I find it really hard to play volleyball,
And, just so you know, I really try to give it my all
But it's like the flying' balls
Come straight at my head
So I jump back, in defence, instead
People are like, you can't just not hit the ball,
But then I tell them, I trying, really, to give it my all!
They just don't understand,
I try and lend a hand
I try and sympathise with them but in the end
It's just not the same thing, the energy I spend
They say, I'm good and love the sport in short breaths
It's just not the same thing, they just don't understand
Sometimes I think they are bad like me too
But then I realize it's too good to be true
I'm just not brand new
like 4, 3, 2,
I'm the only one that's bad
Everyone knows the truth
Nobody is bad like me
Or at least like that it seems
I stop and stare at tree's
I guess I'm just not made for the sport
And don't count on me in the court
I daydream too much, should I abort?
In the meantime, I'm trying my best,
But patience could become our best friends
On this I depend
Please understand
And lend a helping hand
this poem is not the best,
do not judge
Thanks,
FrogPebbles
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125,005 Literary Works • 672,804 Reviews
Hey there! Happy Review Day!
Aw, no one's here to judge! If my review feels like I'm judging you, I can 134.78% assure you that I am not. I'm simply trying to help out and I do hope that I do! Now that that's out of the way, onwards to the review?
I actually can really relate to this poem and that's what I like about this. It's relatable and I'm sure can connect to many people. I'm not the best at sports (really) and the struggle that these words make up really, pretty much, describes me! Poems that are relatable, I think, are ones that are good because it gives the reader the ability to connect with the poem more. I like how you did this, and it seems like you based it off true experiences?
I think the rhyming was what really pulled away from this poem. I like how you went with rhyming instead of free verse, but I think it might benefit more from a rhyming scheme. A rhyming scheme is where you kind of follow a pattern - ABABAB for example. The rhyming in this poem is kind of all over the place and isn't balanced. For example, you have three lines in a row that rhyme, then two, etc etc. A rhyme scheme might work better, and it'd be cool with this poem because rhymes were repeated a lot!
Also, while on the subject of rhymes, some syllables were a bit off. So, basically, if you added another word or two to certain lines, it would strengthen it but also match it up "more" with the other rhyming line. For example:
"I live on a street by the bay,
next to fae."
to
"I live on a street by the bay,
next to a bunch of fae."
It smooths out the rhymes and can even make it feel a little less forced.
I loved the repetition of rhymes - sometimes repetition doesn't work out in a poem but I kind of liked how this ended up, and it worked well in your favor!
I think that's all I have to say. Keep writing!
~ EternalRain
Hello there, FrogPebbles!
This is Moonwatcher here for a Review Day review! ^-^
Alright, this is a speech I pretty much give anybody who has a rhyming poem. It's more of advice rather than an issue. This being a friendly reminder that not all poems have to rhyme. I stress this because so many people have the idea glued to their heads that all poetry has to rhyme, which is untrue. The reason I believe that not all poems should rhyme is that I personally feel like it's a burden. Sure it may improve the flow of the poem, but it can also limit the author's vocabulary. It gets in the way of writing the poem, with the author constantly getting stumped on what rhyming word they should select that would make the most sense. It can also block many emotions and feelings that the author would like to convey through their poetry.
I'm not going to be too harsh on the imagery aspect of this poem, because the rhyme may have already gotten in the way, and the poem seems more singsongy. However, my point would've been that the poem lacks originality and presents weak imagery. Some lines in poetry have just been used so many times, done to death, if you will. In order to make your poem stronger, I suggest presenting something new to the table. Go more in depth with your descriptions and how you feel. Make the poem represent you, and how you feel. Don't worry about what other people think or what descriptions would make sense to them (hence, why that last part of the poem isn't necessary). Make the poems yours.
Decent work, and it has potential, but certainly a lot of room to grow. Have a great day, and I hope this review helps out!
Nice! A lot of potential
I'm pretty sure nobody will judge your work. After all we are all here to encourage each other.