Published April 14, 2017
Chairs are red,
The rug is blue.
I know this is inappropriate,
still I am writing about the loo.
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139,745 Literary Works • 672,690 Reviews
Hey there!
Ejay here for a review.
Um..
To begin with, I am not really into short poems and stuff, but anyways, I'll give it a try.
I do love elements of humour in anything, but I do feel that it could have been a lot more humorous.
The first few lines do not fit into the structure . The last line is completely off.
My suggestion : Improve it a bit
Regards,
Ejay
So humorous poetry isn't really my jam.
You botched this in a couple of ways. There's nonsense in the first line given the context of the poem's last two lines, the meter breaks in the last line, and it just doesn't mesh well together at all if I'm being frank. The final line can go either way as far as meter: you can lengthen or shorten it to make it match a meter that is pleasant, but as it stands it is horrid for mouth-feel. Line three does quite a bit of injustice as well meter-wise, but it's the setup for the punchline so it can be forgiven altogether. The first two lines are cliche in the setup for not much reward in toilet humor, so maybe consider beefing it up and just...increasing the laugh value.
Keep writing. Experiment and don't stop.
Ty