Hi

Hey flaminglover! Dogs here for your review today. First i would like to point out that i really enjoy your avatar! lols, anyways, this poem is very good. It is original, short, and too the point. I really like this piece because of how original it is. However, i do have a couple nitpicks:

Firstly, when you say:

"Hi is a way to say
that I'll eventually say goodbye"

There is a lot of good things and bad things about this line, firstly this is basically the line you base your entire poem on, it is both good and bad to base your poem on a single line. Good if you can't pull it off successfully, bad if the line has a few issues. This line has some minor problems and because it is the line you base your poem off of it is really important to fix these things. Firstly i don't really like the second line of this part. You overuse "say" and this line is too many syllables which throws off the rhythm.

Also when you say:

"hi is you"

I don't like this too much. It dosn't make sense to the reader and it leaves me confused. You could say instead "hello to you" which would feed into the next line well.

The difficulty of this type of poem is getting your point across effectively and still keep it very short while at the same time making it sound good. These poems, in my opinion, are the hardest to do. Anyways, this poem has a lot of potential in it so keep up the good work!


TuckEr EllsworTh

Remember to capitalize the beginnings of sentences.

whats hi