Hello hello! Spearmint here for a review ^_^ I found this chapter in the green room a few days ago, and it took me a while to read all the previous chapters, but here I am! Okay, let's get started:
As he rode Thunder he took in the scenery before him. The midday sun rising to its peak, hitting the river’s blue waters with its golden rays. He watched as the water moved, its surface sparkling. Long strands of grass carpeted the land before him. It looked so peaceful, something he wasn’t used to.
Beautiful description here! I feel like Richard is finally taking a moment to slow down a little and appreciate what's around him-- a nice change from impulsively murdering people :p
One thing I might suggest is to include a description of the village here, too. When I was reading this, I was sort of confused as to where Richard and Vanessa were because the settings of the other chapters weren't mentioned. So perhaps you could add a line like, "The village and castle seemed far away, outshone by the peaceful mountainside." Just a suggestion! ^-^
Walking through the dangling plants, Richard followed Vanessa’s cloaked form as she walked down the dark hall...
Hmm Richard must have a lot of trust in Vanessa if he's willing to just leave his horse and follow her into a mysterious cave... It makes me wonder how they first got to know each other.
Following after her, Richard took note it wasn’t that much different from his home, the walls lined with torches not yet lit, though from the dim light he could just make out the small shine of damp moss along the walls.
Another question I have is who originally made Richard's home and Vanessa's hideout? They seem too grand and well-made to have been created within only a few years (well, at least to me :p). Were these places there before and the characters just found them?
Returning his attention to Vanessa, Richard walked over to the door she was standing next to, opening it he allowed her through then followed after.
Okay, kind of a nitpicky thing here-- why is Richard opening the door for Vanessa if it isn't his hideout? (Like, how does he know which door is right?) And why is Vanessa just standing there, waiting for Richard to open the door for her? :p I feel like it'd make more sense if Vanessa is the one to open the door, and then Richard just follows her into the room. I'm sure there'll be other opportunities later for Richard to be a gentleman! XD
Weapons he hadn’t even known about lined the walls on well-made shelves, and some desks were covered in books and paperwork. Looking to the far right of the room, hestudiesstudied the fireplace that would normally be used for weapon making in an armory. Many other tools and stone surfaces were gathered around the fireplace...
Ooh this sounds like a place I'd like to visit! Nice job, you definitely get the reader interested in the places you describe c:
I've bolded a few changes I would make to this part (in order to make it flow better), but you don't have to take these suggestions, of course!
“Mikel!” Vanessa called, waving her hand at the boy, trying to get his attention.
Said person removed the weapons from the water trough then looked up towards the others, once placing them on the table before him, “Oh, hey sis.”
To me, the "waving her hand at the boy, trying to get his attention" part doesn't really make sense. Correct me if I'm wrong, but Mikel's the only other person in the room, right? So I'd think that just calling his name would be enough to get his attention.
Also, I tend to avoid using the phrase "said person" when it's possible to just describe the person instead. So here's how I might rewrite this part:
"Mikel!" Vanessa called.
The young man removed the weapons from the water trough and looked up towards the others. "Oh, hey sis."
Anyways, moving on:
...the Gem. It had been about a week since he had taken it, and since that time its color had begun to change even more. It wasn’t a clear cold blue anymore, its center was a blood-red with flickering flames of orange swirling within.
Oooh the Gem is changing color~ I wonder what that means? o.0
...it looks like the center of a volcano about to erupt.
Hmm, I'd caution against using the volcano reference here, because so far the novel hasn't mentioned anything about volcanoes (meaning that to me, this simile feels a little random). Perhaps you could compare it to "the sky at sunset" or something instead?
...the only other suspicion I have it connects to a bloodline...
O.O Wasn't Richard's crest a dragon head for fire? And now this Gem shows up that seems to react to flames... and it might connect to a bloodline... Mighty suspicious, me thinks :p (In a totally cool and awesome way

No one knows where they come from and how they came to be, or precisely how many Gems there were...
This part is rather vague about how many Gems there were, but then Vanessa says that
...we now have a rough count of how many Gems there are out there.
Hmm. I think it might make more sense to just have one Gem for each ruler, meaning seven in total, instead of being mysterious about it. Nothing wrong with some mystery, of course! But in my opinion, the number of Gems isn't too important to the plot so far, and so it should probably be clarified as much as possible.
There isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t loath that man for what he did, I will end him if it’s the last thing I do.
Oho, Richard's driven by revenge, huh? Well I just hope he doesn't become obsessed or consumed by it... 0.0
...there wasn’t any reason to put off his plans.
Ahh I can't wait to find out what those plans are!! Probably nothing good for Damien...

Overall, I enjoyed reading this and learning more about Richard's character, as well as the Gem! This was super fun to read-- please tag me when you post the next chapter!

Points: 2551
Reviews: 23
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