The little boy had never seen a piano before. When he found it, he was completely inept of it. His mother had told him to never go into the attic, but why would she want to keep him away from a piano? His insurrection had made him even more upset than he was before. His pompous (and completely tone-deaf) mother would hate the beautiful sound of this glorious Yamaha concert piano. The major chords to him, would be a cacophony to her. The ghastly screams of his mother when she saw the attic door open are still imbedded in his mind today. When she came running in and saw the little boy touching the Yamaha, she started crying. She never wanted to be reminded of him. She never wanted to be reminded of the vivid imagery of her father. She loved him, and loved his music even more.
It was June 25, 2002, when her father passed. According to the will, she was given his favorite piano. She took it home, but with plenty of trouble. Any way around it, it was a beautifully crafted instrument, and it was perfectly tuned every single day he was alive. If she had the wrong mindset, she could sell it to a professional and make a lot of money. But she had a different mindset than you and I. I would have set it out and learned to play it. You might have sold it, you might have played it, or you might have done what she did. She put it away in the attic, where she would never have to look at it again. She loved her father, and she didn't want this beauty to be tarnished.
It had been soiled. The little boy’s fingerprints had broken the perfect sheen of the top. That’s what his mother thought, but the sheen was ruined long ago when it was placed in the dark and stuffy attic. When she looked at the piano with this new light of a new day, she saw something she had never noticed before. There was a note sticking out of the side. She read it to herself.
Dear Amelia,
It has been a lovely first year with you in the house. The first of many children, I presume. If you’re reading this, I have passed, and your mother has followed my directions. I just wanted to say thank you for bringing the happiness back into my life. I can tell that you don’t like my music, even now at one year old. That might change. It might not. Either way, thank you so much.
Alexander
It was the first time she had heard his name for twenty years. She looked on the back of the note to see if there was anything else. Sure enough, there was a little something special. It was a picture that they had taken of her, her father, and her mother. She hadn't seen her father's face in a long time, and hadn't seen her mother's for much longer.
The little boy then learned (along with his mother) how to play the piano. Thirteen years later, he was eighteen. His musicality gave him the ability to go to whatever college he wanted to, with everything completely free. At his mother's funeral, he played his, his mother's, and his grandfather's favorite songs.
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139,349 Literary Works • 672,540 Reviews
That was very beautifully written! I do believe it could use a tad bit more of .. a show of emotion. It will help the readers feel more for the characters and they'll be able to image the scene much more with a more vivid sense even though it is a short story. The sadder the story the more tears or 'feels' it should produce. I loved it though! It hit close to home for me and for others it might open a few dreary eyes about their own situations if anything like this scenario. Please do keep me posted if you do indeed create more works as good as this one! -your fellow future author in the making
I liked it a lot and the tittle itself was really dragging me to actually read this long work of yours.I think it is really unique and to take several generations and put them in one whole story is an interesting idea,also.
I do not want to say anything bad about this.Others had reviewed this also so they had done the reviews in which they tell you your mistakes or whatever so I will drop that.I will just say to go on because I like it.
This was a touching little story. I sort of wish it was longer, because it had a good premise overall, with different opinions surrounding one object that's given sentimental value despite perhaps not being too special. I love those kinds of stories. They're all very touching and always strangely human to me.
Just one mistake I wanted to point out:
-"Any way around it, it was a beautifully crafted instrument, and. it was perfectly tuned every single day he was alive." The period was in the middle of the sentence, and it distracted me for a little while.
Now, to the review.
Overall, as I said before, I think you can expand a little bit on this story. Who are the characters involved? Who is the child? Why does he like playing piano? What's his motivation, his drive? And whose the father? Was he a kind man? Was he a lovely man? Did he have anything special about him that made him distinct from other kindhearted piano players? And what of his daughter? Why doesn't she like playing the piano? These questions could help in humanizing the characters involved, and making the climax of the story much more powerful because we know these characters as friends, not words.
Overall, though, this was a lovely little read, and I'm glad I had it on my to-do list.
Signing out,
--EM.
You've really got a great piece of writing on your hands here. I love the idea of this one object bringing three different generations together. It's also super interesting how, the mother thinks she's preserving the piano by keeping it hidden in the attic but in reality leaving it up there to gather dust is doing it more harm than good. Thought-provoking stuff!
If I must nit-pick some things to fix, it might be correcting the indent in the first paragraph. It's a bit off. Also, perhaps editing that first paragraph down. "His POMPOUS (and completely TONE-DEAF) mother would hate the BEAUTIFUL sound of this GLORIOUS Yamaha concert piano." Pompous, tone-deaf, beautiful, glorious. That's a lot of description for one sentence. Remember, sometimes less is more. When it comes to descriptions, short and sweet is usually the way to go.
Again, I'm nit-picking here. I really did enjoy reading this piece. Looking forward to what you post next!
- Sofie
Hey there AlphaDalek. It's just lizzy dropping by real quick, so without a further ado, let the reviewing begin.
I believe when you are doing a letter or note format, the introduction/greeting should be separate from the bottom. Your piece wasn't like this but I figured you just forgot to hit enter.Wait is this actually a piece that has a sort of happy ending? Re-reads 50 more times. Lately I've been reviewing a lot of novels so it's nice to be moving back to short stories where there are no strings attached. I am going to start thanking every author of every piece I review until I get my fourth star. So thank you for publishing the piece that my 129th review is on. Enough with my chit chatting so this is where the real review begins.
Insert the two or three lines about spelling, grammar, and typos.
-I am not sure what to classify this under but grammar/spelling/typos is the closest I have to formatting.
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To me it just doesn't seem right when a sentence is started with a numeral. If you wanted the "13" to be there, I suggest just spelling it out. If you spell out the 13 it would probably look best if the 18 was spelled out as well.
It's not often that I come across a story and I am just speechless. I can't say anything about a major plot hole or a twisted timeline. Your work almost passed through but then there were these two little lines I noticed that didn't seem very realistic to me.
From the first line we find that she wasn't the favorite but the second shows she was the oldest. I thought that usually in families it was the oldest and the youngest that got the most attention. Am I wrong in thinking this or did you intend for something to have happened in the middle?
Well that's about all I have for this review. Sorry if I couldn't offer anymore advice. Love the username and profile picture by the way. I changed it now but I used to have a SuperWhoLock poster in the profile box.
Have a nice day.
Lizzy
The Queen of the Book Clubs
Thank you for the positive input. I don't really write much, and I've had this in my head for a long time, and I finally put it into words. I switched around the few contradictions that you pointed out. Thank you.