The night was cold and wet as the wind howled outside the black cave. Diamond the sea wing could be seen looking out into the violent storm. Her scales flashed deep blue each time a blade of lightning crossed the night sky. Next to her lay Scorch the lava wing, his whole body gleaming red as rubies in the darkness. He gazed up at Diamond with his sparkling crimson eyes and smiled at her. Smoke walked out of the shadows towards them, his white claws clacking on the hard cave floor. All three dragons gazed out at the storm with looks of concern. How were they going to find the young dragonets that they needed to take their place toguard Safire Valley and the most important things in the valley?
“This is pointless! We'll never find strong and wise enough dragons to take our places,” Diamond growled, getting up and walking up and down the cave.
“Yes we will!” said Smoke, sitting up with an odd expression on his face.
“Oh stop being so positive you little runt. How are you so sure?” snapped Diamond, stomping towards him.
“Will you stop being so rude!” shouted Smoke at the top of his lungs, standing up quickly and looking at Diamond then running to hide behind Scorch.
“I’m going to bite you right now!” yelled Diamond with her wings spread out and ready to pounce on Smoke.
“Stop it both of you!” yelled Scorch, standing up and stepping on Diamond’s tail before she could pouts on Smoke. “We will find worthy dragons and we will teach them,” said Scorch in his stern voice.
“Okay how then?” Diamond said, sitting up with a big smile on her snout.
“Well, we will just have to see what species of dragons are the smartest and strongest,” replied Smoke.
“Um…. like that is going to happen,” Diamond said, turning her head at Smoke and giving him a big fat toothy, white grin.
“We will go have a good look tomorrow when the storm has calmed down,” Scorch advised, lying down again looking out at the rain.
Scorch sighed, his wings down and a very unhappy look on his red scaly face. He didn't know what was wrong with those two. Why couldn't they stop fighting and whining for just one minute? And what if the new guardians they picked weren't strong and wise enough to protect the most important things in the valley. Scorch shivered at the thought. He'd go and ask Blade the razer wing tomorrow and see what he thought about the matter.
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125,009 Literary Works • 672,837 Reviews
Hey there. Wow, how I could not have seen this before? It's awesome and I really like everything about it.
To be honest, I'm a terrible shipper. With anything (movies, stories, in real life etc.) if I get any inkling about a possible match, I immediately jump on it. So, perhaps this is just my overactive imagination (and maybe highly improbable considering that these dragons are years old now) but I'm sensing something between Diamond and Smoke. The main reason what the sentence when Smoke first spoke. You mentioned that he had an "odd expression on his face".
'Course that could all be just crazy me and their hostility towards each other is actually real and not *coughs* chemistry?
Anyway, I'm hooked and I'm on to the next chapter.
-Shieldmaiden
Hello again. I really liked the review, it was sweet and a little funny. I'm not sure what will happen between Diamond and Smoke yet, but it was fun to see that you can ship the two dragons.
It's cool to look back on my old work though.
Now here comes the bad news, I'm afraid I'm not writing this story for now, I might come back to it later, but you see this was my very first story. So if you see spelling mistakes, and grammar out of place like that, just keep in mind this was my very first story and it's not that great.
So, what work are you writing currently? I'd love to read the next book that you are working on.
I think you have read the first chapter, it's called Life or Death.
*drags self to laptop* Must...review... *sees that there is a cool story involving dragons* Ooo.
Hello there. I am reviewing. Let's get to it.
It's verb tense that's the problem here. You could have made it all one sentence to fix the word: "flashing" there, or you could have said,
"Diamond the Sea Wing could be seen looking out into the violent storm. Her scales flashed deep blue each time a blade of lightning crossed the night sky."
Verb tense. It should be...
"Diamond growled as she got up and paced the cave."
"paced" just sounds better,
It's verging on being a run-on sentence. This...
"How were they going to find the young dragonets they needed to take their place guarding Safire Valley?"
You don't have too, but it sounds better if you cut the last part of the sentence and put it somewhere else. (like, in something the dragons say) (and "in portant" should be: important)
Now there's debate about this, but at the end of the last sentence, there should be a period or (since Diamond seems aggravated) an exclamation point.
Put a comma after face.
Better sentence structure would be:
“Oh stop being so smart you little runt. How are you so sure?” Snapped Diamond, who stomped towards him,
“Will you stop being so rude!” Shouted Smoke at the top of his lungs, as he stood up quickly, and looked Diamond in the eyes,
It might be a good idea to put "so" in italics so we know it's for emphasis. Put a comma after "Smoke", and "out", and cut the "and" after "out"
The next sentences have similar errors.
“Stop it both of you” yelled Scorch, who stood up and steped on Diamond's tial before she could leap on Smoke, “We will find worthy dragons, and we will teach them.” said Scorch in his stern voice,
“Okay,how then?” Diamond said, sitting up with a big smile on her face.
“Well, we will just have to see what type of dragons are the smartest and the strongest.” replied Smoke,
There's room for improvement on that reply. Diamond could have said,
"We don't have time to wait and see, we have to act now!" Diamond said, turning her head towards Smoke and giving him a big fat glare,
“We will go have a good look tomorrow when the storm has calmed down.” Scorch advised, lying down again and looking out at the rain,
And what if the new guardians they picked weren't strong and wise enough to protect the most important things in the valley?
He'd go and ask Blade the Razor Wing chief, tomorrow and see what he thought about the matter.
And whenever you say "Sea Wing", "Razor Wing", or "Lava Wing", you should capitalize them.
That's all. You keep writing and I'll keep reading!
Hello jessiebear!
I'm glad that you're back, I really missed you and your amazing novel!
Okay, since you told that you fixed up this chapter, I thought to check it out. ^^
You've fixed most of the errors and I'm really glad to see that you've improved your characters as well. I mean they all seemed like individual dragons with different personalities.
Scorch - Bossy and strict
Diamond - somewhat rude and sarcastic
Smoke- Funny and annoying
I really like all of them, and I expect to meet more characters in the other chapters.
A few slight errors that you might've missed,
'Caver' should be written as 'cave'
'siting' should be written as 'sitting'
'shore' should be written as 'sure'
'Pounds' should be written as 'pounce'
'siting' should be written as 'sitting'
And 'tipe' should be 'type'
It's better if you place commas after 'okay' and 'well'
'to morrow' should be 'tomorrow' and 'ling' should be written as 'lying'
Those were the small typos and other errors I noticed. But I must say, you've fixed up this chapter pretty well! ^_^ Hope to talk to you soon!
your best friend,
writerkitty
(and I didn't mark this as a review, because I've already written a review for this)
thank you for the review even when it was a great review!!
I all so hope that you will post more of your story in the site I really want to read more. Any way I hope we can talk soon and ketch up with things. So see you soon!!! 
From your best friend jessiebear!!!
Hello jessiebear, Felistia here with a review for you on this wonderful evening.
I can see that you are trying really hard to put a whole lot of description into the story, but in the process you have made the sentence very clunky to read. Maybe rearrange the sentence to look like this I took out an and because you used two in the same sentence. This make the stricter clunky and I took out dark. You could take out dark or black, but basically they mean the same thing so there's no reason to have them both there.So for the most of this review I'm going to help you make your sentences flow more easily.
First off. There were a few spelling mistakes in this chapter and I'm sure if you read back through it you'll find them.
So for the first bit of this sentence
Now this whole thing here is a bit of an info dump and is written in a really clunky way. Here's how I'd write it.
So I'm basically saying the same thing as you did except I took out a bit of the description as it was unneeded and you can tell the reader more about what the dragons look like later. I included a bit of description on how the dragons are positioned and what they're doing while describing them. The last bit at the end can be expanded into more thoughts.
Okay so I read through the story and your dialogue is pretty good. Much better than my first dialogue. I would just tweak this a bit.
So first what I did here is the punctuation. Whenever you end a piece of dialogue
You want to end the dialogue with a comma and have the next word start with a non capital. This goes for all dialogue.
You also want to shorten words if you can. For example this makes the dialogue sound more natural.
This would fit better into descriptive thought. I know that didn't really make sense so let me show you what I mean.
I just changed it up a little so there aren't any thought tags like these '.
I hope this helps and remember never stop writing. Have a great day\night.
Wow :hushed: you are good. Thank you very much for the review!
If it is not too much too ask can you review my two other chapters? It is okay if you don't wont too. Any way I hope you have a good day/night too!:D 
Oh and when I said :hushed: it was supposed to come out as this :hushed:
no problem. but before I review your other chapters can you go and make the changes that I talked about in this review? Just let me know when you do.
Wolfie here, as promised.
First of all, I think you meant to write "to take our places." Second, your dialogue tag ("Growled Diamond") should be on the same line as the dialogue itself. "Growled" shouldn't be capitalized, therefore, and there should be a comma after "places" instead of a full stop with a period. Like Ladybug said, there should also be a period after "pointless."
Sometimes, you don't need a dialogue tag. Instead of using one you can try something like this: "Diamond spread her wings, looking as if she was ready to pounce on Smoke. 'I'm so going to bite you right now!'" See how that didn't even need a tag? I used Diamond's actions instead.
[quote]'Oh, what is wrong with those two...'[quote]
This section of Scorch's thoughts needs to be italicized, not in quotes.
Apart from the spelling and grammatical errors in this piece, most of which were caught by Ladybug below, this story definitely has potential. If this is a "Wings of Fire" inspired piece, I find that pretty amusing since I've been reading and reviewing felistia's dragon novel that's modeled off of the same series. Who knew I'd be reading two dragon books all of a sudden? (I'm not one who tends to read many dragon books.
Since not much has happened so far in this prologue, I think I'll end the review here and jump to the first chapter so I'll have more to say. Good work, jessie!
Greetings Jessiebear! Holographic Ladybug here with a review-y review!
~Nit-Picks~
In side should be a single word (inside).
All so is one word (also).
Did you mean jems instead of Jemez?
You've switched from past tense to present tense, meaning you should switch was to were.
You forgot to put his name into possesive (Smoke's) and I think tha you might mean warm instead of worm.
There should probably be a period after pointless it sounds like the whole sentence is rushed together. There should be a break before the next sentence. This way, it will flow better.
Also, I'm not quite sure what you meant by take owe pleases. Did you mean take over our pleas?
(Before I start this part, you should know that you acidentally added a plural on the fifth line (Smoke's) and you slipped into present later on on the same line with pounches on Smoke.)
Dialogue. Dialogue, dialogue, dialogue. You're doing it ok, but you're doing it wrong. The first line you have here is acually done fine. You'll see why in a moment.
Before I continue, I'll introduce you to some of the rules that you are missing:
The S in Snapped should not be a capitalized word.
Let's use the previous line as an example again:
Instead of a period at the end of her line, there should probably be a comma. This would be different if you had ended with a question mark or an exclaimation point.
You should probably break the thought before the tag (Scorch thought with his wings down and with a very un-happy look on his red scaly face.')
The rules of dialogue apply. Your problem this time is ending it with a period instead of a comma before the tag.
Also, prolong should be spelled prologue.
~Other Bits~
You've quite an introduction here. However, it would be best to reveal this kind of thing in a different way. You're telling us a boat-load of information (although that's a bit of an over exaggeration) right on the spot and it can hurt your story. But here's what you can do to fix that: space out the information.
What I mean by this is not having all of your character info in one spot, but rather have it after your dialogue, which you've got quite a bit of here.
Now, more into detail!
Diamond was the first one to speak and also the first one you introduced, right? So maybe describing her after she speaks would be best. Same goes for Scorch and Smoke. Describe then AFTER they speak their lines.
About the setting: that's fine where it is at the start. You don't really need to move that.
Be careful when you're using prologues. I'm not sure what your first chapter looks like *yet*, so I can't tell you if this should be chapter one or just to keep it as a prologue. You see, there are a lot of readers who just skip over the prologue. That can seriously injure your story if a reader needs to read the prologue before chapter one. Check out this for more on prologues.
~Good Bits~
Overall, good. I'm guessing that this is a Wings of Fire fanfiction, right?
Your dialogue itself is great because you're getting your characters emotions across really well to us. It's not such of a great thing if someone messes up with that (but it's fixable!), but you didn't! So great high five for you!
Your characters are interesting and a key to an interesting story is interesting characters, right? I'd like so see how heir characteristics play out more in the story.
Although, the rest of the review is larger than the good stuff, I actually enjoyed this. Looking forward to the next chapter, Jessiebear and nice work!
~Holographica'
Okay thank you for your grate review. Oh I have posted chapter 1 and if you wont you can go check it out and again thank you for your grate review.
You're welcome! ^^ I'll check it out once I have time.
Grate I am lookin for weird to reading your review.
Hey jessiebear! CHRISSY321 here with a review as promised!
As I was reading your story-I was often confused with quiet a few errors, but I really think that this will become a great story. I just want to remind you that when you write a review,chat, and especially publish a work on here, you should double check and do your best to make sure there are no careless errors, such as in spelling, and other things like that. Not trying to nitpick in this review-but this is what I saw that I think you should fix:
In the beginning, you have this big 'ol paragraph that really was not necessary. Yes, the details were great, but you should separate the different areas where each dragon was being described into different paragraphs. It flows better and is easier for the reader to read through!
Next:
I think that 'Gerould' was growled? I was confused here-you should make sure that certain words are clear.
'Rood' is supposed to be 'rude' and 'vows' I think is supposed to be 'voice'
This one area has many mistakes. I again want to stress that you REALLY need to proof read while you write-and try your best to spell correctly!!!
*Changes*
*rite=right
*spared=spread
*reedy=ready
*pounces=pounce
*changes*
*spices=species
*resend=(I think it is replied?)
*grind=grin
Sorry again about the nitpicking, but I think they will really help you see the error and help you improve you writing! That is why we are all here-to help each other and progress as writers!
I encourage you to keep writing, and to try your best to improve
Keep Writing!
Chrissy
Thank you for your grate review.
*great*
Please try to improve your spelling-nit trying to be mean, trying to help 
Don't worry your review was very help full and thank you again.
*helpful*
If you write it on Google Docs you will have auto spelling correct.
To Chrissy: *not*
You might have been on mobile though, so I understand how mobile spellcheck can be a pain. <,>
Okay thank you for the advise.
Hello there jessiebear, it's writer12345 here to give a review!
)
For some reason the next part of the sentence isn't that much clear, can you recheck that? 
small nitpick, 'sporks' should be written as 'sparks'.
)
)
)
First of all this is a great start, and I already can't wait to read the first chapter. There were a few slight spelling errors throughout this chapter but I think it's due to autocorrect or something like that.
At the start,
"The night was cold and wet and the wind howled outside the black, dark cave. There were three dragons that lived in side this cave.
Rather than writing 'there were three dragons that inside (And inside is one word) this cave;you could write something like 'Three mighty dragons lived in this cave.' (you can use an adjective here if you want
"The first one was a sea wing and here name was Diamond. Her body was a deep blue. She all so has Jemez on her wings. Her eyes were like diamonds in the dark, and on her snout, back, tale and the wings were her own lights. There was a laver wing in the cave as well and his name was Scorch. His body was red like rubies. His eyes were like sporks of fire. His teeth was as white as ice.
You can combine a few sentences and write it as one meaningful sentence. I'll show you an example. When you are describing Diamond you wrote about four sentences, and it takes the reader on a long journey and makes it hard for them to picture the creature in their mind.
'The first one was a deep blue Sea Wing whose name was Diamond. (since you want to hint the readers that this dragon is a girl you can start the next sentence with 'her')
Her eyes shined like diamonds in the dark (I'm not sure whether 'her eyes were like diamonds' is that much appropriate there. maybe it's just my bad
The next sentence was pretty good!
"In the shadows lurked a night wing and his name was Smoke.
Next when you're describing a person or creature try to use a minimum amount of sentences without extending it unnecessarily.
'In the shadows lurked a nightwing named Smoke.'
And then you can start off the next sentence with 'he'. because you used his name at the end of the first sentence. Does that make any sense? if not please let me know okay?
Your descriptions are pretty good and your dialogue is great!
Anyway I forgot to ask whether you needed an in depth review or not, so I thought to show out a few tips and small nitpicks in the next part of the review.
(I'll show only one example, otherwise you'll start to think I'm a really boring person
*As I mentioned before, don't use extra long sentences when you're describing places, people or your characters. (and try to avoid repetition of words)
example:
These three dragons looked after the valley and protected it. But these three dragons were getting to old to protect Safire Valley.They hat to find younger dragons to guard the Valley and take their pleas.
Use used the words 'these three dragons' twice in these two sentences.
You can cut off one of them and write something like,
'These three dragons looked after the Safire valley and protected it for decades. But now they were getting too old so they had to find younger dragons to take their place.'
*There were a few small spelling errors, I'll show you a few of them. (I know I said that I'll show out one example, but things change when I move on
'They hat to find younger dragons to guard the Valley and take their pleas.'
It should be 'place' not 'pleas'.
“It is just pointless we will never find strong and wise enough dragons to take owe pleases.” Gerould Diamond.
It should be 'our places' not 'owe pleases'.
And in the end it should be 'growled Diamond.'
(See, I really think it's something with the auto correct option.)
“And will you stop being so rood!” Shouted Smoke at the top of his vows.
You've spelled 'rude' as 'rood' and 'voice' as 'vows'.
Please look out for small mistakes like that.
* At the end where Scorch thinks about the two meddlers and the arising problem; I got a little confused when I read that.
"Oh what is wrong with those to two? Can’t they stop fighting and whingeing for one minute, and what if the new guardians that we are going to pick is not strong and wise, and they can’t protect the most in portent thing in the valley. I am going to ask blade tomorrow and see what he says. Thought Scorch with his wings down and with a very un-happy look on his red scaly face.
There should be a comma after 'Oh'... I fixed the paragraph a bit, just check it out.
(And you can completely ignore this because it's your story.
'Oh, what is wrong with those two, can’t they stop fighting and whining for one minute? And what if the new guardians that we are going to pick are not strong and wise enough to protect the most important thing in the valley? I'm going to ask Blade tomorrow and see what he thinks about it. Scorch thought with his wings down and with a very un-happy look on his red scaly face.'
Anyway this is long and boring, but I hope it'll be helpful.
I can't wait to read your story!!!!
Never stop writing and have a good day/night
Your friend,
writer12345
Thank you a lot for your grate review and I will let you no when I have posted chapter 1.
I no you are a grate friend.