18+ Mature Content

Secrets of the Forgotten

Warning: This work has been rated 18+ for mature content.

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One

Blaze's emerald green eyes scanned everyone, looking for signs of disgust. She and Milo, her best friend, were hanging out by a drug store a few months after her father, the Mayor, released a press statement saying that supernatural beings existed. That vampires, werewolves, and shapeshifters, were allowed to live freely amongst all human kind. Blaze knew most humans wouldn't be okay with this, seeing as they were the food. The whole “eating and drinking from humans” thing kind of put a damper at dinner parties.

Milo analyzed Blaze's tense muscles and tightened eyes skirting from one person to another under her dark hair. She was so nervous. He looked up and saw a girl from their old school watching him, and grinned at her, showing his sharp teeth at her for the first time.

“Mariah! I got a package for you right here!” He pointed at his pants and made small thrusting motion in the pale girl's direction. Mariah blushed, walking by the two friends quickly.

Blaze instantly slapped him hard, her silver green eyes darting back and forth, looking for any eyes on them.

“Don't do that Milo!” She hissed through her tightly gritted fangs “You could us in trouble for that!”

Milo grinned at her and leaned back against the stone wall.

“C'mon Blaze, you gotta live life on the edge of this shit hole.” He laughed, nudging her lightly.

“My father finally got the state, to accept us! Maybe even the whole country one day!”

“Wouldn't need to if YOU hadn't revealed yourself to your HUMAN boyfriend.” He shot back.

She blushed, narrowing her eyes.

“That has nothing to do with this.”

“What does then?”

“My father got us accepted as we are, and here you are, practically throwing it back in his face by scaring some random human girl!”

“I've been in the same school with that girl since we were little, same as you, the only difference is she knows what I am now! If your father was sure he got us “accepted”, then how come we've all been moved to a different school for our own “protection”?” He air quoted, practically fuming.

Blaze looked down, remembering the day in school after the press meeting was over where every SP being had to reveal themselves in their class. More were there than Milo or Blaze had known of. Especially the super quiet boy, Alec Wind, who always studied in the corner of every class.

She shook her head and stepped close, growling quietly.

“There is a big difference Milo and you know it. We're freaks according to them. We're an abomination to society just because we aren't like them.”

“Is that societies' words, or your ex's?” He shot back.

Blaze's eyes widened in shock at the words that left Milo's lips.

His gaze shifted to the ground in guilt.

“Yeah anyway, I'm an abomination because I have fangs that can sink through skin. Through the flesh of a young innocent human as if it was nothing but butter.” he whispered, his voice slowly becoming rougher, his pale blue eyes darkening. He was starting to shift.

“Milo, snap out of it.” She said, shaking him. “You can't do this. We need them to accept us.”

His fangs sunk into his bottom lip causing a small bead of blood to leak out.

“MILO DUNGBURG!” A voice bellowed behind them.

Blaze watched as Brent Lazos walked towards them. The human she had been with, just three months ago, for four years. The boy she still loved. The same one she had revealed herself to, and had dumped by, in that very same moment. HE had been the one to tell everyone first about the existence of SP beings. HE was the cause of all the problems her people were now facing.

Milo watched the lump form in her throat, the feelings race through her eyes and across her face. He felt her nails dig into his shoulders, but he couldn't tell if it was out of terror for someone to see him turning, or terror at the person who was coming their way. He sighed, relaxing himself and leaning back against the wall.

His eyes slid slowly up to see Brent and they grinned at one another.

He knew Blaze's reaction was of the latter.

“Yeah?” He said to Brent.

Brent stepped in front of them, his gaze slipping over Blaze's frame slowly.

“Blaze.” His voice, cold as ice, cut through her heart.

“Brenton.” She replied stiffly.

He turned his full attention Milo.

“So Dungburg, how's it going now that everyone knows what you are? What's it like to be a vicious killer? He laughed.

Milo grinned, shrugging lazily.

“I don't know. I guess it gets me all the ladies.”

“Like who?”

“Like her.” Milo jerked his chin towards Blaze, who blushed in shock.

Brent's face lost the cool composure but he tried playing it off.

“Good luck with her. She bites. I would know, trust me on that.”

Milo slid his arms around Blaze's waist, pulling her against him.

“Oh no. Trust ME. She bites more than you know.” Milo said, laughing.

Blaze was slightly irritated that Milo was lying to Brent but she just wanted to see Brent care about her again so wasn't going to protest at the moment.

She looked into Brent's eyes, trying to catch a flicker of emotion, but saw nothing in the depth of those black eyes. Just like the night he walked away.

“Well,” Brent said, clearing his throat. “We should totally hang out, go on a double date and what not.”

Blaze's heart shattered silently.

“D-double date?” She squeaked.

Brent looked at her finally and grimaced.

“Y-yeah. I got a girl.” He shifted uncomfortably.

“Who?” Milo teased.

“Vanessa Sanchez.”

Blaze was internally screaming.

Milo's arm tightened around her waist, holding her together.

“That blonde from English?” Milo laughed.

“No. The brunette that used to hang out with Blaze.” Brent cringed as if he was waiting for someone to hit him.

Blaze felt her back stiffen and her stomach drop.

Brent looked into her eyes, opening his mouth to say something but nothing came out. Only air, full of broken promises.

“Uh, I think we should go.” Milo whispered into her ear, looking across the street.

Brent and Blaze followed his gaze.

Vanessa was skipping her way towards them. A big grin on her face. Brown golden curls bouncing around her heart shaped face. If there were labels in this friendship, Blaze would've been the loner and Vanessa was cheerleader type.

Clearing his throat, Brent straightened his back as she approached.

“Baby, I was just telling Blaze that we're dating.” Vanessa slipped into his arms, wrapping hers around his waist.

“It's not weird is it?” Vanessa asked, seemingly concerned.

“Actually-”

“GREAT! I missed you, Blazey. School has been so boring without you. We need hang out soon.”

Vanessa yammered on but all Blaze heard was the blood roaring through her ears as she stared at Vanessa's arms wrapped around Brent. Just like she used to. All she could think about was sinking her teeth into Vanessa and ripping her throat out in the middle of the street.

“That's nice.” Milo said, cutting through Blaze's murderous thoughts. “We have a family dinner to get to. You know how those family meetings go.”

“Oh that sounds LOVELY! We could come. I miss your parents Blaze, and oh my I haven't seen your father since he became Mayor!” Vanessa squealed, hugging Blaze.

“My mother is dead.” Blaze began. Brent watched her, begging her with his eyes. “But, it's not me. We're going to Milo's.” She said stiffly.

“Oh. Well... good luck...” Vanessa said, slightly embarrassed, retreating back into Brent's arms.

Milo playfully punched Brent on the shoulder.

“We should totally double date sometime.” He laughed. Brent grimaced. Still eye locked with Blaze.

“Oh my.” Vanessa giggled. “I would love that. I missed you Blaze.”

Blaze snapped her gaze to Vanessa finally.

“I missed you too, Nessie. It HAS been way too long. We should catch up tomorrow. Just us.” She grinned.

Only Brent and Milo caught the acid dripping from her voice.

“Uh, Blaze. Ness doesn't have time. She has a thing.” Brent choked out.

“Shut up Brent.” She looked at Blaze. “Meet me at 2 in the mall! Okay?”

“Gladly.” Blaze grinned viciously and grabbed Milo's arm, pulling him away.

“Blaze. Don't.” He warned as soon as they were out of earshot.

“What?” Blaze looked at him innocently.

“You know what. Don't hurt her. Do you remember what you told me?”

“I'm not going to.”

“Bullshit. I saw the look you gave her. You think hurting her is gonna get him back into your arms?”

She skidded to a halt and faced him.

“And you think lying to him about us did loads better?!” She yelled.

“Actually I do!” He stepped up to her. “HE left you. I was just trying to hurt him.”

“Well I'm sure he'll come running now.” She made sure her voice dripped with sarcasm.

“Blaze don't be like this. You know you could've told him we weren't actually dating. Yet, you kept your mouth shut like a little lap dog.”

Her eyes narrowed as she growled.

“That's the way you like them don't you? Obedient and loyal?”

“Shut up. That's not true.” His eyes flashed dark blue.

“Didn't you kill your last girlfriend because she didn't agree with you? Tell me, now that everyone knows what you are, can you get any girl to be loyal to you? She'll probably be too scared to think of anything other than to please you.”

“Blaze. Shut. Up.”

“MAKE ME YOU COWARD.”

She didn't care anymore. She had snapped and it was too late to realize that she had snapped on the one person who truly cared about her. She didn't notice the haunting look that had crossed his face as he relived the moment 2 years ago with Izzabell Coinly.

He grabbed her tightly by the shoulder, letting his long claws sharpen into her skin and pushed her into an alleyway to their left. Into a wall.

“IT WAS AN ACCIDENT! YOU KNOW THAT! And you're the one calling ME a coward? You of all people?” His eyes gleamed darkly. He was showing his form. “The good girl who hides in her father's shadow? The girl who can't do shit without making sure it's okay with 'Daddy'.?”

“Shut up.” Blaze spit out. She couldn't look at him.

He didn't.

“You know what's so funny about all of this? I'm damn sure you wouldn't be like this if your mother was around!”

Blaze's body stilled. Blood roared through her body. She barely noticed Mile instantly deflating and stepping away from her.

“Blaze I'm so sorry. I didn't mean it at all I swear!”

She slapped him hard, her claws cutting into his cheek. The sound echoing around them.

“You piece of filth.” She whispered. Her eyes immediately turning dark green, almost black.

“I-”

“How DARE you!”

“Blaze, please calm down. Don't freak out!”

“My mother is dead. She's not around because SHE'S DEAD!!” Her breath catching from the panic attack rising from deep within her. This was something she hadn't let out yet.

“I know... I was just mad because you called me a coward and brought up...” His voice cracked. “You brought up Izz.. I'm not a coward.” He looked into her eyes. “You know that. You know it was m-my first time and she was hurting me! I-i couldn't control it-” His voice choked out.

His haunted blue eyes pierced her heart, causing her anger to disappear instantly.

“I know Milo. I'm sorry for what I said. I'm sorry for calling you names and stuff.”

He laughed and shrugged.

“Shit happens, even to the best of it. Get used to it babe.”

“Don't call me that.”

“It was just a metaphor.”

“Alright.”

“Blaze.”

She looked up at him, knowing he wanted to say something.

“I know what you're going through and I've been here for you this whole time.” He looked away, smirking. “But it gets better I'm sure. I promise. You'll find someone else one day.”

“Like who?”

He looked into her eyes.

“Someone who makes you laugh.”

She grinned.

“Oh I'm sure.”

“Blaze, I...”

She felt it coming. Everything he wanted to say, what he was feeling. Not like she didn't already know. He wasn't good at hiding his feelings for her around Brent.

“I like you.. I have for awhile now.”

She waited.

He quickly grabbed her cheeks, kissing her hard.

It was like a shock through her whole body, pulling him close she felt his hand trace her body. She knew what Bren-

She pushed against Milo and he let go immediately, looking confused.

“I can't Milo.. I'm just not ready yet. I'm sorry.” She said, as her eyes looked everywhere but at him.

She couldn't believe what she had just done.

“Uhm... yeah I understand, it's okay Blaze. You're not ready.” His voice sounded so hurt.

“We still have to go to your parents...” She said, trying to difuse the awkward tension.

“Why though? You never said.”

“My father needs their help. I don't know what it is but they already know their mission. We're to be informed when we get there.”

Milo sighed.

“He always needs them. Why can't he do it?”

“Milo.... it's only been a few months since my mom.... He doesn't come outside much.” Blaze whispered.

Thoughts haunted her everyday. Losing her mother in her arms was the worse thing she had ever experienced. All she had wanted was Brent that day. She could feel the haunting ache in her legs as she remembered running to his house, begging him to talk to her. She had to tell him what she was.. She couldn't lose someone else.. never again. He had to know-

“BLAZE!” Milo yelled, pulling her from the flashback.

They stood there for a moment before she pushed false cheerfulness into her face, grinning at Milo.

“Let's go!”

He smiled hesitantly at her, nodding.

As they left Blaze thought she was imagining things, but it looked like Brent's bluish black hair behind the dumpster from where Milo and her had kissed.

She shook it off as another hallucination of Brent.

Two

Blaze sat in the Dungburg living room. Stunned by what she had just been told.

Her father's orders were to let Brenton Lazos move into their house to watch him. His parents were being accused of spying on the SP being community for Demons.

Milo let out a loud flat laugh.

“That is just so ironic.” He muttered.

Blaze stared at the floor, gripping the folds of her blue sundress so hard her knuckles turned white.

“Milo, This boy could be dangerous to us. I don't know why you are so upset by this!” His mother said softly, clenching her fists until her knuckles turned white.

“That's right! You DON'T know. This is so stupid! I will not do this!” Milo yelled, standing up fast and storming into his room.

“Thanks?” Blaze said uncertainly to Milo's parents before following after him.

He was in his room pacing back and forth.

“Milo.” She leaned against his door.

“This is stupid.” He huffed, flopping down onto his bed.

“Well it's not your problem. It's your parents job to do what my father says and he said Brent is staying here.”

He growled viciously.

“Never.”

“Milo don't tell me never. My father is our leader.”

“Blaze!” He whined.

“It's final already. You have no choice.”

“Fine. But I refuse to be nice to him.”

Blaze grinned.

“Oh yeah? So that wasn't you being nice earlier? Was that your way of showing some man eating dog, barely contained?”

He smirked as she came and sat down beside him.

“You'll know when I let the dog off the leash. I can be real aggressive.”

“May that dog forever have a bound collar.” She muttered, afraid of a sequel from earlier might begin. “We should go for a walk!”

“Look Blaze.. I know I'm being stubborn about this but I know you very well and I know you want back with Brent but I of all people know you and Brent together. He makes you reckless and you don't think when it comes to him. You can be so destructive for him.. Don't forget I'm the one who you said you were staying with when you'd sneak over to his house. I risked my life and my family's reputation for you two. I just want you to feel like...”

Blaze placed her hand gently over his mouth, stopping his words, and smiled gently.

“It's not like that anymore. Losing my mother has changed me enough to know I was just acting like a kid.”

He rested his hand on her cheek gently and looked into her eyes.

“I hope so, Blaze.”

She looked at the ground, feeling a blush spread across her cheeks.

“Milo...”

“You and Brent never seemed right for-” He stopped himself. “Fine.”

Someone cleared their throat in the hallway. They both looked up at Brent who seemed very awkward, watching them talk.

“Hey, you're here earlier then wanted.” Milo growled softly.

“Okay? My mom sent me here right after I got home. Apparently they're going on vacation and you're the only people who would watch me?” His voice was filled with so much confusion.

Rightfully so, his parents randomly leaving and Milo's suddenly hateful tone? Today was not his day.

Blaze stood up quickly, feeling very uncomfortable in the position Brent just saw her in.

“It's not-” She started to say before Milo cut her off.

“Well make yourself at home. Blaze and I are about to go for a walk.” Milo said stiffly.

“I actually need to talk with her though.”

“Too bad? You'll be here when we get back. It can wait.”

“What ever.” Mike turned and walked away to his room.

Blaze sighed, looking at Milo.

“Contain the dog, remember?”

Milo rolled his eyes at her.

“We should leave if we wanna continue our conversation. I don't know how to deal with him in my-”

Brent knocked hard on the door.

“Where's the toilet man?” He said angrily.

“DUDE! It's like right next to your bedroom!” Milo fumed.

Brent nodded, leaving again.

Blaze busted into laughter.

“Let's go for that walk.” She said pushing Milo off his bed.

“Alright, let's use my window. There's a pathway through the woods but it has slanted sides that are very dangerous so you have to be careful.”

Blaze nodded.

Milo slammed his door shut, grinning at Blaze.

“In case Brent walks by.”

“Okay!” Blaze said, already darting out the window.

Rain was pouring down all around them. Blaze spread her arms out, tipping her head back and let the rain soak through her dress. Washing away all her fears. She wasn't about to let the memories of her mother or Brent ruin the cold shower flowing over her skin.

She took off running down the path, taking huge strides, feeling the pain seer her calves.

Milo followed fast behind her, picking her up around the waist and spinning her.

“Milo!” She shouted between bells of laughter.

He sat her down, leaning his forehead down against hers.

Blaze couldn't help but smile at him. Milo had always been there for her and she knew he always would.

“Come on!” Blaze said, laughing, holding her hand out behind her for Milo as she ran down the muddy path, her sundress becoming splattered.

“Brent's gonna think we're having a wild orgy or something!” Milo yelled after her.

She laughed again, taking her eyes off the path for only a moment to look back.

“Let him! Better sex then he probably has with-” Blaze tripped over an exposed tree root and toppled down the side of the path.

A white hot pain ran through her.

“Blaze? BLAZE? BLAZE!!” Milo screamed.

“I think...I think.. I think that hurt.” She said faintly to the fast approaching blur before fading into the darkness.

Comments & reviews · 3
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BluesClues
Review

Okay, so I want to expand a little on what Mea was saying.

I also didn't really connect with any of the characters and felt as if I'd been dropped in the middle of a story, BUT I think the reason is that everything happens so fast. You just give us so much information, particularly in that first chapter. Like, okay:

1. Supernatural beings have recently come into the open and are now accepted in the state by law.
2. Blaze's old BF broke up with her because he found out she was one of them.
3. It sounded like her old BFF also cut ties with her, except then Vanessa sounded genuinely excited at the possibility of hanging out, so I'm not sure about that.
4. The ex-boyfriend and ex-bestie are dating now.
5. Blaze is super jealous that they're dating.
6. Milo accidentally killed his old GF.
7. Milo feels guilty for that but also has been harboring semi-secret feelings for Blaze.
8. Oh, also, Blaze's mom is dead and her dad is really important.

That is a LOT of information to lay on us all in one chapter. And mostly in dialogue, which makes the whole thing go by really, really fast.

Slow it down a little. Give us a little more non-dialogue--some description, some of what Blaze is feeling (since she seems to be our viewpoint character) and thinking, some of what the characters are doing while they're conversing.

And definitely don't feel like you need to give us all this information at once! You can spread it out over the story, or, if you think it's of immediate importance, over the course of the first few chapters. Maybe start with Blaze seeing her ex and her best friend together and go from there.

User avatar
Mea
Review
Mea wrote a review · Tue Sep 06, 2016 12:10 pm

Hey there! I'm here for a quick review.

So, this isn't bad. You clearly have a very good handle on all your characters and what's going on, and this seems like it's a pretty interesting paranormal romance drama.

I think the biggest thing that made me not really engage with this is that I didn't really connect with any of the characters. Part of that is just because I'm not a huge fan of this type of fiction, nor of mature content, but it's more than that - none of them are particularly likable. You don't have to have likable characters, but they have to have something to compensate for that - they still need to be interesting. I didn't find them too interesting other than that some of them are vampires. So - what's fascinating about these characters? Why are you writing them, and not someone else?

The other thing that didn't help is that I feel like I've been dropped into the middle of the story here. I don't know any of these characters, but already they're having a whole bunch of drama, when I don't know who to root for or even what their basic personalities are. It just makes it hard to care. I'd recommend starting a little bit earlier, so we have time to get to know them a bit, and you don't have to info-dump the fact that they're supernatural creatures living among humans in the first paragraph.

One of the big things that's so simple to fix but just threw me off here was the caps lock. You really don't need it in writing stories like this - shouting can be conveyed by things like "he screamed" and through dialogue tone. If you need emphasis, use italics. Generally speaking, it's a bad idea to use caps lock like this. Once in a while is fine, but you're using it every hundred words or so.

That's all I've got! Good luck, and keep writing!

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Elphina1234 Comment

Well, I gotta to admit, it's quite nice than I had expected and now that I've read it, you've got my full attention. Can't wait to read ths next chapters.



One fish, two fish, red fish, aardvark.
— alliyah