Published January 25, 2011
The Past
A word to reflect what has happened
The past to me is that night you held me
That night you told me everything would be okay
The night when the star shimmered and heaven felt close for a split second
The Present
A word to talk about what is happening now
The present to me is my pain, my tears
The days that I feel my heart breaking
The days that I can't help but cry
The Future
A word to tell what is going to happen
The future to me is seeing you again
Seeing you and being able to smile
Seeing you and knowing that you missed out
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Canary word: Present
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141,720 Literary Works • 675,607 Reviews
Heya
I like this - I'm a pretty big fan of pieces that utilize the movement of time and anything along those lines. Change is always something to ponder.
Anyway. rambleramble. I like this. It seems as if you're going for some sort of emotional appeal in parts of this, and at the same time this feels a bit matter-of-fact to me. If you want us to feel what you're feeling, perhaps use better diction that aim more towards tugging at the heart... with your wording, I felt a bit detatched, as the first comment says (though I have different reasons). Though I do agree with her: this could use some punctuation as well.
Other than that, this is a great piece. You share your thoughts/feelings clearly, this was straight and to the point, and very easy to understand. Good write!
Hey there Forestqueen808,
This poem when I read it seemed like a good start. It has a great fundamental subject matter, time, but I felt detatched when I read it because of the lack of punctuation. I think this poem could go pretty far and be really good, just with the small addition of punctuation. Keep writing! It was a good read.