Lies and Hope

Loved him I did,
but did I really?
Only I know what I hid
from the people who love
and care for me.

Why did I do such a thing?
Why did I start it?
So why didn’t I end the fling,
when it would have hurt the least?

Did I like causing him pain?
Can I ever be true even to myself?
It only leaves me with shame.
But did I ever really care?

My friends didn’t get it.
I don’t think they ever will
because I am an never ending pit.
They can not see what lies deep within me,
for there is no light there for them to see.

So is this who I am
Is it really so dark and cold within me?
Will I ever find someone that can
and will shed some light on me so I can see
Who I really want to be?