Published December 1, 2014
Potatoes don't normally have very good lives. It starts out well enough. They live together, snug and warm underground. But then, disaster strikes.
The innocent potatoes are brutally ripped away from their home, family, and friends. They are dragged into the harsh, cruel world. To top it all off, the poor guys are packaged in suffocating plastic, separated from their families.
Some suffer a worse fate than others. Some are cut and chopped into fries. Others become crispy chips. More become hash browns. But the most dreaded and horrifying of all is mashed potatoes.
Chopped, sliced, boiled, spun, and beaten, becoming a mashed potato is a painful process. As soon as they see the mixer, the potatoes know they are doomed.
Most all potatoes die the same way. They die as they slide down the steep esophagus, screaming all the way. The lone ones who survive soon suffer in the stomach. Acid rises up, swallowing them, eating away at their wounded bodies.
There is one other way to die, in Potatodom. The dreaded Gravy of Death. The already pained and traumatized food think that the pain is over. But in some cases, it has only just begun.
The gravy slowly spills out of the ladle, thick and creamy. Creamy death. Agonizingly slow, the mashed potatoes can only watch in horror. Seeing as they have no body, they can not move.
Gravy covers them,like a landslide. As it encases the potatoes, they scream, one only they can hear.
The gravy strangles, suffocates them. They fade slowly. First comes the darkness. Then the slow dullness of their senses shutting down. Finally, they slip into unconsciousness. Then Gravy of Death strikes like a snake. They have already passed on when you scoop them into your mouth.
Gravy of Death prevails once again.
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139,055 Literary Works • 672,402 Reviews
Haha, very creative! Although the same could be written about other foods, such as....I don't know. But this was really very good. It could've been written better, but this effort is also really good. HA, mashed potatoes. We feel sorry for them, but we don;t stop eating them, do we? I love french fries!
Keep it up!
Mysticalxx
I don't have any nitpicks at all. This is such a creative piece and it was so enjoyable to read! You don't need me to tell that it was fantastic, I think everyone below me has already said that.
You almost made me feel sorry for the potatos, you described the events that well.
These are my favourite lines because of their imagery and content:
-Chopped, sliced, boiled, spun, and beaten, becoming a mashed potato is a painful process. As soon as they see the mixer, the potatoes know they are doomed.
-The gravy slowly spills out of the ladle, thick and creamy. Creamy death. Agonizingly slow, the mashed potatoes can only watch in horror. Seeing as they have no body, they can not move.
-Then Gravy of Death strikes like a snake.
I would love it if you wrote another piece like this. Perhaps for lettuce, or a carrot.
Thanks! Maybe I will!
This is hilariously awesome. As was mentioned in another review, there are a few points where you switch tense. Otherwise good work. Now, if you'll excuse me, I want to go eat some potatoes.
What the frick did I just read? This was the oddest thing I have read, but also the best!
If there was something to say critically is: What is Potatodom? You could just give a breif explaination of what that is. Also, you could say something about how they are harvested because it looks like a pretty painful process.
But if you just doing this for fun: A++!
\^_^/ <3 Loved IT!
Haha! I love these responses I'm getting!! Potatodom is the kingdom of potatoes, I guess I should add it in. Thank you so much!
This was absolutely great. It made me laugh to read. You're a pretty good and imaginative writer! I admire that. I don't see anything wrong with this, but here goes a mind mushed review...
"Gravy covers them, sliding out like a landslide. As it encase(s---try to keep one tense) the potatoes, they scream (a scream) only they can hear. (added drama in tat phrase? XD)
The gravy strangle(s), suffocate(s) them. They fade slowly. First comes the darkness. Then the slow dullness of their senses shutting down. Finally, they slip into unconsciousness. Then Gravy of Death (has struck) like a snake. They have already passed on when you scoop some into your mouth.
Gravy of Death (prevails) once again.
I guess I was only going to change a couple things there, but you need to make sure you keep it all in one tense. I know that will improve the rest of the piece.
Forgive me, I am not the greatest at reviewing short stories. I hope this was some help!
Thank you for sharing!
the grey reality
Well...I may never eat potatoes again.
And inspiring, if you're looking to become anti-starch.
What a creative little piece! I must say, the content is great. I can see many age varieties appealing to this.
A few nitpicks since there's little I can fault you on otherwise:
In the last few paragraphs there are at least two sentences where you switch to past-tense, which is awkward and confusing for the reader.
"...thick and creamy. Creamy death."
Is it meant for effect that the word 'creamy' duplicates right after another? If not, I'd just as soon find a way to rearrange those sentences.
also "...sliding out like a landslide." This comparison is a bit obvious, considering they both have the word 'slide'. Is there another way to word this?
That's about all I have for suggestions. This is a pretty funny piece
Keep it up!