Published September 16, 2017
This is a school assignment. I got permission for 1st person - it is how we are supposed to write it, even though essays are usually more formal. Cited sources were not necessary by assignment.
__________
Every day, we contribute to climate change, a problem that can only be fixed globally with all citizens doing their part. I, myself, contribute to climate change every day. Before I continue on about how I can change that, I’ll talk a bit about composting. Lastly, how can I alter my life to combat global warming?
Firstly, what is it I’m doing that impacts our world? One, I buy a lot of packaged foods, something I’m sure a lot of us are guilty of. This wastes a lot of plastic and garbage that needn’t be used. Second, I don’t compost - all the food waste goes into the landfill when it could be feeding plants. Lastly, instead of walking or biking, I usually ride in a car to get places, which is a major source of pollution for our world.
What about composting? One common way of composting is having a worm box, but what exactly does this mean? A worm box is exactly that: a box of worms that you put your compost into. This recycles the food waste into usable, rich soil for plants. It won’t waste space in the landfill and is better for the environment. But how? Simple: get a box, use wet, torn newspaper as bedding, put worms in, and you have a worm box!
What will I do to help combat climate change? I’ll make a worm box and begin composting, so that all that food waste doesn’t go into the landfill. In addition, I will make a more active effort to gather or hunt my own food, as well as try to get more produce and such from places like the farmer’s market to avoid the plastic packaging. I’ve resolved to ride my bike to school as much as I can.
Everyone makes small contributions to global warming every day, some that we don’t even realize we are doing. Composting is something easy to do to help, and I will alter some small aspects of my life to help combat climate change. We can all make a difference, even with very little effort!
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you know #FalconryGirl9086 , honestly I like your article about our environment and global safety. No matter what the other judges said, I wanna say that you tried something good point about our future generation , I mean our world. Good luck my friend and please continue writing about this universe and for our future .God bless you sweet.
Aw, thanks! The pen is mightier than the sword, right?
Hi there!
I have two things to add to what others have said. One is small and one's sort of big.
First of all, your intro. I think you start off nicely with "every day, we contribute to climate change." But from there you devolve into specifically what you'll talk about in each paragraph following. Instead, try to condense your entire essay into one thesis sentence: what will the paper, as a whole, be about? For your paper, this might be something like, "If we are all mindful and play our part, we can stop contributing to climate change."
Similarly, the conclusion. The first sentence and last sentence of the conclusion sum the paper up nicely, but the bit about composting is weird - yes, you do talk about that in the paper, but it's not the only option you mention, nor the main point of the paper.
Okay. The big thing. So here's the thing about what we learn about environmentalism in school: we learn that the earth is dying because we, the individual consumers, use inefficient lightbulbs and throw out a bunch of plastic. And okay, yes, we absolutely should strive to reduce our individual carbon footprints: carpooling and taking public transit, biking, recycling, composting, using clean an efficient energy.
The problem with this is focus is that it ignores the major players in climate change. Me driving a car doesn't do nearly as much damage to the earth as, say, a corporation that disposes improperly of waste or uses inefficient and unclean and nonrenewable sources of energy. What about oil companies? What about the destruction of land and danger to water when an oil pipeline is installed?
Now, based on your title: maybe this paper is meant to be about what you can do as an individual to combat climate change. But even with my point about corporations, there are things you, the consumer, can do! You can boycott companies that hurt the environment, cut corners, and lobby Congress to reduce environmental regulations on business. You can support businesses that use sustainable resources and practice good environmental stewardship. You can call or write to your Congressman to urge them to maintain environmental protections.
So I'd like to see a nod to that, since that is a far bigger problem facing the environment than you eating packaged foods. Again, not that you shouldn't think about your small actions that add up to harm the environment: it's good to take personal responsibility. But it amounts to diddly if large entities aren't going to bother doing the same thing.
Thanks for dropping by, Blue!
Hey there Falx! MJ here for a review
I, myself, seems a little redundant. If you wanted to emphasize that even you, a strong advocate for taking steps to slow climate change, you could say 'Even I contribute to climate change', or 'Even though I [insert opinion here], I still contribute..."It's a bit awkward to phrase the last sentence as a question, so I would say 'Lastly, I will address the steps I plan to take to lessen my carbon footprint."
My main concern here is your usage of questions to draw the reader in. While that can be a good hook, you used them five times, and for a small essay, that's way too many. It should only be used maybe twice at the most, three if absolutely necessary. If you'll pardon my bluntness, the amount of punctuation you used made it seem almost cheesy- it sounded like one of the speeches that a teacher would give to some second graders about global warming.
I do really appreciate that you showed your readers that small changes are possible and easy to do, but you could have proven more about how they're useful. In America, people don't often do things unless they personally benefit from it. It's a sad fact, but it's true. Even the smallest effort, like recycling instead of throwing things away, takes effort, and people aren't willing to put effort into something unless they believe it's worth it. A short paragraph about why global warming is dangerous and why even the small things that people do can be very bad for the environment would help motivate your readers to make changes in their lives as well.
Overall, I really enjoyed this essay because you discussed a debatable topic and tackled it head-on, without really hesitating and coming at it with a matter-of-fact approach. You also didn't unnecessarily fluff things up by muddling it with big, fancy words or scientific mumbo-jumbo that didn't benefit your essay. I also appreciate how you told your readers about steps that you were going to take and gave them some ways that they could also help. You involved everyone in your article, and that's something that can be very persuasive when given to an audience. Best of luck in future endeavors, and if you have any questions, let me know and I'll do my best to help you out!
Best wishes and RevMo cheer,
MJ
Thanks, I'll definitely go edit some of those questions! Good luck with RevMo!
Hello, FalconryGirl9086, PastelSlushie here for review number 27 for #RevMo ! Let's get right into it!
Issues/Nitpicks) I really can't find anything to say here, the only thing I can point out is the short length, but that isn't a much big deal, for it is a school assignment that probably has a word limit (my school word limits on our essays, it sucks so much ugggh--).
Good Stuff) I believe I've read and reviewed a piece of yours similar to this in the past, global warming, I believe? If it was your work I'm talking about, I'm going to say what I said before. This taught me a bit more about climate change and how to sort of help prevent, even though we know it will never go away. My school never taught us about it, or anything going on in our world, and that leads me to know less than what I should, so I'd like to say thanks for teaching me a bit with these school assignments. They're both informational and very fun and easy to read and go along with.
Overall) Overall, this was very helpful and informative. It's short and simple and very easy to go along with. The topic stayrs and doesn't change or trail off throughout this. You mentoioned some nice tips in here, and they could be very useful in the future if the climate change situation gets worse.
Feel free to send me a message if you have any questions or disagree with anything in my review. Best of luck in your future pieces,
Pastel
Thanks for dropping by, I'm glad you enjoyed it!
Hey there! I'll start this review with two things to work on and then move into two things you did really well.
Before I continue on about how I can change that, I’ll talk a bit about composting.
The thing I suggest you reword is this sentence. 'Composting' comes right out of nowhere, and you've done nothing to introduce it as a 'climate change fighter' so it seems unrelated to your topic. Also, I didn't realise this was you introducing what your paragraphs will say until I read 'lastly'. So perhaps add a 'first' or reword in another way so it's clearer that this is an intro rather than just a discussion.
Lastly, instead of walking or biking, I usually ride in a car to get places, which is a major source of pollution for our world.
I think composting should be your last point, since it's what you talk about in the next paragraph. This would create a 'leading line' to lead into your next paragraph, and generally make your ideas (brilliant ideas) flow better.
But how? Simple: get a box, use wet, torn newspaper as bedding, put worms in, and you have a worm box!
The way you described composting was a real strong point of this essay. You made it seem so simple and easy, which is exactly what we want! It makes the reader think something along the lines of: If it's this easy to make a difference, then why aren't I doing it?
We can all make a difference, even with very little effort!
This is an excellent closing line! It emphasises the point you are making and sums everything up, also leaving the reader with a bit of a challenge and go and make a difference.
For a short piece, this was pretty good. I just think you need to reorganise your thoughts to make them flow more smoothly. You may have a restricted word count for your essay, but if you can make it longer, I think it would be even better. Talk about composting more and the good effects it can have. Talk more about your other points, like car pollution. Expand your thoughts, in general, to make them even stronger than they already are. You have a good knowledge of what you're talking about, which is the key with any essay,
I definitely agree with you (ESPECIALLY ON THE REORGANIZATION) but my teacher decided to make us do it in that order - our contributions to climate change, something we want to address, and then what we'll do to change *sigh*