The blade is my friend.
My one and only friend.
No one else feels my pain,
but my skin and my soul.
All i can do is just
cut myself and wish
I was never born.
When no one else cares
that they are hurting me,
I try to ignore it, but it
has become to much
to handle. My mother
starves me, my father
is a drunk, my sisters
don't care. My blade is
my friend, my one and
only friend. No one
else feels my pain.
No one will ever see
me again. Goodbye
to everyone who has
known me. Goodbye
to everyone who has
hurt me. This is my note
for my sharp suicide.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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Original Text:
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
Hello! I like to review poetry to be honest and I quite enjoy it too so, I think I'll leave a review for you!
It's really applaudable that you could write in such brilliance about such emotional state. It's really a strange state of mind, I never really liked the idea of suicide, nor do I support it but, it interests me a lot. As a consequence, I'm thinking to read the suicide theories of Emile Durkheim thoroughly once again.
Well anyway, you have, throughout your poetry, mentioned and thought blade as your best companion and like, you felt abandoned so, you thought taking your life would be the best solution for the moment. I can relate to the feeling of worthlessness and I feel it vulnerably often. It's not grand, I know. In fact, it's very tragic. But, you see, it's not just you. Or, me and you. Thousands of people around the world are feeling it, everyday, even probably right at this moment while I'm writing this, bunch of teens from California may be feeling they've got no reasons to live! So, my point is, while the whole world is feeling the way you are, you are not alone. Everyone can't be equally worthless, can they? So, the answer is, no one is. Each and everyone is important for someone.
If you don't mind, I could share a personal experience with you. I am an aspiring photographer. I don't take much amazing photos but I manage! >.< But, the point is, I often feel unappreciated, very much. And, you know what helps me overcome those feelings? The little appreciation I receive from those few who care! :') Trust me, it's amazing. It's almost impossible that in this big, wide world no one cares at all! Yes, many of us can't show that way but they still do. So, hang on and try to have fun, with yourself. <3
Reason why I wrote this review with such personal notes is, I believe poetry reflects our personal experiences and feelings. And, no matter your poetry is brilliantly written with good format, I'd never want anyone to feel that vulnerably and unworthy.
Stay amazing and love yourself! ~Mialynire.
Hello!
Personally, I feel the repetition of "friend" damages the flow. Repetition of one word within such a short period makes me, as a reader, do a double tale and think "am I reading this right", interrupting me. It also makes me wonder why you repeated it. Probably for emphasis, but there's not a lot to the word friend. I understand the idea you're portraying right away, so maybe a synonym would fit better.Its very difficult to review this type of poetry, due to the sensitive topic. I feel like I should be walking on eggshells, but I'm gonna try be honest and helpful
Grammar and spelling in the spoiler:
Spoiler
should be "too"
OK on to content.
I think the 'else' interrupts the flow, and I don't think it's too essential, so I would suggest removing it.
Same deal as the last line, I don't think the "just" fits or is necessary.
I'm seeing a repetition of the first two lines again, and I'm not sure if there was supposed to be a break between these two sections, with the "my blade is my friend.." bit at the start of each stanza. Maybe YWS ate the formatting, it happens sometimes. If not, and you don't feel like changing the "my blade is my friend..." bit, I think this poem would work as two stanzas. If you want to keep it as one stanza, I would cut those repeating lines.
Personally, I find this line to be a bit cringey. It's just a personal thing, but I don't feel like it is phrased as well as it could be. If this line had been at the start of the poem, I would have stopped reading.
Overall, I liked your poem. Reviews on poems of this nature can seem harsh, but remember I'm trying to help you improve the poem. Good work!
Thank you for your help and it is okay I am open to criticism and offers of help I am not one to turn down a good or bad review. I will be sure to revise me poem later on in the day. Have a wonderful week.
Thank you for your help and it is okay I am open to criticism and offers of help I am not one to turn down a good or bad review. I will be sure to revise me poem later on in the day. Have a wonderful week.
Thank you for your help and it is okay I am open to criticism and offers of help I am not one to turn down a good or bad review. I will be sure to revise me poem later on in the day. Have a wonderful week.
Thank you for your help and it is okay I am open to criticism and offers of help I am not one to turn down a good or bad review. I will be sure to revise me poem later on in the day. Have a wonderful week.
Wow, I respect your ability to capture such feeling, and more so your ability to capture it when you're the one watching. I went through ( and still do to some extent ) this type of thing, and even being the sufferer of depression and self harm I still could not capture it the way you do. It's simple and almost brave. I love the way you bolded the letters and put them in the center of the page. It's a bold statement, almost a plea for help in a way. Great job.
Thank you very much caterose. Honestly I am the one in the poem.when I wrote poetry I make it seem as if I am a third party when I am the one I'm writing about. I have suffered with depression since I was 7 and found writing and music to be my way out and self harm I have suffered with just as long. I tend to write poetry like this to show that pain is there but there is a way out and that no one is alone or should feel alone . Thank you for your comment
Thank you very much caterose. Honestly I am the one in the poem.when I wrote poetry I make it seem as if I am a third party when I am the one I'm writing about. I have suffered with depression since I was 7 and found writing and music to be my way out and self harm I have suffered with just as long. I tend to write poetry like this to show that pain is there but there is a way out and that no one is alone or should feel alone . Thank you for your comment
I've dealt with it for four years. And honestly, writing saved me. That's a really interesting move with being third party. I've never seen that done with a poem like this. If you need to talk btw, I'm here. Even if I don't have words I can always listen
.
Aww thank you. you are a very kind and honest person and i respect that. I am also here if you need to talk