Published May 28, 2010
Fable glistens on your lips,
strangely troubled, young as fire,
sacrificed unto desire;
it unrests with dealt forbearance,
deathly spirit, happy vengeance,
and forgiveness of the past, -
after all, the truth will last,
forged deep into the night:
spoken for, courageous, right.
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
140,566 Literary Works • 673,442 Reviews
Gorgeous wording! Although, I do agree with this:
A title is what captures the reader and also shows what the writer is trying to convey. But, on the flip side I know I've put a random word as a title for filler since titles can be terribly tricky--if that were the case for this.
Regardless, beautiful work!
Hey there!
First, this poem was good, in terms of imagery. It forms a vivid picture in the reader's mind.
However, the question (and the poem's main problem) is the message you're trying to send to the reader. The title is 'cicada,' but it doesn't seem to be about a cicada. And good imagery does not make a good poem.
However, this has potential. You just need to clarify what you're trying to tell us.
Keep writing!
Hi! I'm here to review, although I'm not that good. But I'll try my best.
So... first, about the title. Cicada? I wonder why you titled it Cicada, because I can't find something related to it on the poem. Maybe, on my humble opinion, the word has a meaning for you. Anyway, I will make no more further questions.
It's a nice poem, although it's very short. I think your very clever on your use of words, adjectives, etc.
Good job! Keep it up!
-darkangel_05
Hi,
I definitely enjoyed reading this. However, I wasn't sure exactly what I was reading? Why did you title it Cicada? What does it have to do with Cicadas? I liked the images you provided, but there was no explanation. I can only assume that this was on purpose and that you meant to be vague. This comes across as an abstract. I don't know what you are aiming for, but if it's not supposed to be abstract, you might add more detail or explanation. Otherwise, nice job!
Sarebear
I really like this line! It creates such vivid imagery into my mind and create an amazing mix of fire and darkness in my head!
Thank you very much for this pleasure
I'm off to read your other works now, you seem really talented! :]