CRACK! Click-click, click-click. CRACK! The bolt-action rifles fire, reload, and fire all around me. I jerk out of my reverie to find myself alone, and the rifles I hear are being fired by the rest of my group, who have already entered shooting stalls and been instructed in the use of the weapons.
I rise to my feet, the Blue Tick hound dog I had been petting stands up, and together we trot towards the others. The dog sees her master and abandons me, quickening to join him in the one remaining empty stall. He beckons to me, and I join him also.
The dog rubs her head on my leg, begging for more attention, but other than a quick swipe at her ears, I ignore her. I have been lax enough as it is. The master is explaining the rifle to me, and I must attend to every word.
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Canary word: Present
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,857 Reviews
Hello! My name is Cookie64 and I will be reviewing.
The first thing that comes to my mind when I arrive on this page was the length of the text. I mean, I know it says short story, but I almost feel like this is too short for that. My advise is that you should convert this into a poem because this would make an awesome poem. To my belief, the person's point of view is a master...maybe a dog. I can't figure out who the person is. All I really know from this is that he or she was in a gun fight and that person had a dog. Elaborate and use more detail. Also, please use more characterization. Who were the people attacking and is there a war; is that why they were fighting? This short story can go so many ways. You are already a great writer; I can tell by how your put you ideas into words. You just need to reach into your creative mind. Remember, practice makes perfect and reach for the stars. Good day
-Cookie64
Thank you, Cookie
. When I wrote it a couple years ago, it was intended as a short scene for a writing class, not so much a story. I was a tiny bit miffed when I saw that "scene" was not an option for genre 
. I considered converting it into a poem, but I figured it was too long for that. If you think it would work, then I'll try it 
Go for it!
I know you can do it!
Sinful just coming by to drop a review.
Positives:
This short was very descriptive, and accurate. I admired the way you added yourself within the mix, and also explained you affection with the dog. Laying there and petting her, giving her the attention she craves. Almost sounds like the bond between me and my own dog.
Negatives:
I truly wish you would add more detail, like how it sounded when the guns fired. Did it sound like a bomb going off, or a loud clap of thunder? Place that imagery within the story to make it more realistic within the minds of readers. And explain how it was within the range, like what were some of the things you saw and smelled and heard. Make it realistic.
This was also somewhat boring, I mean all it explains is your affection with a dog and then the instructions on how to use a gun; the end. Make it longer and more descriptive, add dramatic emotions and irony. Anything would make this piece better to read, and more exciting as well.
Thanks for reviewing! This was a short scene I wrote for a writing class a couple years ago, and I posted it as is, mostly because I was having trouble remembering details and was hoping some of the comments would jog my memory. You've helped with that, so thank you! I will definitely expand on it
.