Love

I liked the way you used alot of symbolism in this peice.
It was very well written and had my attention.
It was clever the way you used all these little annotations and examples.
They were all random and different things, but in the end they all lead to the biggere picture.
Very clever. Good job.

This is very cleverly written! From the perspective of love...... interesting. I especially like how you compare it to such strong and meaningful things; and ocean, a kiss, and said that it was greater than any of that! How more true can one be?

So, I like this. I think that it could use some work, but it really has some great potential. I'm going to do something I rarely do, and work within the work itself. Sorry in advance if this review sucks

Flikkah wrote:Look for me.
Search everywhere.
I'm more then an exchange of pretty words,
I'm deeper then a kiss and more meaningful then a holding of hands.
So, I really like these four lines. They're fresh, they're pretty, they definitely carry some impact.

I'm louder then the roar of a lust filled ocean, more colourful then a sea of orchids.
You began to lose my interest on this line; the sea of orchids doesn't really work for me- also, love is generally represented by one color, red. I'm not saying that it needs to be red, but maybe give an example or two as to how it's colorful and where and why.




In these three lines, you get a little cliched. I would try stating this in a different way, broaden your word choice, maybe use metaphors to show how it can really be a monster or an angel. The first line especially seems too simply stated in contrast to the rest of the piece.
In some places I am nowhere and in others, I am everywhere.
I am exhausting and wonderful, exciting and scary.
I am more joy and more pain then any other experience.



I really like this conclusion, but the structure of the sentence is quite plain, and so comes across as kind of anticlimactic. Nice emotion to leave off on though.
When you find me, grab me, because I am rare.

Hey and welcome to YWS!

The problem here is that it has been done a billion times before. It is a short single stanza with the same drained imagery. I would post something else, a little more out there and less generic.

Sorry for not being nice, but I think honesty will be far more useful.

PM me for anything.

~Retro Disco666