THE
KING
He
felt as though the entire world were pushing down on him in a single
instance; he stared down the gloomily lit hallway, his mind's eye
perfectly mimicking the last moment he'd been there, despite his
greatest efforts to remove the memory from his thoughts. Emotions
were nothing but troublesome to him. He felt his chest growing
tighter, his eyes tracing across the nondescript doorframe, her
shadowy figure appearing to him, slumped over with her hands pressed
against her face. He could feel the way she trembled in his clammy
fingers; hear the broken sobs that wracked her frame.
But
he tried to push that all from his mind. He was here because
he had to
be here. Maybe if he thought of it like a mission, it would make this
less troublesome ... But no.
In his mind—in his gut, his heart, his soul—he knew that
this was something completely removed from the likes of a mission. It
was a promise, guided by fate like the tide follows the moon. He
was meant to
be here.
The
boy breathed out a deep sigh, stuffing his fists ever deeper into his
pockets. His entire countenance looked calm—bored, even—but
beneath the heavy-lidded eyes and casual meander were nerves that
quivered with every shuffle-step he took closer to the door.
He
lifted his hand to knock; behind the door he could hear faint
chatter—a woman's voice. His hand frozen just above the door,
his ears tried to distinguish exactly what they were saying. The
thought of running away occurred to him many times in that single
moment. But he knew what a moment could do. He knew all too well that
a single moment could change your entire world.
His
hand finally fell; a single knock resonated
through the air around him. The voice behind the door stumbled. He
thought it might be polite to knock again, but before he had the
chance, the door was wrenched out from beneath his raised fist. A
shadowy figure appeared through a crack in the door; her dark hair
fell across her eyes. Even from the shadows the boy could see that
they were a luminous red. She was completely unchanged from the last
time he'd seen her.
"Shikamaru
..."
Though
her voice was steady, the boy watched as diamonds began to congeal
along her red-rimmed lids. They glimmered in the dank light of the
hallway. The vision reared upon in his mind again; he was watching
her crumple down to the ground, her hands pressed against her face.
But she blinked back the tears, taking a deep breath.
"Sorry
to bug you so late, Kurenai-sensei," the boy, Shikamaru,
mumbled. He reached an arm around and scratched at the back of his
head. He hoped that Kurenai-sensei wouldn't break down and cry: he
wasn't sure how much more he could handle.
"N-no,
it's okay," she said softly. "I didn't know that you were
back. I mean—" she broke off. He understood what she was
trying to say: I
didn't know you were still alive.
"Yes,
sensei."
A
long moment passed, interrupted only by the sound of a playful coo
that came from behind Kurenai. Shikamaru awkwardly cleared his
throat. "I thought maybe I could ... come and see ..." he
trailed off. He didn't even know the child's gender, let alone its
name.
"Oh,
yes!" Kurenai said. She forced a smile and a giggle, throwing
open the door. Within, the boy perceived an immaculate house. The
only exception to this observation was a large rug in the living room
where toys and rattles had been scattered.
The
brunette stepped aside, letting Shikamaru duck beneath the doorway.
He stood there rigidly, hands stuffed deep into his pockets; his
heavy-lidded eyes grazed across the apartment, finally drawn by the
playful babble of a child back to the carpet in the living room.
In
the backdrop of blazing sunset, she'd been painted in a silhouette.
Her fingers were not busied with a toy, but instead she gently
stroked the petals of a single poppy that Kurenai had growing.
Kurenai scurried over to her, picking her up as she murmured
light-heartedly, "What are you doing over here?"
Shikamaru
scratched at the back of his head again. He had never been great with
kids—he always preferred them when they were a little older, a
little more capable. Kurenai-sensei had the child propped up on her
hip as she walked over to Shikamaru carefully, gazing dotingly into
the child's face. He was struck again—rendered motionless by
his own emotions. From his perspective, he was staring into the
future: a future personified in chubby, ruddy cheeks; bright brown
orbs, and unruly, curling chestnut hair.
He
swallowed hard as the little one turned their eyes towards him.
Something about them seemed to gaze straight into the depth of him;
they were "old eyes", he thought—eyes that had
already lived through an entire lifetime.
Shikamaru
didn't know what to do. Finally, inspired by some instinct within
him, he reached a tentative finger towards the baby. After a couple
of seconds of hesitation, the child reached out and grabbed
Shikamaru's long finger with her own tiny ones. She turned around and
smiled at Kurenai, who was giving Shikamaru the same solemn smile
she'd greeted him with. "I guess she likes you."
"I
hope so," Shikamaru said to Kurenai; then looking at the baby
girl he said: "'cause your father wants to make sure I train you
myself."
Kurenai
grinned at the girl. Shikamaru slipped his hand gently out of the
girl's grasp, stuffing his hands back in his pockets. This whole
meeting might have been easier if he'd brought Ino and Chouji
along—but he also felt responsible, in some way, to meet this
child on his own. She was the king, after all. Her care had been
personally entrusted in him by Asuma-sensei. He had been thinking
about this meeting ever since they'd started on their journey home.
"So
... what did you name her?" Shikamaru asked.
"Ayame,"
Kurenai replied. She bestowed a glance in Shikamaru's direction
momentarily, her crimson eyes flashing brilliantly, before their
attention was stolen again by the little one. The baby wiggled her
legs in Kurenai's arms.
"Ayame,
huh ..." Shikamaru said, watching absentmindedly as Kurenai went
and put the baby back in her play area. "It suits her."
Shikamaru's eyes shot to the single poppy that was blooming in the
boxes by the window. Their petals were as dark as Kurenai-sensei's
eyes.
Kurenai
offered Shikamaru a seat at the cramped table in the kitchen. He
didn't particularly want to accept—but something in Kurenai's
pressing gaze made him stay. She probably hadn't heard much from her
own team. Any information Shikamaru could give her would probably
alleviate at least some of
her worries. Though, of course, he vowed to keep the events of the
war to a minimum ... Especially considering
what had happened with Asuma ...
After
asking if he'd like something to eat or drink, Kurenai sat down at
the table with a cup of steaming tea. Shikamaru busied himself with
twiddling his fingers.
"I'm
sorry to hear about your father," Kurenai said after a long
pause. Those words were like a knife to Shikamaru's throat. He sucked
in a deep breath and held it, recovering as fast as he possibly
could.
"Ah
... you heard about that."
"Unfortunately,
I haven't heard very much. I wanted to ask how my old team was
doing."
"Oh,
them ...?" Shikamaru scratched at the back of his head again.
"Well, they all made it back safe."
Kurenai
released an audible sigh. "I'm so glad to hear that. We lost so
many fine men and women ... I was afraid that maybe ..."
"They're
all strong shinobi now, sensei."
A
fleeting smile touched her lips, before it was quickly tainted by
sorrow. "War ... really changes people."
"Yeah
..." Shikamaru didn't know where she was headed with this
subject, but he wished she'd stop. It took everything to just
maintain his composure sometimes. He felt like his facade was
cracking each time Kurenai turned her sad eyes upon him.
"I
wish I could've been there, Shikamaru. I regret it every day."
Shikamaru
swallowed. He didn't know what to say to her. Comforting women had
always been troublesome ... He never really understood what was the
right thing to say. If only Ino had been here, then she would've
known what to say ... "The duty you have right now, sensei,"
Shikamaru began, measuring his words carefully. He didn't know where
they'd come from, or what he was trying to say, but he let his
thoughts meander on. "That duty is just as important as what we
were doing."
Kurenai
didn't seem to accept his answer. Her brow was still clouded over,
even as she turned away and forced a curt laugh. "I guess
Asuma-sensei rubbed off on you ... You always were his
favourite student."
"Ah,
so you've told me."
Kurenai
was about to reply when an abrupt whimper cut her off. She whirled
around and looked at Ayame, who was crawling over to her mother. The
sun was almost all but set now.
"Looks
like somebody's tired."
The
brunette woman picked the child up and cradled her in her arms. "I'll
just go and put her to bed and then we can—"
"Well,
I was actually just going to head out myself, sensei." Shikamaru
stood.
"Oh
...," she hesitated. "Alright then, I'm sure I'll see you
again soon." She started down the hallway, calling over her
shoulder, "And, knowing Asuma, he's probably made you promise to
be here with her every day from dusk until dawn!"
Shikamaru
gave a short laugh, calling out a "thanks" before quickly
letting himself out. He let the door click shut carefully behind him,
before letting his eyes slowly close. He didn't know what to think of
that moment—in fact, this lazy genius didn't even know how
to process what
he had felt in that moment. He could hardly remember a word spoken
with Kurenai. All he could think of was the tiny little finger
wrapped around his; the bright brown eyes staring up into his.
He
brushed a hand over his face, trying so hard not to think the thought
that kept rearing up in his head: this girl was just like him. This
girl had lost her father—this girl hadn't even known the
man he was. Unlike him, she'd never get to know him. He couldn't
decide if that option was better or worse: to know someone for a
short time, or to never know them at all. To only hear the good
things about them—to not have good memories tainted by bad
ones—tainted by regrets.
What
a drag ... He
thought to himself, taking another moment to compose himself. With
increasing urgency, he rushed ever quicker towards the front door of
the building, hoping to escape the emotions that sought to crush him
beneath them completely.
He
stumbled out into darkness. The stars dappled the sky brilliantly—a
sight that he'd been unable to admire for so long. He sucked in a
breath of cold air, rubbing a hand through his hair. Shikamaru leaned
outside the house, the light from Kurenai's apartment window casting
a rectangular gleam on the packed earth. He reached into his pocket
and pulled out a crumpled package of cigarettes. He'd always thought
it was foolish of Asuma-sensei to have smoked these in the first
place; but since coming home, he'd gotten into a habit of it
himself—feeling, if some way, that there was a connection
between him and his lost sensei as the smoke drifted up slowly
towards the sky.
He
slid the papery cigarette between his lips, striking a match and
lighting the end. The paper curled and hissed as smoke began to spit
from its end. Shikamaru took a deep breath, releasing his exhalation
slowly. Oddly enough, it calmed his nerves.
"Well,
Asuma-sensei," he muttered after a couple more breaths, "I've
met the king today."
He
felt his chest swell—but with what? Pride? Remorse? Sorrow? He
was quick to take another deep breath of the bitter smoke, closing
his eyes slowly as he did this. Behind his lids he tried to procure
Asuma-sensei's countenance. The recreation was hazy at best—sometimes
it was the glint of his head-band he saw clearly; others it was his
easy-going smile. But each time he struggled to realize his sensei's
face, Ayame's face reared up in his thoughts. She looked just like
her father—the same wise eyes and everything.
"She
looks just like you, Asuma-sensei."
Shikamaru
could feel tears choke off his words. No matter how many times he
tried to bite them back, they still came rolling quietly down his
cheeks. He leaned his head forward, letting the tears spatter on the
ground. He clenched his fist and teeth, squinting his eyes closed in
frustration. "I promise I'll teach her everything you taught me,
Asuma-sensei!" This was a resolve he made not just because of
his promise to Asuma—but it was his duty to his own father.
At
that moment, the light in Kurenai-sensei's apartment flicked off.
Save for the flickering lantern that hung on the corner of another
slumped-over building, Shikamaru was plunged in complete darkness. He
took these moments in darkness to collect himself. He steadied his
breath and dried off his tears with the heel of his hand. He took a
few more deep breaths of the cigarette. When he'd regained control of
himself again, he pushed away from the wall and started walking back
towards his house.
He
threw the smouldering cigarette onto the ground, plunging his hands
in his pockets as he walked past it. A knowing smile crept back onto
his lips. He thought of the giggling baby with her ruddy cheeks and
unruly hair and warm brown eyes. His face broke into a grin.
"I'm
glad you're back, Asuma-sensei."
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