Every second, someone dies
and you seldom realize
each light snuffed out
was a candle lit in the darkness
when two became one
in a moment of love
or a moment of pain.
Each candle lit the world
or started a fire
or burnt a friend
or cowered in a crowd of candles
never showing its own light.
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125,021 Literary Works • 672,740 Reviews
Good poem
, but i think, and this is just my opinion, in the third line instead of saying light snuffed out maybe life snuffed out. But i still like it. I love the message of make your life worth living that i got from it. I love poems that make you think a bit more than usual on their message, which for me this did. Keep it up.
I really liked this poem. However, as I was reading it I didn't really know what you were comparing the candle to. After reading, I thought about it for a little and I decided it could be related to someone's personality. Sometimes people are afraid to show who they really are and instead of expressing themselves, they instead, hide behind others, thus the line "cowered in a crowd of candles." Thus, I like how the poem leaves it's meaning up to the imagination of the reader.
I didn't really understand the first four lines but I liked the part "when two became one in a moment of love or a moment of pain." It really seemed to reflect how people need to be loved. There wasn't much punctuation, like commas to separate the lines. When you were listing at the end, I thought it was a great idea, but even for poems, I think some of the sentence structure rules should apply. However, I have seen published poems written in similar ways, so I wouldn't really worry too much about it. You're rhyming is also pretty good, but you drop it nearer to the end of the poem. This may or may not be something you want to work on.
Despite some of the things it would be good for you to work on, great job! It's an excellent piece of a beginner's work, and reflects feelings in a vague but interesting way!
I really enjoyed this poem. It was very interesting and had a lot of interesting perspective. Comparing candles to human life was really cool. I see nothing wrong with this poem.
This poem works really well as one huge stanza, I don't know whether this was intended, or whether it was the YWS format, but it still works good.
So, I think I'll go through this sentence by sentence; so in two parts.
So, the first two parts in red rhyme, but the rest of the poem does not. This created an awkward tone to reading aloud and could do with changing. Click this link for some synonyms to 'realize'.
The other part in red, the word 'or' is highlighted because I don't think it makes much of an impact. The last two lines to this part felt too similar, and didn't do much to make an impact on me. Although, this was nicely structured with nice content and no punctuation mistakes!
Lovely content, my only problem is that you use 'candle' too much. You would probably benefit this poem by substituting this 'candle' for something else. You could just get rid of it altogether and say:
"or cowered in a crowd
never showing its own light." It wouldn't take any effect away from the poem and we know that you are talking about a candle because you stated it at the start. I do like the alliteration of "cowered" and "crowd" so that was a good use of that language device.
Overall, I enjoyed your poem. I didn't have any major issues with it and it was fairly enjoyable to read.
Good luck with future writing and well done!
-Clarity.
Good poem. Kinda depressing though. However, if you wanted to expound on that, I would add some imagery. You might also try personifying the candles a little more. Rhyme schemes are always nice too. And I hate to say this, but your poem isn't exactly flowing the way it should. A poem should roll of the tongue more... I don't know, maybe that's just me. Good luck with your writing!
Hmm, Well first review!!! yay!!
Hm I liked this poem... there is no grammar errors such as spelling mistakes and stuff like that so I think it is pretty good!!! The poem was very interesting, I like how you dealt with candles and comparing them to death and love and life and all that. I think you had a very good idea! Well Keep writing and good job!!!