Published June 25, 2005
A red balloon came drifting by,
floating free through the saphire sky.
The chickadees chirp,
The turtledoves croon,
"Where are you off to, red balloon?"
East of the sun and west of the moon,
East of the sun and west of the moon.
It floated in on a whisper of wind,
past countries where children are ailing and thin,
past forests polluted and burnt down and logged,
past cities with smokestacks that belted out smog.
A red balloon came drifting by,
floating free throgh the saphire sky.
The chickadees chirp,
The turtledoves croon,
"Where are you off to, red balloon?"
East of the sun and west of the moon,
East of the sun and west of the moon
It floated by on a tropical breeze,
past ruby red sunsets and emerald green seas,
past wild mountain meadows where horses run free,
and joy,life and beauty were all it could see.[/pre][/i]
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139,477 Literary Works • 672,575 Reviews
i have a friend whos mother dragged her to alaska after a boyfriend. she came back and pretty much everybody asked her if she lived in an igloo and/or had a pet penguin. she was telling me this and with a perfectly straight face i asked her, 'did you have a pet penguin?' she almost punched me.
wow. it's really good. i wish i had something more than that to say, but i really just loved it. i thought the lenghth was perfect and that the content was really original. keep it up : )
Thanks for your crit.
I heard the song recently, it's pretty cool. The version I heard was in english, with one part in german. The german part sounds so cool...
I JUST got your Alaska joke(I'm kind of slow at times). Lol, Alaska's not as cold as people think, not where I live, anyway. It can get pretty chilly, I guess, but I do NOT live in an igloo. Or ride polar bears to school.
I love that verse, simply because it rhymes and rhyming poems are a favorite of mine, even though I've never been able to write them myself.
I think this line detail wise is rather cliche. That and I think having two descriptions having to do with gems in the same line is a bit repetitive and seemed too forced about sounding pretty and descriptive.
I like repetition in my poetry, but this seemed unneeded. The poem sounds fine if you only say this line once instead of twice between verses.
All in all I really liked this poem. And I reccomend that you listen to the song "99 Red Balloons" it doesn't matter if you listen to the German or English version, both are good. Actually, I read this poem because of the similar title between this work and that song.
By the way, thanks for welcoming me. And I think its cool that you live in Alaska. Both literally and figurtively.
LUNA
Ever heard the song "99 Red Balloons"? It was originally in German but I think the band Goldfinger covered it quite well. Your poem really reminds of that song.
Feh... this is quite old, I hoped no one would bring it up again; I'm a bit embarassed by it. It's pretty childish... I hope my writing's somewhat more mature now. If I've improved I owe it to YWS.
I borrow lines frequently from other poets. My teachers say it is allusion. I always put the lines in italic.
Just a quick point - "saphire" should be "sapphire." It's one of those weird words I can never spell correctly lol.
I really liked this poem! =D> Its really nice! I'm not a huge fan of poetry myself but I think this is good. I think you should make It longer. At the end I was kinda like, "Awww, its over already!"
Thanks everyone!no one posted on this for such a long time I had posted it.
I read east too... it's cool. I... borrowed that phrase... I know im a no good very bad plaguerizer but it was just one wee little phrase.
i like the idea about putting it in italics instead of quote marks, I think I'll do that.
Yeah, I think it was just the right length, any longer and....
I think it was very nice, and the ryming wasn't forced. Great job 
I didn't think it was that short, it seamed just the right length. but If you wanted to add more, id be interested to see the rest of the red baloons adventures.
I like it. But I agree that it feels too short. You should add more verses.
Hey, I read "East", that's a good book. But anyway, nice poem. I like the part about polluted burnt down logged forests, it had nice rythym and rhyme and stuff. The very last line makes it seem a little... sing-songy or sugarcoated or something, which I don't get in the rest of the poem. But great job overall. Very cool.
I liked reading this, but I my mind got caught up in the line "east of the sun and west of the moon". I just read a book called "East", that used that line as directions to a particular place, so my mind jumped back to that story, and it got jumbled up with the red balloon. But that's just me, and goes to show that what the reader brings to a poem really affects what they get out of it.
But when I went back and reread it, I kept my mind a little more focused, and I really enjoyed it. Nicely done.
I like this very much, although I think it would be better if instead of quotation marks you had those lines in italics.
but it's your choice.
I also agree with what PsyLynx had to say.
cheers CL
Not bad. I definitely think it's a good start, but felt that you could do more with it, and expand on the concept. The repetition was the only thing I really didn't like.
thanks everybody, especially jennafina... psylynx, you confuse me!! wha...im easily confused..as for the last line, i originally wasnt going to put it, but my sister said the poem wasnt long enough or repeated itself too much or something, so i just tacked it on. i guess it was a little out of place.
Your poem is haunting. I like the part about ailing children and smog and forests and things. But I agree that the last line seams a little out of place. but its really really awesome. Really beautiful..
Yes, I liked it. It was...as though it was for children...but there was nothing about it that made it so that adults shouldn't read it. I liked it, a lot. But I do agree, it seemed wrong. The last line...it didn't see anything bad, in all of its journeys, through lands where children starve, through lands where smokestacks belted out smog? Nothing wrong? Maybe all it felt was goodness, but surely it saw more....surely it wasn't blind, and you tell us that this world was not perfect...don't you?
I agree, this is really different fron the rest of the poems on here, thats what makes it so original. good job!
This was very different from a lot of poems.
Typo:
"Where are you off to, red baloon?"
Balloon.
I liked it. However, it didn't seem very complete, like it was cut off in the middle of something. I don't know. It just felt like that to me.