Published October 28, 2008
I'm all yours till' the west winds fall,
On a grace that was never yours at all.
The chimes are ringing,
The chords the same;
I was counting on you
As you tilted the rain.
Has all this gray and blue distracted you
From raising me up to the sky?
I let go of the railing as everyone clings.
Praying and grinning as it chimes, open wide
My eyes flood.
The fate of all man kind, it seems,
Is in the space where heaven still exceeds.
You, when you are at your best
Are just a man who failed the test.
Out of the sky, the raindrops bleed from
You, when you are at your best,
Tailed by the sun as it sets.
Will all this learned be taken away
As the gray and blue return?
With my naked eye, I can't see you run,
Shining, rising, and open to the sun.
Staring straight, my eyes flood.
Though the west winds fall and your filled with grace,
I know heaven won't see my face.
Shaken, battered, and it's begun,
Broken, took, and swung out of the sun.
So the west winds take off and you fly again.
I'll be counting on you, and where you've been.
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141,628 Literary Works • 675,278 Reviews
Hey, thanks guys! Sorry, normally I get emails when there are replies and this time for some reason they didn't, so sorry! I really don't mean to be blowing you guys off. I very much appreciate the feedback, and am eager to look at your stuffs.
Yeah, It was suppost to just be the first, third and end stanza, but I thought it needed more, but now I think I might just get rid of the extra two.
Thanks again!
~Chris
this was a good poem with taste and actual metaphor that i had to read over a few times to understand; i enjoy poetry like that, poetry that makes me think about whether the writer is really saying what i think s/he's saying. the second stanza was rough, though - too many syllables ruined the flow and it seemed more of a bare description than a poetic verse, but apart from that, i felt that your poem was worn well and had a certain, perhaps pastoral, charm to it that the most erudite of professors and the most ignorant of country bumpkins could read and derive something from. congratulations.
Well, those malicious people (I am NOT talking about anyone in particular) go... and... well, lets not go there. It was a great poem, a bit long for my taste, but it aint my poem (yes, I know, improper gramar, deal with it)
I like people dont follow the vibe, the crowd. rebels.
Anyway, there seems to be a specific person to whom you refer, yes?
Ah, love is sweet, but fickle.
and it changes with time,
and if it doesnt,
you are eaither truly in love,
or just obsessed.
This poems has many references to nature, and to well... yeah.
great poem. keep it real,
Viva La Revolucion!
This poem is very creative in its word usage with your multiple references to how the wind moves and whatnot. You had a good opening but in the third and fourth stanzas it seems like you're rambling. I don't want to be an a-hole about it (because it has happened to me before) but I think you used the wrong "your" in the first line in the last stanza. Some of the people on this site can be real malicious about that kind of stuff. Just watch out for that and keep up the good work