Hello, Jessiebear! writerkitty here to review your amazing story!!!
I'm sorry for taking so long to write this review, I promise you that I won't take so long to review your next chapters!
Wow! Your story is getting more and more interesting by each chapter! I mean the first chapter started off with the three dragons who were going to retire from their jobs and now it's all about the dragons, their tribes the new guardians and about a whole bunch of new dragons and new areas. I was really excited to discover more about the dragon world and the dragons. And in this chapter, without any doubt, I can say that you did a good job in introducing new characters and new places to the reader!
I'm really glad to see that your characters have improved a lot! And I love all the new and old characters. I'm judging that Scarlet and Diamond are going to get along pretty well in the later chapters. I mean they do seem to have same qualities. And the other new dragons seems like pretty fun and unique dragons with different capabilities and personalities. I like that, seeing characters who are different from each other, I mean unique in a way, makes the story much more interesting and it also allows the reader to connect with the characters.
I mean if all the dragons had same qualities and personalities, the reader would be like,
yeah yeah, whatever. All the dragons are alike, what do I care?
But when you mold your characters into unique ones like actually living breathing creatures, the readers will surely love your characters and try to be with them until the end of the story. And I think you've done a pretty good job with creating and describing characters in this chapter.
This is chapter is really good. I got the chance to get a proper idea about princess scarlet's castle and the surrounding. And I also met the king and queen. Oh, and Memory seems like a clumsy little dragon!
The only thing I found a little strange was Scarlet's departure. I mean The old guardians asked the king and queen whether she could join them, and right then, the two of them said okay and even Scarlet agreed without hesitating. There's really nothing wrong about it, but I felt as if that part was a bit rushed. Trying adding a little bit more emotion and feelings to that scene. Like, try explaining how the queen felt when the three guardians made the suggestion. You've already added a little emotion, but try expanding it a little bit more. This is just a suggestion, you're free to ignore this point if you like!:D
Apart from those points, I think this is a pretty awesome chapter with really amazing descriptions. You describe places and people...uh, dragons pretty well. Good job there! ^^
I did find a few small spelling errors which can be fixed easily if you just go though the chapter again. I'll show out a few small errors,
The thrones were a light red with jems all over them. Sitting in the thrones where the King and Queen and the Princes.
'jems' should be written as 'gems' and I think it should be 'princess' not 'princes'
“Hmm and are you sure you now that these dragons want to be gardens?” Asked Smoke.
It should be 'guardians' not 'gardens'
See, these are really small errors and I think you can easily catch them if you read your story once again. ^_^ Anyway, if you need any help with that, just let me know!
I'm really looking forward to read the next chapter,
never stop writing and have an amazing day!!!
Your friend,
writerkitty.
Points: 4549
Reviews: 151
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