Hi there, Flower child (I love your avvie, by the way).
I feel like this is rather prose-y. I understand that for whatever reason, you weren't able to break it up into lines, but even disregarding that fact, it reads like prose. If you took away the weird capitalization, it would be prose. Try experimenting with fragments of images more.
The best part for me was
the beads/ Of dirty water/ Pouring /Off his face
It's a really strong image. This is a good start. Infuse the rest of your piece with strong images like this.
I think you have the guy talk too much. With all the talking, it makes him seem like a very static character, and I'm sure you didn't want to portray him like that.
The ending just strikes me as wrong. This character wouldn't say that, I feel. I think that the last two things he says only exist to reveal what's going on. If you use more images earlier in the poem, you won't be forced into this unsavory last minute reveal.
I'm not saying you should say what's happening exactly, but you should suggest things with the verbs and adjectives that you use.
Work on making your character more three dimensional, and revealing the situation earlier. I hope that this review was helpful. Happy poeting!
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