Published October 24, 2010
My heart aches
The days that gray clouds appear
The drops that fall from heaven
Are like the tears falling down my face
The glittering jewels on the branches
Remind me of when we last kissed
You clinging to me
Like the rain clings to the branches
The mist on my face
Feels like the sweet gentle kisses
That you used to give me
When you told me you loved me
My heart aches
When I hear the pitter patter
The times I see the shining puddles
Whenever it rains
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
139,427 Literary Works • 672,561 Reviews
This is sweet, I love it.
I love how you compared love to the rain, and its amazing.
Really great piece
-fRiEs
I like it, but what I really wanted to comment on was your awesome avatar!
Gotta love Jack Sparrow!
This is very nice! My favorite lines are probably
"The glittering jewels on the branches
Remind me of when we last kissed
You clinging to me
Like the rain clings to the branches"
Hello!This was very nice. I love the flow and the repetetive phrases. It had more impact for me that way. The pain and heartache comes across very well in this. I liked how each new stanza was a different part of the weather. Such as the mist. I do feel that you could use different adjectives to describe the different parts though. What does it look like, how does it feel outside? Or even some metaphors or similies. I really enjoyed reading this. Great job!
I like this.The emotions really come across. It makes me feel sad and I think it would have had a greater impact on me, if it was raining right now. But, that's just me. To me, it sounded a little repetitive, unless you meant to write a song. I think you should have used the word whenever only for the last line, because it's the title. Maybe you could have used, every time instead? Also, the word drops was a repeated. Can you use some other adjectives to describe raindrops? Like " The glittering [diamonds] on the branches" or something along those lines. Good work!