z

Young Writers Society


E - Everyone

Search For The Diamond Of The Deep Book 1 Chapter 4

by FlamingPhoenix


When they arrived the  palace there were two guards posted outside the steel gates. Both of them were wearing shiny, metal armour that covered their whole body.

One of the guards looked down at the three dragons and asked “Who are you three?”

Diamond did a low growl then answered his question “We are the guardians that protect the valley.”

“And you are here to see the royal family?” Asked the second guard.

“Yes, we are.” replied all three dragons at the same time.

“Why do you need to see the king and queen?” Asked the first guard looking down at them waiting for their answer.

“We have some very important news.” Said Scorch

“And what would the very important news be?” Asked the first guard.

Smoke stepped forward sand said “We are going to retire from our job and we want to know if the princes will like to be a guardian.”

“Hmm….. okay you are allowed to go in.” Smiled the second guard. “But the two guards by the door will take you to the king and queen.

Both of the grades opened the shiny steel gates, and allowed Smoke, Scorch and Diamond to pass and enter the queen's front garden. There were roses and lilies all around them. Wonderful smells came out of the flowers. As they walked up the brown path way they ended up standing right in front of a big silver door.



Smoke slowly walked up to it and tapped his shiny talons against the door. The door slowly opened and another two grades were posted by the door. Now the three of them stepped into the palace, and out rushed a small dragon.



“Oh hello my name is Memory and I'll take you to the throne room were queen Horizon and king Rip are waiting for you. Oh and you too guards come with us, and what are you three dragons here for?” Squeaked Memory.

“We have some very important news for the royal family.” Smoke said to him.

“Oh okay come on then.” Memory squeaked again then running ahead of them with his big green and black wings wide open and nearly tripping him up.

“We better follow him quickly,” said Smoke with a giggle.

When Scorch, Smoke and Diamond started walking after Memory the two grades that were posted be the door followed them.

As they walked they looked at everything they could see. The place walls were as smooth as the top of a pearl. Smoke looked up and saw that light came through big, shiny windows in the roof. The three dragons followed Memory and stopped at the throne room. The whole room looked like it had been made of diamonds. Opposite the door were three thrones. The biggest throne was in the middle and it had another big one on its right and a small on its left. The thrones were a light red with jems all over them. Sitting in the thrones where the King and Queen and the Princes.

The two guards that were with them did a bow to the royal family then stepped outside and stood by the door. Memory went forward and did a big bow to them. Then Smoke, Scorch and Diamond walked in and bowed low, and finely Memory said, “These are the three dragons that protect the valley and they want to talk to you about something very important.”

Finely someone who knows who we are. Thought Diamond

“Okay Memory, you may wait by the door,” the Queen said with a friendly smile then turned to the three gardens. “Well what do you need?”



“Um... well we are retiring from guarding the valley and we wanted to know whether Princes Scarlet would like to be a guardian?” asked Smoke. “Oh and she'd be joined up with another five dragons and they'll be from different tribes.”



“Well that sounds marvellous!” shouted Queen Horizon shaking her black and yellow scaled body all over and looked at Scarlet and asked, “Do you want to join them?”



Scarlet looked at her mother and nodded, her black and orange scaled head at her with excitement in her big black eyes.



“Great! Memory!” called the Queen and in came the small green and black dragon, and as he ran very fast, but he did look funny at the same time!



“Scarlet is leaving the castle to be one of the new protectors of the valley! So will you show her to the door?” said the queen in a delighted tone of voices.



“Of course your majesty!” answered Memory with a squeak as normal.



“Oh and Scarlet I and your father are very proud of you and I might come and visit you sometime if I have time,” sighed her mother in an upset kind of way. “Anyway you must get going. Oh and good luck with your training!”



“Thank you mother and father, I will come and see you too,” replied Scarlet with a smile.



So Memory, Scarlet, Smoke, Scorch and Diamond walked to the front door. Scarlet said goodbye to Memory and walked out the door into the real world.



“Wow, I've never been outside the castle before! It is so pretty out here! It feels strange to not be behind the walls,” gasped Scarlet with wonder in her eyes.



“That's your first lesson, Scarlet. It may be pretty, but it is also has many dangers," warned Diamond in her you'd-better-listen tone.



They were very quiet all the way to the cave. When that landed on the rough, stone flour Scarlet said “I heard you guys say you need five more dragons to complete your group. Well if it is okay with you guys, I would really like to choose the five other dragons,” said Scarlet proudly.

“Well, I don’t see why not,” Smoke exclaimed, looking at the others.

Scorch and Diamond looked at him and then too Scarlet.

“Well can you give us a reason why you get to pick your team members Scarlet?” Stated Diamond looking even more series.

“Well I am going to be stuck with them my hull life so that is reason one. Oh and I already know them and protecting the valley is all we talk about and that is reason two” replied Scarlet “And is that enough for you?”

“Yes that is enough. Hmm but can we know what their names are? Asked Smoke.

“Great because. Okay their names are Sakura, Scorpion, Shadow, Helga and Marsh so what do you think?” Asked Scarlet.

“Well they sound okay but do you think you can tell us if they are royalty and what tribe they are from?” Answered Scorch.

“Okay!” Agreed Scarlet. “Well Sakura is a sea wing princess she likes to fight a lot so she will be great at fitting battles, and Scorpion is a sand wing he is the son of one of the sand wing guards he is all so very strong. Shadow is a very smart night wing I thought we could have some brains in our group. Oh and Helga is a laver wing princess I am just pouting her in my team becomes I like her, and Marsh is a swamp wing he can be more muscle, ooh and he can be a little silly sometimes okay a lot.”

“Hmm and are you sure you now that these dragons want to be gardens?” Asked Smoke.

Scarlet nodded her scaly head with happens that is all we talk about I just said that a minute ago.” She said with pride.

“Okay I will go to the seas in the morning and see if princes Sakura will like to join you.” Said Diamond.

“Now let’s all get too sleep it has been a long day.” Scorch said sleepily. So all four dragons huddled to gather in one of the corners in the cave and fell fast asleep in a matter of minutes.


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151 Reviews


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Tue May 31, 2016 6:03 pm
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writerkitty wrote a review...



Hello, Jessiebear! writerkitty here to review your amazing story!!! :D

I'm sorry for taking so long to write this review, I promise you that I won't take so long to review your next chapters! :D

Wow! Your story is getting more and more interesting by each chapter! I mean the first chapter started off with the three dragons who were going to retire from their jobs and now it's all about the dragons, their tribes the new guardians and about a whole bunch of new dragons and new areas. I was really excited to discover more about the dragon world and the dragons. And in this chapter, without any doubt, I can say that you did a good job in introducing new characters and new places to the reader! :D

Spoiler! :
YAY! I got to meet the first dragonet who's going to be the new guardian!


I'm really glad to see that your characters have improved a lot! And I love all the new and old characters. I'm judging that Scarlet and Diamond are going to get along pretty well in the later chapters. I mean they do seem to have same qualities. And the other new dragons seems like pretty fun and unique dragons with different capabilities and personalities. I like that, seeing characters who are different from each other, I mean unique in a way, makes the story much more interesting and it also allows the reader to connect with the characters.

I mean if all the dragons had same qualities and personalities, the reader would be like,
yeah yeah, whatever. All the dragons are alike, what do I care?
But when you mold your characters into unique ones like actually living breathing creatures, the readers will surely love your characters and try to be with them until the end of the story. :D And I think you've done a pretty good job with creating and describing characters in this chapter. :D

This is chapter is really good. I got the chance to get a proper idea about princess scarlet's castle and the surrounding. And I also met the king and queen. Oh, and Memory seems like a clumsy little dragon! :D

The only thing I found a little strange was Scarlet's departure. I mean The old guardians asked the king and queen whether she could join them, and right then, the two of them said okay and even Scarlet agreed without hesitating. There's really nothing wrong about it, but I felt as if that part was a bit rushed. Trying adding a little bit more emotion and feelings to that scene. Like, try explaining how the queen felt when the three guardians made the suggestion. You've already added a little emotion, but try expanding it a little bit more. This is just a suggestion, you're free to ignore this point if you like!:D


Apart from those points, I think this is a pretty awesome chapter with really amazing descriptions. You describe places and people...uh, dragons pretty well. Good job there! ^^

I did find a few small spelling errors which can be fixed easily if you just go though the chapter again. I'll show out a few small errors,

The thrones were a light red with jems all over them. Sitting in the thrones where the King and Queen and the Princes.

'jems' should be written as 'gems' and I think it should be 'princess' not 'princes'

“Hmm and are you sure you now that these dragons want to be gardens?” Asked Smoke.

It should be 'guardians' not 'gardens'

See, these are really small errors and I think you can easily catch them if you read your story once again. ^_^ Anyway, if you need any help with that, just let me know! :D



I'm really looking forward to read the next chapter,
never stop writing and have an amazing day!!!
Your friend,
writerkitty.






Chapter five has been posted all ready, and just to let you no I am going back on chapters and fixing them. Chapter 1 and 2 are all most done. :D and thank you for the review.



writerkitty says...


You're very welcome! And I'll check out the other chapters soon! :D



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Sun May 29, 2016 6:19 pm
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AnarchyWolf wrote a review...



Hey :) AnarchyWolf here to review on this lovely review day.

Soo, let's begin. I love dragons as the main race. It's something I don't see much - dragons are usually the antagonists or the pets or sidekicks. You've also made them fairly 'human' here, but you've done it without taking away from their 'dragonness'. They're relatable, but definitely dragon.

You're also fairly strong in the descriptive areas of your story.

Spoiler! :
as smooth as the top of a pearl.


Spoiler! :
shiny talons against the door.


This helps the reader to get a picture of the settings that the characters live in, as well as the characters themselves. The plot seems to be coming together quite well here. I've only skimmed through the other chapters, but you seem to have got the pacing more or less right. The pacing within the chapter is also well-done.

Now onto what you could improve: I feel like you characters could have more description. I want to get to know each and every one of them and you can do this by giving them unique voices in dialogue and slipping little bits of the personality into their interactions. Let the reader see inside their heads and bond with them - perhaps by picking a 'main' main character to look at the world through.

This work could do with a major spelling and grammar check. You make small mistakes like spelling floor as flour and guards as grades. While these mistakes aren't large or plot-changing, they do take away from the story by making the reader figure out what you mean, and they do add up.

Once you've done this, it'll be a really good story. While this is a piece of fanfiction, I can follow it just find without having read the source material, so well done. Can't wait to read more.

-AnarchyWolf




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Fri May 13, 2016 4:33 am
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MicrohieraxFT says...



I don't read uch fanfiction but I really like this story. I might go on to read the previous chapters later. By the way, for what fandom is this? :)






Oh the story witch I am a fan of is called Wings Of Fire and it is by TUI T. SUTHERLAND it is a really good surreys you should have a look at it. The first book is called Wings Of Fire The dragonet prophecy. Oh and that you for saying you will have a look at my other chapters.




akdsjfh you know that feeling where you start writing a scene but then you get bored with the scene so you move on and start writing a different scene and then you get bored with that scene so you move on to an entirely different WIP and then you get bored with that so you move on-
— AceassinOfTheMoon