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The Blood Witch

by FourLeafClover


The shards of glass glitter in the gloom,

The only source of light in the room.

My cloak fills the air with the scent of blood,

But it's nothing compared to that flood.

-

The water roars with screaming souls,

And yet, still, the tsunami rolls.

The bodies still remain where they lay,

Ling'ring in the same phase of decay.

-

The sirens still sing a haunted tune,

The blood's reflections shimmer in the moon.

-

On that cruel day, many people died,

And about that fact, the government lied.

They hid the stories of people who fought,

Made everyone believe it was all for naught.

-

On that day, while I saw people die

I admit, I was not one to cry.

I celebrated this wonderful victory,

For to me the cause was no mystery.

-

I am the Blood Witch who pulled out those vials,

I am the Blood Witch with all of those denials.

I borrowed their blood for my perfect potion,

I borrowed their blood to end the commotion.

-

I am not a villain,

I am not a devil.

I am a Blood Witch

And I am a hero.


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364 Reviews


Points: 37675
Reviews: 364

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Sun Sep 12, 2021 2:27 pm
Plume wrote a review...



Hey there, and happy RevMo! Plume here, with a review!

I enjoyed reading this poem! I think that it had a nice narrative and had a mystical air about it that made it quite compelling.

One of the most chilling aspects of the poem was that sort of ideology of your narrator, the Blood Witch. It was so interesting how they believed themself to be the hero of the story despite acknowledging that they killed a lot of people. It was an interesting way to frame things and it certainly made me think harder about the specifics of the poem. It was executed very nicely and appropriately chillingly, and it made the poem all the more enjoyable to read. Nice job!!

One thing I enjoyed was the smaller stanza in the middle. It was sonnet-esque, where you have a rhyming couplet after a few bigger stanzas. It provided a nice change of pace that slowed down the poem a bit and somehow also conveyed the passage of time (to me, at least). I don't know why, but it felt like one of those sped up clips of the sun moving across the sky to show that time has passed that they use in movies. I'm not sure if that was the intention, but given the stanzas before it were more in the moment and the ones after it were more objective, that was the mental image my mind conjured up.

One thing I wondered about was the last stanza. I get that it was supposed to be impactful by being different/not rhyming, but honestly, in the grand scheme of your poem, it threw me off a bit. Since the rest of the poem rhymed, I feel like the last stanza should, too. I really enjoyed the message/what you were trying to convey with it, but I think if there were clearer rhymes and flow it would pack an even harder punch.

Overall: I thought this poem was quite well written and it told the story of a morally corrupt Blood Witch very nicely. The narrative was delightful and a bit spooky to read, and you did a great job at building the ambiance! I hope to read more of your work soon! Until next time!!

Image






Thank you for the review!
After I went back to read it, I realize that you're right about the last stanza, so I'll try to figure out how to change it to be rhyming.



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36 Reviews


Points: 1987
Reviews: 36

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Sun Sep 12, 2021 2:17 pm
HikariHateke wrote a review...



Hello, Hikari here with a review; let's jump right into it shall we?

{The shards of glass glitter in the gloom,

The only source of light in the room.

My cloak fills the air with the scent of blood,

But it's nothing compared to that flood.}

I really liked this third stanza it caught my attention and left right into the second stanza fairly well!

{The water roars with screaming souls,

And yet, still, the tsunami rolls.

The bodies still remain where they lay,

Ling'ring in the same phase of decay}


Oh and this stanza! The first part sends a little chill down your spine! but when I read the word {ling'ring} I read as 'ling ring' and had to go back and piece together that you meant lingering but like without a letter, and like I get that people do that when talking saying things like 'ts instead of its and come 'ere instead of coem here but iv never heard long'ring before so it kinda threw me off? Maybe it's just that I've had reading comprehension? Idk but I think (maybe) you should change that?

Moving on.

{The sirens still sing a haunted tune,

The blood's reflections shimmer in the moon.}

Oh again with the little chill in my spine, and I'm not sure why this stanza is shorter then the rest but its still good so I suppose it doesn't really matter.

{On that cruel day, many people died,

And about that fact, the government lied.

They hid the stories of people who fought,

Made everyone believe it was all for naught}

And this could go for a lot of tragedy's that have happened over the years, sad really.


{On that cruel day, many people died,

And about that fact, the government lied.

They hid the stories of people who fought,

Made everyone believe it was all for naught}

I don't know why but this reminded me of ceased being stabbed lol

{I am the Blood Witch who pulled out those vials,

I am the Blood Witch with all of those denials.

I borrowed their blood for my perfect potion,

I borrowed their blood to end the commotion}

Now this stanza makes me think of a doctor or nurse?



{I am not a villain,

I am not a devil.

I am a Blood Witch

And I am a hero.}


And then I like how the last stanza is in the corner as if the voice saying these words are very far away

Overall this is a really cool poem! Kudos 💛❤






Thanks for the review!
I'll work on that word!




One believes things because one has been conditioned to believe them.
— Aldous Huxley, Brave New World