Published November 18, 2011
I’m married to a private feeling,
A hunch I get when night stops by,
A thing I do to pass the time,
I’m stoppered now, and now I’m not
It’s much like pain,
But one that edifies,
Lifts me high,
Makes me wanna touch the ceiling
It’s a dangerous world inside head,
But head can take the beating,
Because head knows,
I’m married to a private feeling
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140,255 Literary Works • 673,077 Reviews
Oh, wow.
Hi there, Formslipper.
This is beautiful. I love how it flows, the idea you brought is really creative and when you come down to analyze it, it's the sweetest thing I've ever heard. XD I also love how it starts and ends the same way, makes the reader want to read it all over again. ^_^
Although, I would re-read and edit on things like... Well, check out this line for example: "It’s a dangerous world inside head" I would love to see a 'my' before head, because it kind of reminds me of Tarzan without it. xD
But you certainly did an impressive job. Keep it up!
~Solly<3
Hello Formslipper,
This is an interesting poem that you have here and it definitely has loads of potential. It's a really interesting concept and I like the thought and depth of this poem. You definitely provoked my thoughts and it was really a very clever concept that you have come up with and i liked this poem a lot.
The first stanza is a very good start to the poem and I like how you have started the poem straight away because it is always nice to read a poem that dives straight into the subject and doesn't mess around with anything irrelevant and unnecessary.
Personally though I think that you should use an alternative word for "thing" in line three. It doesn't sound poetic or thoughtful like the rest of the poem and it seems a little rushed. Also the lack of punctuation bothers me a bit. Even though it is a poem and grammar isn't as important it's still important to maintain the flow that you would have in a normal story otherwise it doesn't sound right and it looks a little lazy and scruffy.
This stanza is also very nice and a really good a to continue this poem. The only problem is just the punctuation again and i don't think I need to go over that again, it's just something you should keep an eye on when you write a poem in the future.
Awww, that's a very sweet way to end a lovely poem and I like how you used the title at the very start of the poem, to introduce the topic and again at the end of the poem, to end the poem. I also like how you take about head as one thing and separate to you and the private feeling.
Overall you have a lovely poem and i really look forward to seeing your poems in the future and if you have any questions or comments about this review then please get in touch and hopefully I can help you! Keep up the amazing writing, this was incredible!
From DreamingForever
wow.This is a great job from you:D
i like the theme that you grab thereit really working as a good poem.
'
'It’s a dangerous world inside head,
But head can take the beating,
Because head knows,
I’m married to a private feeling'
*especially this stanza.Hope to see more masterpiece from you.so keep writing,Okay!