Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for language.
Sup, I’m Magnum Aubrey, but that name’s lame, I gotta come up with something cool soon. I live in a pretty cool city, I think it was called “Gearopolis” or something, lots of stuff to do here, and an unnecessary number of skyscrapers (what’s the point if the view is just blocked by more skyscrapers?). My older sister, Lotus, is also here. I’m pretty sure she just messes around with tech and reads books all day long; rarely does she get any sunlight. Oh well, her loss!
Wait, what’s that on the TV? “Tournament of the Cogs, winner gets to become a cog and show 'em”- oh, I just HAVE to go in there! I always dreamed of fighting and becoming an all-powerful cog! I’ll be able to do whatever I want, and nobody will be able to stop me!
“Aubrey, you aren’t going to that sketchy tournament, are you?” Great, here comes Ms. Know-It-All to ruin my fun. “Oh, come on, maybe if you knew how to enjoy life outside of that bedroom, you’d get it.” I then went on my way to the tournament.
These packed streets… urgh, how does anyone cross the road here? Oh man, once I become a cog, I’ll be able to just plow right through all this stupid traffic, or better yet, shrug it off entirely with my then-acquired resilience.
And here I am at the tournament avenue, to say that it’s flashy is an understatement to the word itself; it looked like a cross between a mosh pit and an idol show. The red lighting was getting me pumped, I couldn’t wait to get in!
One lousy ticket booth and I’m in, and my next opponent, Kenji, is… a small boy? And what is that costume? Samurai armor? And I can’t even begin to process how he can carry a katana twice as long as him.
“Are you that ‘Aubrey’ girl? Wow, you look so cool! …Well, not as cool as Lucia, no one can top her!” And his attitude (or lack thereof) … How was he even allowed? He’s too sweet for this kind of place. Pfheh, that’s what I’m here for, this fella’s about to get hit with the biggest reality check he’s ever had. He won’t even know what hit him.
Here comes the announcer. “Everyone! Welcome to the Tournament of Cogs. Here, we follow a best-of-three, single elimination format, with a total of 8 matches.” I know it’s their job, but how can announcers be this enthusiastic? “And we all know what we’re here for, the prospect of becoming a living weapon! With your acquired strength, no one will stand in your way!” That’s what we’re talking about!
…Hang on, Kenji seems worried? “I thought I was getting ice cream, at least Lucia told me I’d get some if I came here to help with a ‘case’ she’s been on about, something about cogs and their- ACK! I’VE SAID TOO MUCH!” Ok, note to self: whoever that “Lucia” is, she’s more than some random anime crush.
“And now, we begin our first set! Pick a side, Heaven or Hell, and let’s rock!” I feel like I’ve heard that somewhere before. Anyway, I’m siding with hell. Heaven is too boring.
“This is for Lucia!” “What? I don’t even know her.” “Well, yeah, but people say that on TV when they’re doing something for a loved one- OW! That was mean!” Heh, nothing beats a good ‘ol sucker punch.
“Blast!” I thought it was supposed to be “Slash!” I didn’t even do any sick tricks.
“Duel 2, fight!” Looks like he’s putting his all; he'd better land a good blow. “Eyargh!” Did he just smack the floor? “I should’ve listened to Lucia; this thing is way too unwieldy!” Ok, now you’re done for, be ready to call it quits- “Hey! Aubrey, I forfeit!” What? HE DIDN’T EVEN GIVE ME THE PLEASURE OF DRAGGING HIM ACROSS THE FLOOR!! No, no… calm down, he’s just a kid who got dragged into someone else’s business.
“Oh, then I guess we’re already done!” The crowd then booed, understandably. “I know, I know, but unfortunately, I don’t make the rules! With that said, we proudly announce Aubrey to be the winner of this set, and thus, advancing in the tournament bracket!” Yeah! I did it! Though I can’t help but feel that it was a bit of a cheap victory.
Kenji then turned to me and said, “I think Lucia would be interested in meeting you. She likes your type. Now, I don’t know if she wants to hit on you like she usually does or if it’s something more. See you until then!” Huh. To the next set, then, hopefully, this one will be more of a challenge.
“Hello, everyone. Before our next exciting match, I regret to inform you that we haven’t found enough participants for the 8-set format. Therefore, we’ll be shortening it to 4 sets. Setting that aside, get hyped for our next match: Aubrey vs. Saul!” Better not be another scrawny kid.
“Oi, mate! Hope we have a fun brawl.” Hmph. “Hey, are you from Australia by any chance?” “Yeh, mate! What of it?” “Just wanted to know. You seem like a nice dude.” “Thanks, mate!” I only hope that he dials down on all the “Mates.” Good fashion sense as well, that hat and jacket go well together. Though I do doubt that a whip would do much damage.
“Everyone, enter the heat of battle, and go for it!” Ok, it’s starting to get cheesy now.
Anyway, you know what to do, Aubrey, charge towards him at full speed! …If I could get in, that is! That whip of his won’t let me get within 15 meters of him. Just. Leave. An. Opening. GRAH!! I always despised this “zoning” kind of fighting.
THERE! Oh, I guess there is a reason as to why he plays keepaway. “Good blow, mate!” He’s frail.
“And, it’s 1-0 for Aubrey. Will Saul be able to make a comeback before it's too late? We’ll find out now!” Ok, maybe I should try feigning this time, and look at that. He did miss. Now he's wide open for another blow- Ow! “Look both ways before ya cross, mate!” Did he reel his whip back in to trip me? Creative. I’ll give him that.
And I still can’t get in there! All the whip cracks are giving me tinnitus as well, and I feel like my skin is burning. I think I’ll lie down for a bit… “Knockout! We're now on to the tiebreaker!” What. Oh, I get his strategy, death by a thousand papercuts.
“Fight!” Ok, be resilient, and block until you find an opening. Some of his more far-reaching attacks take time to recover. “C'mon, mate, you can't achieve anything by just stayin’ in one spot!” Just a little more… now. “Ladies and gentlemen. We call it a victory for our rising champion, Aubrey!”
“Yo, Saul, you did pretty good. Wanna go for a drink later?” “I’m down, mate! Maybe you could introduce me to the place, I’m new around these parts.” Good game. Now, I wonder who’s next.
I feel like I should call Lotus. Maybe she knows about some of this mess.
“Hey, sis.” “Hello, Aubrey. You don’t usually greet me like that. What’s going on?” “One of my opponents kept talking about someone named Lucia. Do you happen to know her?” “Yes, I do, actually. We’re good acquaintances. She’s the captain of the Turtle Master Brigade, an all-male band of”- “Excuse me, but I don’t have time to listen to all of her ‘epic backstory.’ Just tell me what she and Kenji are doing here.”
I then felt someone tap on my shoulder. “I’ll tell you all about it myself. Well, only if you manage to beat me first.” Ain’t that a smooth voice. …Wait. “Kenji told me a lot about you. I do like your type.” Oh god, I can already tell that she’s gonna be insufferable. “Gotta go. See you again another time once you’re done hibernating, heheh.”
“Everyone, we have quite the matchup here. On one side, we have the rising star, Aubrey, who gave every opponent she faced one hell of a beating. But on the other hand, we have the Turtle Brigade Captain herself, Lucia!” I could faintly hear that boy from earlier yelling, “I love you, Lucia!” Talk about a fanboy.
“Now, set ‘spell card’… what is this, Salem?”Oh, now he notices how silly these intros are. “Uh, time for some improv. Ahem. Ready your cartridges, and start!” Bang! That just barely missed. Almost no time to react, too.
“Did that scare ya, hottie?” I’ll show you who’s “hot”. Eargh! …huh? Where’d she go- OOF! You can’t just sidestep and butt me right in the guts! Since when did revolvers double as melee weapons?
The barrel of her revolver is staring me dead in the eyes, I better make a move or else- Bang! Give me a chance- Was that a blank? YOU SON OF A- OUGH! “Not used to dealing with someone versatile, eh?” That’s not versatile, that’s bullshit! My fist landed somewhere solid this time. “You know where to hit, I’ll give you that, but how good are you on instinct alone?” Bang! What? DID SHE JUST SHOOT THE LIGHTS OUT?!
Aubrey. Focus. Pay attention to your environment, the wind, and look for footsteps. I sense something. There! “Despite the technical difficulties. Aubrey still manages to score a win!”
“Folks, we’ve got blanks, brawls, and flirting! Is this a western or a rom-com?!Fight!” Bangbangbangbangbang!! She fired a volley of what are probably more blanks. Probably to create more noise. Come on, are those guns or movie props- FUCKIN! “Vision and sound aren’t everything, Auby, remember, instincts.” Why does she keep insisting on instincts… Something thin is pressing against my ribs. I bet she’s on the opposite side. Wham! “Ok, everyone, we got the lights back on, and it would seem that Lucia has been knocked out! Thus giving Aubrey yet another victory. She is unstoppable!”
Wow, my phone went wild during that fight. Let’s see. “DO NOT FINISH THE TOURNAMENT” “COMING TO GET YOU” Pfft. Drama queen. Anyway, I'd better take a nap before the finals. Huh? Are Kenji and Lucia coming to tell me something? “Wow, you must be pretty strong to defeat Lucia like that! But I wouldn’t be surprised if she was holding back!” “Thanks, Kenji. And that’s why I’m here. Aubrey, we could use your help on our crew; you don’t need to become a cog. With your tactics and raw strength, you’d already be a valuable asset!”
“Uh, no, thanks, I already made it to the finals. I’m not retiring now.” “Ok then, bratty. I’ll give you a hint about your next opponent, then. He really dislikes cogs.” Kenji seems worried again. “Kassidy… No… The Order of Prevalence scares me… they’re very serious. We wish you luck.” Ok, now I’m a bit scared myself.
“Now that we’re done with repairs, we are now ready to receive the one and only Kassidy, of Order of Prevalence fame.” Popular guy, huh. Wait, why do I hear trumpets? Don’t tell me the little prince has a whole marching band with him.
Wham! The arena doors explode inward, and there he is—Kassidy, strutting in like he owns the damn place. Snowflakes swirl around him like he’s some kind of fairytale princess, and his sword gleams like it’s carved from glacier ice. And he’s pretty too, teehee.
“You!” He said with a voice colder than his sharpened popsicle. “No cog shall rise, whether you want to or not.” Nevermind. He’s a zealot and wants me dead. “I’ll never back down, I’ll never be trampled again!” “So it would seem that you’re set on turning yourself into a ruthless weapon. Fine then, I’ll do whatever it takes to keep you from victory!”
“Damnation or Redemption—BRAWL!” He immediately swings at me—Ice shards flying where my feet were. But, please, these guys need better eyesight. Guess you’re all bark and no bite- Ough… I really should stop underestimating a good pommel.
I hear the order’s side of the crowd chanting something, “Rust! Rust! Rust!” I’ll show you who’ll rust.I charge towards Kassidy as I wind up my fist. GUH! I just ended up ramming myself against the tip of his sword. I might be bleeding. “Kassiy wins the 1st round!” “Your motivation is nothing more than selfish gratification.”
Fuck this. I charge recklessly once again. Juking his slash once I get in range and counter-attack with a haymaker, and I reel him back in with a tug of his cape and punch him in the guts, landing him in a crouch. “Exactly the aggression I expected from a soon-to-be cog.” He spits. “Says the scumbag who brought his whole fanclub with him.”
“And in the blink of an eye, Aubrey brings the fight to a tie! Who shall prevail?” “Enough!” Kassidy thundered as his blade glowed blue. I guess it is a cool sword. “You want power? Then feel the weight of it.” He stabs the ground, and icicles erupt, making a beeline toward me. One of them brushes my hand—my skin burns with cold, but my fingers still twitch..
Oh man, I’m in the thick of it. Wait, think back to what Lucia said—“He really dislikes cogs.” It would only make sense that his blade was designed specifically to deal with cogs; it still might be sharp, but it won't interfere with my nerves. I’m not a cog. Yet.
Hot blood soaked my side. No time to check—just keep swinging. I charge right through the ice, enduring the encroaching frostburn. I could see that idiot’s eyes widen—such narrow-mindedness. My uppercut lands square in his jaw, but he uses the momentum to yank me by the wrists right into his knee. I’m trying my best to gasp for air.
“We’re down to the wire, people!” Kassidy wipes his bloodied lips. “You got some quick thinking… shame that will go to waste.” “And you're too fixated to notice the obvious.”
He rushes toward me, I swiftly juke and get behind him, and I drive my elbow into his head. He stumbles—I kick the back of his knee. He finally goes down. “Cough, you brought the wrong weapon, twink.”
The crowd erupted. “Ladies and gents, we have it. The winner of the Tournament of the Cogs is no other than Magnum Aubrey!” The crowd’s cheers drowned out my wheezing. Worth it. I grinned through gritted teeth. For once, I felt like I triumphed over the competition, and once I'm geared up, no one will top me! I then felt something clawing at my ankle. “This is not over.” He snarls. “You’ll beg for death once they finish ‘upgrading’ you.” I shake him off. “Oh please, spare me the drama. I still have to get powered up and have a few drinks with Saul. Well… once I stop bleeding.” I should keep an eye out for him. He's out to get me.
“Aubrey, it’s time.” Two shady figures approach me, faces obscured by visors, I’ll assume they’re part of the staff. One of them presses a button on some device, and nothing happens. …I hear rumbling. An elevator shaft bursts through the arena floor. I make my way towards the door. Wait, is that Lotus? I turn around and I see her amidst the crowd… she’s in tears. The staff pull me further until we’re inside the shaft. The doors close, and we start going down.
Am I doing the right thing? All I wanted was to stand up for myself after being trampled for so long. I clenched my fists, seeing that alley again, those laughing faces, the feeling of pavement against my cheek. And I figured this would be the best way to achieve that. However, after all the warnings, being on the receiving end of Kassidy’s hatred, seeing Lotus like that… I can’t help but feel like I’ve made a mistake. “No turning back now. It’ll be worth it.” My knuckles whitened around the handrail. The lie tasted metallic, like blood from a split lip.
“Ms. Aubrey, here we are.” Talk about a long descent. The elevator doors finally opened. This place gives me the creeps, the dim lighting, the rusting metal. And what is that moldy gurney? Those are way too many appliances. “Oh no, that won’t be where the surgery takes place.” Said one of the figures, following my gaze. “That’s old-fashioned. It’ll be over there instead.” They pointed to a containment tube with green liquid inside. Whew, that’ll be one more day without knowing what it’s like being on the surgeon’s table.
I made my way to atop the tube’s lid. “Don’t worry, the liquid isn’t harmful to your lungs.” A figure reassured. “Not that breathing will matter once you become a cog anyway.” I dipped inside.
I feel drowsy, does this liquid contain anesthetics or somethin’…
ARGH!! My fingers are tingling… hehe… yes… I… I FEEL ALIVE!! GAHAHAHAHAHAH- OW! My laughter was choked off as I felt a sharp pain coming from my hips —SNAP!— a red spike burst through both sides. I feel like my skull is splitting. RED. EVERYTHING’S RED. “Welcome…” Whose raspy voice is that? “How would you like to be addressed?” …Cacto. “Nice meeting you, Cacto. Enjoy your new life as a superweapon.” Whoever you are, GET OUT OF MY HEAD!
I gasped awake. God, what a nightmare… Wait. I don’t have to breathe anymore. And I feel superpowered as well! “Hey, guys, there’s a voice in my head.” They looked concerned and whispered something to each other. “Ok. Um, look, under any circumstance, do not become stressed. You may lose control of yourself and become something very unpleasant. Other than that, you are now free to go.”
Aubrey’s gone. Out of the tube comes Cacto.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
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125,021 Literary Works • 672,739 Reviews
Hmm I like how we get a clear voice for your MC right of the bat. I just don’t understand why they’d be confused abt what their own home town is called?
Despite this being the first chapter, I’m getting lost just from all the stuff you throw at me. It’s great that you’re being in-character for your story but it’s all very jumbled. A bit of slowing down and explaining things in-character would really go a long way! Otherwise, it’s so easy to lose interest…
What would also help is if you were to put proper paragraphing into practice. Each new speaker gets their own paragraph. That way, you could use this paragraph to say more abt how your characters say their things or what they are doing while they are saying it.
I must say it is super hard to follow what is going on because you rarely explain anything. ☹
Hello there, human! I'm reviewing using the YWS S'more Method today!
Shalt we commence with the morbid S’more?
Top Graham Cracker - Magnum Aubrey wants to become a cog, but she faces many challenges along the way. These challenges don’t stop her from becoming the new cog, Catco, though. Now she’s going to battle new problems as Catco…
Slightly Burnt Marshmallow - I think I would like more of a fight between Lotus and Aubrey when they’re talking about the tournament because I feel like Lotus might do more to stop her from going. I’m also interested in learning more about the sisters’ personalities and backstories, particularly Aubrey, because she talks about “not wanting to be trampled on”, but I’m not sure what she means by that. If I’m missing something here then you can ignore this.
Chocolate Bar - I like the style of narration. Aubrey seems like a fun character and her desire to fight is very intriguing! I also like how she seems determined to become a cog matter what, it shows that she has a relentless fighting spirit. Her new name being “Cacto” sounds cool too, I wonder what she’ll do as Cacto. Another thing I liked was when they were leading her to the tube, that seemed to be full of suspense and the whole vibes of going into the tube was very spooky!
Closing Graham Cracker - Overall, an amazing introduction of chapters to this story! If you ever want to continue Aubrey/Catco’s story, then I will read the other parts, for I am interested to know more about her and the world that she lives in. I have enjoyed this and…
I wish you a dazzling day/night! ^v^