did not pay for. I pretended I am an artist, I pretended I have read Bukowski, but all I did was remembering handful of quotes that I repeated over and over again to impress people I did not even know.
But she might have revealed the other side of me. Now, she has left and I could not force myself to stop her from abandoning me. I could not be bothered. Even though the words she whispered in the middle of the night got through to me, eventually I have woke up as me. I live for the moment, the present, the very moment I inhale exhaling becomes a far, far future.
I live in the luxury that my parents’ money can afford. I do not think about my own pride, my family’s wealth is my pride. I pretend I do not care about the status I was born into. I do not have to care. People worship the shit I do not flush. I do not have to seek attention because it’s given to me.
I do not possess a real writing talent but it is a good pretense of an effort. I could have been a photographer or a painter too, but shit, that’s too much work. Writing is easy, I learned it as a six year old and nineteen years later it is the only thing that gives my drinking and laying around credibility. I am an artist. Con artist.
The life of sex, drugs and writing is pretty convenient. Distractions - that’s all I’m seeking. She had become more than a distraction, which led me to believe that sooner or later she’ll try to impose shackles onto the spirit of mine. And I must roam free in order to be me. I do not care about reality. As much as you might think I have failed, you are forgetting that I would have to recognize reality in order to accept my failure. But I do not live by the rules, I live like Jim Stark, I am a rebel without a cause. I am the embodiment of our generation, the generation nothingness. I deny the realities; I refuse to give my life purpose.
I am a purposeless writer.
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Canary word: Present
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125,013 Literary Works • 672,844 Reviews
A...strangely beautiful piece. I couldn't help but imagine the protagonist surrounded in a fog of smoke, purple and pink neon lights painting his expression, shadows of dancing women and cheering men on the background of a white wall. A portrait of sin, you could say. Very well done.
Firstly, the highlights:
-"but all I did was remembering handful of quotes that I repeated over and over again to impress people I did not even know." I think you meant 'remember' not 'remembering', and it should be 'a handful of quotes' not 'handful of quotes'.
-"People worship the shit I do not flush." For such an eloquent speaker (and not a bad writer, despite what the text may say), the protagonist isn't exempt from certain profanities. I don't take much of a grudge on this one, it actually enhances the work to some extent, but I do take a grudge on this one;
-"I could have been a photographer or a painter too, but shit, that’s too much work." I don't feel like the profanity did any good in this part. This is a personal preference, though, so take that with as many grains of salt as you need.
Now, onto the less substantial portion of this review:
I found this quite beautiful in its sentiment, and the message it was trying to pass. It was, overall, very eloquent, and had an atmosphere to it I could not shake. The protagonist was beautifully morally ambiguous and hedonistic, and it shows in his text, but at the same time there's a sadness to his actions that just brings everything together. Overall, a very good piece of work. I'm looking forward to the next chapter.
Signing out,
--EM.
Hi! Here to review!
Nitpicking:
"eventually I have woke up as me" should be "woken up"
Other than that: wow, I really liked that! The subject is dark and complex and your writing style does it justice. There are some really nice play on words I enjoyed and I'm looking forward to where this story might go. Right now there isn't much to go on yet, but this really has some potential!
Keep writing!