Mistakes [Revised]

NOTE: So, YWS keeps changing my formatting on here, so I can't format this story properly. Certain areas are supposed to be italicized. Whenever Sara or Officer Shalling speaks, it should be italics. As well as the brief moment where you see Tyler's thoughts.

“I made a mistake.”

 

“What now?” I called in response to my fiancé, staring blankly at my work. She must have just gotten home from purchasing groceries, although I did not hear her come inside. She walked to my desk, standing next to me. She looked tired and worn out, pale and sick – as opposed to her typical healthy and happy appearance.

 

“What did you do, Sara?” I repeated impatiently. I was supposed to be working; not putting up with my fiancé's drama and mistakes. Sara grabbed my hand and pulled gently, motioning towards the door with her available hand.

 

“Come with me. It's important.” She said, with a voice strong in comparison to her apparent exhaustion. I stood out of my chair and sighed, rolling my eyes. Sara had always gotten flustered at me when I rolled my eyes at her, but she ignored it this time, tugging on my arm as she led me out of our den. I followed her through the hallway, into the living room with our flat-screen television attached to a measly VCR player. On a table sat an empty pizza box, not yet picked up from the previous night. Sara guided me to the main phone handset, placing my hand on top of it.

 

“I'm confused,” I blurted. “What's going on? What do you-” Before I had finished my questioning, the phone rang. I jumped, startled by this, and cast Sara a curious look. How did she know the phone would ring? What was so important about it? I shook my head, clearing it of the questions, and picked up the phone.

 

“Hello?”

 

“Tyler Carter?” The voice on the other end asked, in a gruff voice.

 

“Yes, speaking.” I replied, still wondering what was going on.

 

“This is Officer Robert Shalling, of the Springfield Police Department. I regret to inform  you, your fiancé, Sara Williams, got into a severe car wreck on Sycamore Street. She was identified and taken by an ambulance, but she was proclaimed dead six minutes ago.” I froze, attempting to wrap my brain around this. This had to be some kind of sick joke.

 

“You must be kidding me. That's impossible, Sara is home! Sara, talk to this-” I cut off as I turned to face Sara – she wasn't there. “Sara?” I called, looking around frantically. I dropped the phone, and ran through our small house, looking for her, calling her name. The phone started ringing, but I ignored it; Sara was more important. She was in none of the rooms I checked, leaving the den as the last potential place. I rushed to the den.

 

“Sara!” I shouted, busting in. The room was empty, and Sara was nowhere to be found.

 

Her voice echoed through the house, one final time. It was the last thing I heard from her;

 

“I made a mistake.”

 

Comments & reviews · 3
Note: You are not logged in, but you can still leave a comment or review. Before it shows up, a moderator will need to approve your comment (this is only a safeguard against spambots). Leave your email if you would like to be notified when your message is approved.

User avatar
JohnLocke1
Review

This was a very interesting story and a very good read. However, I am confused as to what happened? "I made a mistake" is far too vague for anything to come to any sort of conclusion as to what she did. Since this is a short story, you need to clear this up. Especially if you want to leave your readers with a chilling vibe or something that makes them remember your story. I am interested in what you will write next. Keep me posted. Happy Writing!

User avatar
MythWriter99
Review

Wow. I like the story. But i think you should expand a little more on the mistake. What exactly was the mistake? How did it relate to the wife's death? But I like the story. The formatting wasn't really a problem for me. One thing I really like about your story is that it's a smooth read, it's not bumpy or hard to understand. I look forward to reading more of your work soon!

User avatar
abelgaiya
Review

Ah, a classic story you got there.

This is only my opinion and not a correction: "...my fiancé's drama and mistakes."
I think it'd sound better if it were "mistakes and drama".

The plot is great but the significance of it all seems implausible.
Basically, the story's about a girl that died 6 minutes ago, and then came to her husband as a ghost to let him know she's dead?
I'm just saying what she did wasn't really something that would have an impact on the husband.



Who wants to become a writer? And why? Because it’s the answer to everything. It’s the streaming reason for living. To note, to pin down, to build up, to create, to be astonished at nothing, to cherish the oddities, to let nothing go down the drain, to make something, to make a great flower out of life, even if it’s a cactus.
— Enid Bagnold