Young Writers Society

Thanks for reviewing!

I agree that 'Death' isn't everything, but still, I figured that he'd think he was. I believe in the Lord, so technically he is everything.

Anyways, thanks for the reviews everyone! Honest reviews, just what I like!

It had a nice lesson at the end of the story, I just didn't like the way death talks. Death isn't everything, and it may be everywhere, doesn't mean it IS everything. If I had to give this story a thumbs up or thumbs down, I'd have to choose thumbs down.

LaReina wrote:Setting
An old graveyard with dense fog hanging low near the ground. There are wrought iron gates with a crow sitting atop. There is only one gravestone with no name, because vines had long before taken over.

Start~ (Not necessary)

WOMAN
W-where am I? [Stares around herself, confused.]

DEATH
Where do you think you are?

WOMAN
[She searches for the source of the voice, only to find an old crow.]

DEATH
Don’t look so sad. There’s no reason to be feeling sorry for yourself. After all, it was you yourself that got you into this mess. (Awkward phrasing: After all, you were the one who got yourself into this mess)

WOMAN
How can I feel sorry for myself? I don’t even know where I am! [Falls back onto a grave stone and heaves out a heavy sigh.] (She's 'given up' already? I find it strange that she reacts that way and is so comfortable with falling back on a gravestone and sighs heavily. It'd be more likely that she's apprehensive and wary of her surroundings. A Graveyard isn't exactly anyone's cup of tea.)

DEATH
Don’t pretend like you don’t know. Of course you do! This is the beginning of your end.

WOMAN
The beginning of my end?

DEATH
Why yes. Without endings, we cannot have beginnings. (Comma after why.)

[The crow lets out a caw and settles itself on the WOMAN’s shoulder.]

WOMAN
You’re DEATH, aren’t you? (Don't capitalise his entire name when she's speaking it. The first letter will suffice. Or if you want her to emphasis on his name, italicise it.)

DEATH
That is one name they call me, yes.

WOMAN
So I’ve died? (Add physical actions to convey how the woman is feeling as well. Or add verbs/adjectives)

DEATH
You make it sound so ironic. It is not. We all have to die at some point in time.

WOMAN
But mine was so soon! [almost sounds pleading.] (Almost sounded like a plea)

DEATH
You’re the one who made it that way.

WOMAN
What do you mean?

DEATH
Well, do you feel like you accomplished anything in life?

WOMAN
What does that have to do with my death?

DEATH
So you were hoping for your ‘Happily Ever After’ am I right? (Comma after 'so' and after 'After')

WOMAN
Why, yes.

DEATH
It was those false hopes you had as a child that got you here. You’re nothing more than a dancer. You expected life to go the way you wanted it to. But look at where you ended up.

WOMAN
How come you know so much about me? (How did you come to know so much about me?)

DEATH
I am DEATH, of course. I am everything. The wind in the willows, the starved cat in the alleyway, the stars in the sky. Because, you see, everything has an end. And if everything has an end, then I am everything.

WOMAN
But why am I here? I did nothing to deserve this! [Tears begin to roll down her face as she realizes everything DEATH is saying is true.]

DEATH
Oh, but you did, my dear friend. By dancing your way through life, you caused pain to others who had to work hard for the things you got so easily. So why should you not feel pain after the euphoria?

WOMAN
But what will I do for an eternity of time if I’m living in a pointless and desolate place such as this? (What will I do for all eternity)

DEATH
What do you think, foolish being? You will serve me, as you were meant and born to do. I will not let you dance your way through the afterlife after you put so many through pain while you soared across the grounds of mortality.

WOMAN
But that cannot be right! There has to be some way that I can redeem myself and live a ‘Happily Ever After’!

DEATH
You should’ve thought about that before you decided to live your life the way you did.

[DEATH soars into the sky, leaving the lady behind.]

It was good, I like how there was a story line, even with as short as it was. I think you did alot of your formating right, I act and it looked like an actual profesionall script. I thought that the Women character was kind of in denial, and I think that that was very fitting of the character. And the way Death was, was just amazing. All of the dialogue was amazing.

Hiii. :] Just a few nitpicks here for the sake of extremely unreasonable perfectionism:

Why yes. Without endings, we cannot have beginnings.

I am DEATH, of course.

You’re DEATH, aren’t you?

Thanks for reviewing!

There really was no point to it, actually. I just wanted to write something with Death. The description of Death in Cornelia Funke's Inkdeath was amazing. I really liked it.

Thanks!

LaReina!

It will be my future reference if I ever decide to post again.

After all, it was you yourself that got you into this mess.

WOMAN
How can I feel sorry for myself? I don’t even know where I am! [Falls back onto a grave stone and heaves out a heavy sigh.]

The wind in the willows, the starved cat in the alleyway, the stars in the sky.