Insomnia

A final attempt. From the ticking clock in the hallway, I counted merciless minutes.
Five. Ten . Fifteen.
I tossed.
Twenty. Twenty-five. Thirty.
I pulled the covers further onto myself to shield my face. From whom exactly? Did I fear the intruder's gaze? Said intruder began to make frequent appearances, and so gained the status of an unworthy, unwanted guest. And from that status the wicked fiend made a wholehearted effort to make themselves at home, thus becoming an intimidating, everlasting presence.
Thirty- five. Forty. Forty- five.

A ray of light cut the bedroom into two section, and from where my head was resting my monotone gaze settled upon rising dust particles. They were restless, and so was I. Instinctively, my feet shuffled. The mound consisting of my blanket and duvet distorted in shape again. Each time I did so, a new creation would form, possessing its own curves and edges.
Fifty. Fifty- five. Sixty.

Every single night, she devoted her time to sharing my bedroom with me. She would not dream to leave so soon without any satisfaction. My head was throbbing, my back ached, and it seemed to me as if I was aiming to fall asleep on a bed of rose bush thorns. Discomfort was one matter, a miserable mind another. A gust of wind outside caused the tree branches to flutter. They stroked the window pane silently. I prayed to God it would come to an end.
Sixty- five. Seventy. Seventy- five.

The entire block of apartments had fallen silent long before the clocks had struck two in the morning, leaving one sober soul to himself. Sober, yet intoxicated with fatigue. What was the feeling of salvation? What was it like to be taken away by the night? What was the joy of sleep? I had lost track of time as I had lost the ability to shut my eyes and clear my mind. I jerked the covers off.

The clock in the hallway never ceased to count the seconds, the minutes, the hours. Time never stopped. Time never waited.

A pile of chemistry textbooks lay stacked on top of the desk of my study, accompanied by empty cups and a plate with a stainless steel fork. Lectures, along with the constant desire to progress academically had taken over my daily life. This routine had consumed me and expanded beyond belief. Nevertheless, I did not regret my choices. It was clearly the simplest way to pass the time, but perhaps the reason why I lacked social companionship. I grimaced while sitting up.

The floorboards creaked under my unsteady steps. Dots and colours illuminated in front of my eyes, as I stumbled to the window. Opening it, a shiver was sent down my spine, and I could feel each hair beginning to protrude. Fresh air indeed was my only hope for a cure. I surveyed the surroundings. The street lights flickered powerfully, and the sidewalk was to be seen brightly and clearly. Some shadows danced about, playing tricks, as the trees shook their leaves. I poked my head outside and inhaled deeply, feeling the slight breeze weave its way through my hair. Gazing at the few stars, I could hear an odd car engine die off in the distance. Bert, the cat of the retired lady who lived a block prior to mine, strolled on the path dragging his tail behind him, his eyes green and fierce. Oh, how I envied the trees, the stars, the night itself. Why ? Because I knew she would not leave me be. Not tonight.

I resented myself for obeying her, but I truly knew of no other way to kill this misery. I entered the bathroom barefoot, and the cold tiles soothed me. I stopped myself from turning on the lights, and blindly searched one of the cabinets over the sink. My right hand finally tightened around a cylindrical container. In this instant, I knew she was towering over me, grinning, cheering for me, congratulating me. I was feeding her yet again. Feeding a grotesque disease.Filling one of the cups that lay undisturbed on the desk of my study, I shook the pill box. It rattled, and to that noise I responded with a sigh. The stock was beginning to deplete steadily. Feeling ill, I unscrewed the cap and selected a pill at random, placing it between my lips. I hesitated for a moment. It was a lost cause. I was a lost cause. A tear of frustration slid down my cheek as I swallowed heavily. Behind me, she clapped her hands and laughed hysterically. That beast enjoyed imposing hardship ever since she decided to torture me.

“What do you want?!” I yelled across the still air and empty halls. Silence.
“What do you want from me ?! “ I slammed a fist into the nearest wall, stumbling as I did so. And no reply.
“Leave me alone! Why do you haunt me ?” Silence. Only a mere echo. My knees surrendered under my weight as I slid to the floor, outstretching my body across the bathroom entrance. And the clock continued to count the seconds, the minutes, the hours.

Slumber must have taken me into its arms. I awoke to the sunlight creeping in to tickle my face. I was mistaken to think she might leave. She enjoyed my company too much, after all. She would not vanish. She had not done so for years, and she did not do so for years to come. Oh, how I loathed her presence, yet I knew she loved me with a sick passion. The cruelest of them all. Insomnia.