They're cannibals. Not tearing apart the flesh, but devouring the souls. Consuming them bit by bit. Feeling the warmth slide down their throats. Not as the warmth of love, but as the heat of anger and resentment.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
125,009 Literary Works • 672,839 Reviews
Hi there, welcome to YWS
I love your opening, its cold and sharp like a bite, so really reflects the idea of cannibalism and difficult parents. I also like the way you've formed this, its on a traditional romantic stricter that really contrasts with its content, its ironic and bold.
I do agree that you should flesh it out a bit (excuse the pun) and avoid using short sentences all the time otherwise it starts to feel more like a list, rather than a poem. You've got some very striking statements which are really good but develop them a bit more, maybe talk about how the children are effected by these 'cannibals'. But I like the comparisons you make, do more of that.
Overall I thought this was a strong piece so well done, keep developing it but for such a short poem and a first submission this very good.
Keep writing,
~*Annapurna*~
Hi there, and welcome to YWS! cleverclogs here for a quick review!
As your first work, this is pretty good. I like the comparison, even if it totally isn't true for a lot of parents. Once mistake I found:
The title attracted me to this poem. It was very inventive and made me want to find out what this work was, so good job on that.
I feel like this would flow better if the word "as" is removed in both places.
One recommendation I have would be to add a bit more detail to make it a juicy, rich poem. Instead of opening with "They're cannibals," you could put a description about how they eat people before revealing that the cannibalism is of the soul. Also, it would be good to mention that the cannibals are parents in the poem. If you hadn't told us in the description, we never would've known.
My favorite line:
I love this line (sans the word "as") because it has such strongly contrasting themes. It works really well.
Overall, solid poem. Nice use of language, but it could use a little more description. Keep up the great work!
hi.prithamrittika here for a review. it's your first work but you can do better. first of all i like to ay you if you wrote your poem like this:
They're cannibals.
Not tearing apart the flesh, but devouring the souls.
Consuming them bit by bit.
Feeling the warmth slide down their throats.
Not as the warmth of love, but as the heat of anger and resentment.
the poem will looked more nice and more beautiful. you should write your poems more beautifully which attracts the reader.your line should be more meaningful, which can feel every line of your poem to your reader.keep writing.......