Help Me Remember

This was beautiful, I loved it. You did a great job! I loved the old english, made the poem more unique. I have no nitpicks for you, I loved it too much

This was a fantastic poem and I loved it. It reminded me of this morning in Church. It sounds like a prayer I used to say when I was little (excluding part where I prayed for Blues Clues of course xD). Fantasticly written and I have no nitpicks.

~Shorty

Hello, It's Smylin' here Just going to throw a quick review at you for this poem. I have only a few things to critique. First off, this part here:

And what do I do?
Stand up and forget
All that thou hast done,
The feeling I felt.

So help me, Oh Savior,
To stand up and remember,
The blood and the suffering,
The nails and the tears.

FQ, hi! I'm going to review this for you. xD

First of all, I will just say that I loved this, loved the message, etc, etc. I don't have much to nitpick, other than that in some places the old-English seemed a bit... out of touch in my opinion.

You have to be careful when you use it, as it's very, very easy to get it mixed up or make it sound forced, which it did in some areas here. Don't get me wrong, it did work in some places, there are just a couple of areas that I didn't like it.

For example:

ForestQueen808 wrote:And what do I do?
Stand up and forget
All that thou hast done,
The feeling I felt.

Hey there, FQ. Scarlett here to review you poem. ^^

First off. I love this! Truly adore it. The flow and rythym aren't perfect and personally, I don't think they need to be. The poem is just fine exactly how it is. And imagery. Amazing imagery, FQ. I love it. You're use of old-style English (thy, thou, etc) was a nice, interesting idea. It truly does make the poem stand out a little more. And I like that. ^^

Now, nitpicks... I only found one, FQ and that's here; "The feeling I felt." Feeling? Do you mean feelings? For some reason, feeling doesn't quite work. I suggest adding the 's' onto "feeling". That was the only bit I found somewhat awkward. No more nitpicks now, FQ. But that's a good thing.

Overall, this poem is wonderful. As I said before, I truly adore it. Thank you for such a beautiful and somewhat tragic poem, FQ. I'll be sure to click on like! Remember, keep it up and never stop writing!

~Scar.

have fallen to my knees
My face covered in tears
Hardly able to breathe,
So many times. The intro is beautifully written, so very relate-able

I ask for Thy comfort, I think 'your' would sound a lot better than 'thy'. Same with the line below.
To feel Thy love.
And you are there,
Warming my soul.

And what do I do?
Stand up and forget
All that thou hast done, the old english really does nothing but take attention away form the poem.
The feeling I felt.

So help me, Oh Savior,
To stand up and remember,
The blood and the suffering,
The nails and the tears. good stanza

Help me remember Thee,
Clothed in white
Smiling at me, You were just talking about the cross and now him smiling and hold you in his arms.. it's kind of like whiplash
Holding me in your arms.

Help me remember Thee. liked the ending a lot.

Hi!

I really liked the way you can express emotions in such a short poem without overdoing it. Unfortunately, I think it just didn't flow quite right. When I read it out loud, the timing was just a smidgen uneven at the ends of lines. Also, I think you could have added a second line to the last stanza, because otherwise it doesn't sound right. Otherwise, it struck me as a really great poem and you should keep writing them!

-Lili

Hi FQ. You really did a good job on this poem. You tell your story well and all your grammar, punctuation, and spelling is correct. The wording really captures the viewers attention, like the use of old English and such. Overall, you did a great job and I hope to read more of your stuff in the future. Keep writing!